You Might Be An Asshole If ...

Hola sweet, thoughtful and considerate people! In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s very old and tired “You might be a redneck if …” jokes, here are some ways to know if you are an asshole:

If you’re wearing headphones and I can still hear your music, you might be an asshole.

If you have auto play music player on your blog, you might be an asshole.

If you throw trash out the window of your car while driving, or worse, while in a parking lot that has trash cans available, you might be an asshole.

If you wear sunglasses inside even though you have no eye problems or medical reason to do so, you might be an asshole.

If you never say “please” “thank you” or “excuse me” you might be an asshole.

If you push the “disabled button” on a door going into a store and you aren’t disabled, you might be an asshole.

If you walk into a store and stop right there holding the door open while looking to see what they have and there are people standing behind you trying to get into the store, you might be an asshole.

If you are climbing the stairs of an escalator even though there are also stairs that you could have taken, you might be an asshole.

If you’re standing in line at a fast food place and when you finally get up to the counter and are asked what you would like you finally look up at the menu and say “Uhhhhh … Let me see what you’ve got,” you might be an asshole.

If you text people while the movie is running in the theater, you might be an asshole.

If you randomly add a pic of a really hot chick just to get a few extra cheap hits on your blog posts, you might be an asshole.

If you walk around with a scowl on your face and never smile and say “Hola” to people, you might be an asshole.

If you refuse to let anyone use your bar of soap, you might be an asshole.

If you are talking on your cell phone while going through the checkout at the store, you might be an asshole.

If you are consistently late to meetings or social outings, you might be an asshole.

If you try to get on an elevator, bus or train before others can get off, you might be an asshole.

If you sit in your car in front of an apartment building with the stereo blasting away AND/OR constantly revving the engine, you might be an asshole.

If your kid is screaming and crying or running around bothering other people in a restaurant or other public place, you might be an asshole.

If you don’t put the shopping cart in the cart corral or take it back into the store, you might be an asshole.

If you turn left from the right turn lane (or right from the left turn lane), you might be an asshole.

If you don’t cover your mouth when you cough, sneeze or yawn in public, you might be an asshole.

Okay, there are a bunch of good examples of assholism. I’m sure there are hundreds more, so feel free to leave some others in the comment section if you like. And anyone who doesn’t comment (or listen to I’m With Stupid Podcast) is definitely a gaping asshole!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS