Big Ten Football Preview 2013...OH-IO!!

Are you ready for some football, America!!?

Hiya my fellow college football fans….

Tank Patterson (B.S. Agri-Business, THE Ohio State University ‘77) here for IWS.

Now yesterday, Jayman posted a preview of the upcoming 2013 SEC Football season, and upon reading it, I said to myself…

“Tank?  You should preview the upcoming 2013 football season for the only NCAA Football conference that matters, that being the Big Ten Conference.”

So…Here I am.  Tank Patterson, 1977 graduate of THE Ohio State University.  So, here goes, in order of where each team will finish…

Leaders Division

THE Ohio State University:  If Braxton Miller can stay out of trouble, and our beloved Buckeyes can dodge the early landmines of such high powered teams such as Buffalo, San Diego St., Cal, and Florida A&M, we will be prepared to run through our conference schedule like a combine through a drought stricken corn field.

Wisconsin:  The Badgers come to OUR house this year.  Prepare to see a lot of people wearing scarlet and red that game…the red being the blood of 22 Wisconsin Badgers lying dead on the sacred turf of OUR house!!

Penn State:  They come to Columbus on October 26th.  That’s pretty close to Halloween, so hide the kids. Those perverts will be offering candy to all of the precious little kids in OUR city.

Purdue:  Ooooooooo, Purdue…Oooooooo, we’re so scared of you, Purdue.  Kicking your ass in Ross-Ade Stadium this year would be a great memory except for the fact that I, my wife, and my family have to spend the night in West Lafayette, IN. in order to watch it happen.

Indiana:  Seriously?  Why do you guys even bother?  You are barely a basketball school anymore.

Illinois:  We go on the road for the second week in a row to play you after Purdue.  Looking for an upset of us?  Perhaps you and the Fighting Illini’ tribe would be better served by making reservations for a scalping!!

Legends Divison

Nebraska:  Remember when you guys were feared? Remember Tom Osborne?  Remember when you joined the Big Ten and much to your chagrin found out that even Ohio has a more moderate winter climate than yours?  Take That!! Cornsuckers!!

The Team That Must Not Be Mentioned:  What do you call a Wolverine football player with a National Championship ring?  A Thief!!

Northwestern:  Hey Smarty Pants, we play you in the “jewel of the Midwest” Evanston, IL. on October 5th…Are you going to trick us by running counter-intuitive plays, or perhaps try to stifle our offense with your defensive mind meld antics?  Your SAT score doesn’t trump the scoreboard on the field.

Michigan State:  Ha…Every year, “people in the know” say that this is YOUR year Sparty…Hell, we’re going to beat you 42-0 this year, and we don’t even play you!!

Minnesota:  The Golden Gophers are rebuilding and revitalizing their program this year, which means they may actually win a game or two…or not.

Iowa:  Kirk Ferentz is quite the head coach.  I know Ferentz is an Iowa grad, but man, he has the IQ of a Northwestern grad, because anyone with his dismal record who can still retain his job, is fucking brilliant!!

See you on October 19th, Kirk…unless the IU administration comes to their senses.

So there you have it folks…a fair and balanced break down and preview of the 2013 Big Ten Football Season.

Here’s to the upcoming college football season, and to Jay and Matt, and here’s to THE Ohio State University.  The best of the best.

OH-IO!!

Tank Patterson

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page