Expert Analysis of All 32 NFL Teams

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! The NFL returns this week so now is the perfect time for the most comprehensive analysis of EACH of the thirty-two teams in the league and some predictions. Okay, here we go…

AFC East:

New England Patriots – They will be the same as always
Miami Dolphins – They will also be the same as always
New York Jets – They suck
Buffalo Bills – The suck harder than the Jets even.

AFC North

Cincinnati Bengals – Decent team just good enough to disappoint their fans.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Pretty average at best
Baltimore Ravens – Slowly deteriorating
Cleveland Browns – GAWD-awful

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts – Excellent, but boring as hell. Also, fans are horrible people.
Houston Texans – The Ryan Mallett Era doesn’t look good
Tennessee Titans – Steady mediocrity
Jacksonville Jaguars – So bad that Cleveland fans can make fun of Jags fans

AFC West

Denver Broncos – Very exciting high-powered team that’s fun to watch
Kansas City Chiefs – Good, but not good enough.
San Diego Chargers – Lots of talent! (As always)
Oakland Raiders – I don’t want any trouble with Raiders fans.

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles – Lots of potential and fun to watch
Washington Redskins - *clap clap clap clap* OVER-RATED *clap clap clap clap*
New York Giants – Ugly … Just ugly!
Dallas Cowboys – This team and its fans can go straight to hell

NFC South

Green Bay Packers – Healthy and ready to make a run!
Chicago Bears – They’ll find a way to lose when it matters most
Detroit Lions – So much talent with so little payoff
Minnesota Vikings - *YAWN*

NFC South

Carolina Panthers – They’re so close, but management is afraid of the big time.
Atlanta Falcons – Play in the shittiest sports town in America
New Orleans Saints – Like the city they are exciting, but suffer from neglect
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Bucs are still in the league??

NFC East:

Seattle Seahawks – The best team and best organization in the NFL
San Francisco 49ers – Their window is closing rapidly
Arizona Cardinals – Steadily getting better.
St Louis Rams – Will always be a doormat

AFC Championship: Patriots vs Broncos
NFC Championship: Packers vs Seahawks

Super Bowl: Broncos vs Seahawks

Winner:  Seattle Seahawks!!! 

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