Shut the Fuck Up with Hank Philpot Episode 2

Hello.  Hank Philpot here.  I’m a friend of Matt-Man.  I was going off on some things the other day to him and he said I could write down my bitches about the world today on this blog thing.

He told me that today, I could consider the IWS blog to be my, tablet razor or something like that.  I don’t know what he meant by that, but here I am….Hank Philpot.

Now listen, this basketball coach at Rutgers, Mike Rice?  It seems he’s in a boatload of trouble.

I guess he was trying to get his Scarlet Knights of Rutgers basketball team in shape for the season and he was too hard on the God Damn pansies.

He threw basketballs at them…He pushed them…He called them faggots…Well let me tell you…

My father used to beat me on the ass with a bolo paddle for calling my sister a whore, and my Drill Sergeant, Gunny Sarge Buck Masters used to stick a bayonet up my ass for being three seconds late to a drill.

Don’t give me this, “He was too hard on those basketball boys, shit.”  Shut the Fuck Up!!

Coach Rice just wanted them to be ready for when they played big time schools with darkies who play with one hand on the ball and another hand carrying a switchblade.

If you can’t see that, well…you can’t see that your 12 year old is boy probably gonna turn out to be a gay bastard who views Rachel Maddow as the man that Chris Hayes wishes he could be.

It’s just wrong, and if you don’t agree…Shut the Fuck Up!!

And now that I have invoked the names of people who appear on MSNBC have you seen the following..?

Alex Wagner…Cute as hell…I’d take her down and pluck her in my chicken coop anytime, but man she opens her pretentious mouth, and I say, “Shut the Fuck up.”

And then there is Mika Brzezinski, liberal star of Morning Joe on MSNBC…Jesus Christ…That chick has been riding on the coat tails of her dad since, well…ever since her dad helped Jimmy Carter to become irrelevant.  But in all fairness, her dad has a thick accent so, that makes him smart.

Mika has no accent, so….well…her stupidity shines through.  You know what I have to say about that?

Mika?  You’re not bright!!  So shut the fuck up!!

Oh people. Some are coming around to our gun-toting, God-Loving side…

I was told by a devout quasi-Catholic, yet somewhat agnostic, religion reporting guy this week that he hates Martin Bashir as well…

And why shouldn’t he?

Sure...Martin Bashir stands tall among his fellow Christ Haters, in all of his MSNBC, London born Pakistani glory in a tight knit seersucker suit coat talking in his condescending UK accent to Americans, while aggrandizing about our hate for foreigners, but...you know what Mr. Pak Man?

Shut the Fuck Up!!

Sure…We can let the children in, but then?  We should eat them!!  I hear that that is what they do in those types of heathen countries from which you came illegally!!

You know what, Mr. Bashir?

Shut the Fuck Up!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

I Don't Fucking Think So with Hank Philpot

Hello.  Hank Philpot here.  I’m a friend of Matt-Man.  I was going off on some things the other day to him and he said I could write down my bitches about the world today on this blog thing.

He told me that today, I could consider the IWS blog to be my, tablet razor or something like that.  I don’t know what he meant by that, but here I am….Hank Philpot.

I guess there is a big outrage over the Super Bowl.  Seems some folks have their panties in a wad because TV microphones picked up Joe Flacco saying, “Fucking Awesome!!” right after they won the SuperBowl the other night.  So what?

I’m not a Joe Flacco fan, but the dumb dago just won the damn NFL Championship.  What’s he supposed to say?  “This is a pleasant experience?”

I don’t fucking think so.

He won the Goddamn Super Bowl for Chrissakes, and lemme tell ya…If that dumb dago had said that winning the Super Bowl was, “a pleasant experience”, I would have forever and into the future or whatever, referred to him as, Joe Faggo.

Another thing.  I see that every time a teacher or a classmate of any elementary school, high school, or even higher schools dies, they bring in “grief counselors” for today's squishy, soft, chicken pot pie pupils.  What the hell is up with that?  People die every damn day.

I remember my Junior year of high school when the entire head of our shop teacher, Mr. Durwood Whitt, literally exploded right before our eyes due to an aneurysm.  Did the school bring in grief counselors for us?

I don’t fucking think so.

They brought in the head janitor, Roy Jenks.  And us and ol’ Roy scrubbed the shop room down together. We didn't see it as a tragedy.  We saw it as an event that taught us how to safely and efficiently remove blood and brain tissue from a drill press and a table saw.

I read today that that soft-handed, “friend of the working man” Ed Schultz said, with a scour, that Republicans want immigration reform, but don’t want them to have voting rights during their legal consideration status.  Yeah, so what Ed?  Is that a bad thing?

I don’t fucking think so!!

Foreign workers with a VISA or MasterCard, and tourists with passports are also here under a legal status.  Does that mean you want candy-assed Europeans who visit Palm Beach to be able to vote? Do we want Nazi Nate, Bok Choy Charlie, and Quesadilla Quintana to be able to have their voices heard as to who runs these God-Fearing United States of America?

I don’t fucking think so!!

Lastly.  I read yesterday’s post from Jayman…What the fuck?  He spoke of being in the barber chair while some gal-barber cut his hair all the while listening to some ex-meth head gal with an addicted father who became clean and had a sex change, speak her mind. What the hell is that?

Much to his credit, Jayman remained calm and carried on.  Would I have done the same in his situation?

I don’t fucking think so!!

I would have said…

“I’m sorry that you are a post-strung out meth whore, and you father is some sort of queer, but could you please shut your yap long enough for this working gal to finish trimming my noggin without cutting off my Goddamn ear?”

I thank you for your time, and maybe I’ll do this again, but…

I don’t fucking think so.

Hank Philpot

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws