Matt Said, Jay Said...9373241798

Matt winces...Jay shudders...You see exactly why they are doing that.

Matt:  Wassssssssup!?
Jay:  Aren't we a little old to be answering the phone with, “Wasssssssup?”
Matt:  Oh I don’t know.  I guess. Maybe?  What?
Jay:  I don’t know…say what you want, I’m just feeling  a little…a little…um…
Matt:  A little what?

Jay:  Oh hell…and don’t make fun of me, but I’m beginning to question who I am and where I came from.
Matt:  What?  They don’t teach that in Arkansas?
Jay:  See?  You’re doing it again!!  It’s like--
Matt:  I’m sorry, please continue and I’ll be a most affectionate and attentive listener.

Jay:  Alright then…Don’t you ever wonder how you got to the point in your life at which you are?
Matt:  I try not to, because that is one ugly road map, but yes.
Jay:  And have you ever wondered where you will be in five or ten years.
Matt:  I do, but it usually involves me being buried next to my brothers, so I try to think of other things.
Jay:  I too think of those things.
Matt:  I can tell, and you do it with a Shakespearean cadence in your voice, and it’s hot.
Jay:  Me thanks you.

Matt: Sooooooooo, what should we talk about this Sunday on the show?
Jay:  Don’t you get it man!?  We should talk about our lives and why and how the way they are!!
Matt:  You mean, like open up about ourselves?
Jay:  Yes!!  Talk about our past failures and how we long for future glory.
Matt:  You mean, and do it in an honest sense?
Jay:  Hell Yeah!!  We all have regrets and future hopes that shape our lives.  Let’s lay them out there.

Matt:  That’s like being completely naked in front of a world wide audience.
Jay:  Yes it is.
Matt:  That’s kinda hot.
Jay:  Yes it is.
Matt:  So in order to go full frontal introspection, we should be naked during the show.
Jay:  Yes it is.
Matt:  What?
Jay:  Oh sorry…Yes we should.

Matt:  Sounds good, and maybe Guy Ahnyurdyck and Paul Piatt could weigh in with some introspection!!
Jay:  And Rev. Moneymaker and Bobby Kraft as well.
Matt:  And you know…Schmoop has a very compelling, “how I got to this point in my life” story.
Jay:  From what I know of you…er…I mean, know of her story…it’s not pretty.
Matt:  No…no it’s not.

Jay:  So?  Are you ready to do the, Who Am I and Why Am I Here show on IWS Radio this Sunday?
Matt:  Physically, yes I am.  Emotionally?  It could be very painful.
Jay:  Excellent.  I hope you, or I, or both of us break down.  That would be awesome for ratings.
Matt:  If that happens, as soon as I uncoil from my fetal position, I will thank everyone.
Jay:  We give our bodies.  We give our time.  We give our humor.  This Sunday…we give our souls.

Matt:  I love you.
Jay:  I love you too.
Matt:  Let’s get reaaaaaaaaaady to catharsisiiiiiiiize!!
Jay:  Boooooooo Yah!!

To listen to the IWS Radio Show LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio just click HERE.

And if you’d like to share YOUR life’s road map, victories, and heartaches, you can call-in at 661.244.9852.

Strip Clubs Rules

Once again, someone out there needs IWS’ help, and once again, we are here for them.

Yo, Viking Dude, first of all I just wanted to let you know that you’re my fucking hero.  I’m serious.  I fucking love IWS Radio and think you and the Matt-Man are the coolest cats around. 

Here’s my situation.  I think I’ve finally worked up the courage to go to a strip club this weekend.  I was wondering if you could give me some advice.

Thanks,
G-Dawg

G-Dawg,

Thanks for the kind words.  It’s nice to actually get positive feedback every once in a while.  I mean sure all those sexy pics and love letters that women email me are awesome, but sometimes having a stranger take the time to tell me how awesome I am is really nice too.

So, as for your question you’ve come to the right place dude.  Here is the information you need.

- First I recommend that you go during the day until you learn the ropes.  Things are usually more laid back during the day, the crowds are smaller (and less scary) and you can settle in better.

- BE NICE TO THE GIRLS.  I can’t stress this enough.  For the most part the girls are friendly and nice and they take a lot of shit from douche bags.  Don’t be one of them.

- TIP!  Go up to the stage, stand where you’re supposed to stand (learn from watching other people) and tip the girl.  And then … SAY THANK YOU to the girl. 

- Don’t drink too much.  I know from personal experience that people say and do stupid things when they’re drunk.  By not drinking too much you won’t risk doing something that will get you physically removed from the club.

- Don’t start going to the club every single day.  That’s pathetic.  At least don’t go to the SAME club every day.  You don’t want the girls to look up and say “OMG, him AGAIN??”

- Fee free to ask the girls what the “rules” are.  They’ll probably ask you if you’ve been there before and then tell you the rules when you say “no” but if they don’t just ask.  They’ll appreciate your consideration.

- Don’t get all grabby.  Let her do her thing when getting a lap dance.  Also, keep your fucking tongue to yourself you sick fuck.  And don’t try to kiss her either (they all have herpes).  The dancer sets the rules and you just follow her lead.

- Do not. I mean DO NOT bitch about the prices to the girls.  Anytime you complain about the price of a lap dance you are basically telling the girl she isn’t worth it.  That’s rude.  Besides, complaining about the prices also tells the girls that you’re a cheap bastard.

- TIP!  This one bears repeating. The girls are working hard. They’re trying to make sure you have a great experience and their time is worth paying for.  

- Maker her laugh.  Dancers put up with the absolute worst of society. Every single kind of asshole and rude, arrogant fuck come into their clubs every single day.  Instead of being one of those guys, be the one who made her laugh and feel good.  Compliment her and be casual and comfortable around her and just be a gentleman in general.

Okay, so the last thing you probably want to ask, or maybe the ONLY thing, is whether or not it’s okay to ask for “extras” in the VIP room or even ask her on a date.  Well, that’s an easy one. The answer is an emphatic NO. There isno sex in the Champagne Room.

And one more time … TIP THE DANCERS … This is their job. They’re there to make a living and pay their bills.  You are the customer and you are getting something from them of value (there time and the chance to see their boobies up close).  Expect to pay for it and be willing to do so.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

Jayman's Relationship Advice

Hola y'all! From time to time people ask me for advice. And, being the world famous internet radio star, I know that I should be there for them. Today someone emailed me about a very serious dilemma and I felt like I should answer him publicly because it might help many more people out there.

Anon asked:

So, there’s this chick that I really REALLY like.  She’s super cute and I think we would make a great couple together.  Problem is, I can’t seem to figure out how to get her attention and get her to notice me.  Got any ideas?

You’re in luck.  I’ve been in this same situation and I know just what to do.  First thing you do is google this chick.  See how much you can find out about her.  If you’re lucky you’ll find her phone number and maybe even home address.  Also, she might have an old Myspace page that she just left sitting there when she moved over to Facebook.  This is always a great place to learn more about your new victim love.

On that Myspace page you will probably find pictures of her. Maybe even some of her in a bikini.  Save those so you can make your shrine to her.  Also, you will find out who her friends are and what kind of music she loves and shit like that.

Then start learning the places she likes to hang out at.  Like coffee houses, bars, restaurants and if she likes to go for walks at the local park or whatever.  After you do this, start scouting those places out at different times of the day and find out when she’s there.

Don’t go in immediately.  Just sit back and watch.  It helps to wear a disguise and park in an inconspicuous location while doing your research.   Gather all the info you can.  Take pictures, make notes and be thorough.

Now that you have all this down, formulate your plan.  Start showing up at her favorite places and bumping into her.  Be like “HEY! Didn’t I just see you at Starbucks earlier today?” And she’ll be like “Oh yeah! I saw you there!”

You know why? Cause she noticed that you were wearing a t-shirt of her favorite band and ordering the exact same thing she was about to order.  THIS is where your research is paying off.  And, now? Now you’re at the park, staying shape like she likes to do and you’re walking your pet bulldog that you just got at the local animal shelter after reading her blog about how she still missed her pet bulldog “Brutus” that died when she was 12 on her old Myspace page that she forgot she had. 

This is important.  Don’t use her current Facebook page, blog or Twitter for research.  It needs to be on that old page she forgot about.  That way it won’t seem weird or creepy. Women don’t notice things like this and won’t put all the pieces together until it’s much too late you guys are already in love

So, now you can ask her for her phone number and you’re in!  Just start calling her like every half hour asking her out and telling her how much you love her and how you can’t live without her.  Tell her how you saw her at her favorite bar the other night with her friends and how her ass was looking delicious in that short dress.  And then ask her about that guy she was grinding on while dancing.  Be forceful wanting to know who he is and stuff.

Then, tell her about how you were driving by her house every hour or so all night long and noticed that she seems to go to bed around midnight cause that’s when the lights go out.  And you saw that she leaves the house at around 7:30 in the morning.  But that you noticed that she didn’t get home until around 5 am the night you saw her at the bar and ask just what she was doing all night.

Finally, tell her about how you fantasize about her while you’re masturbating every single night.  Be graphic.  Don’t leave any details out.  Chicks really love that. 

Hope this helps.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS