Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Expert Analysis of All 32 NFL Teams

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! The NFL returns this week so now is the perfect time for the most comprehensive analysis of EACH of the thirty-two teams in the league and some predictions. Okay, here we go…

AFC East:
New England Patriots – They will be the same as always
Miami Dolphins – They will also be the same as always
New York Jets – They suck
Buffalo Bills – The suck harder than the Jets even.

AFC North

Cincinnati Bengals – Decent team just good enough to disappoint their fans.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Pretty average at best
Baltimore Ravens – Slowly deteriorating
Cleveland Browns – GAWD-awful


AFC South

Indianapolis Colts – Excellent, but boring as hell. Also, fans are horrible people.
Houston Texans – The Ryan Mallett Era doesn’t look good
Tennessee Titans – Steady mediocrity
Jacksonville Jaguars – So bad that Cleveland fans can make fun of Jags fans

AFC West

Denver Broncos – Very exciting high-powered team that’s fun to watch
Kansas City Chiefs – Good, but not good enough.
San Diego Chargers – Lots of talent! (As always)
Oakland Raiders – I don’t want any trouble with Raiders fans.



NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles – Lots of potential and fun to watch
Washington Redskins - *clap clap clap clap* OVER-RATED *clap clap clap clap*
New York Giants – Ugly … Just ugly!
Dallas Cowboys – This team and its fans can go straight to hell

NFC South

Green Bay Packers – Healthy and ready to make a run!
Chicago Bears – They’ll find a way to lose when it matters most
Detroit Lions – So much talent with so little payoff
Minnesota Vikings - *YAWN*


NFC South

Carolina Panthers – They’re so close, but management is afraid of the big time.
Atlanta Falcons – Play in the shittiest sports town in America
New Orleans Saints – Like the city they are exciting, but suffer from neglect
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Bucs are still in the league??

NFC East:

Seattle Seahawks – The best team and best organization in the NFL
San Francisco 49ers – Their window is closing rapidly
Arizona Cardinals – Steadily getting better.
St Louis Rams – Will always be a doormat



AFC Championship: Patriots vs Broncos
NFC Championship: Packers vs Seahawks

Super Bowl: Broncos vs Seahawks

Winner:  Seattle Seahawks!!! 





4 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Slyder Balzcock would disagree with you, if he knew what the hell was going on. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

Mike said...

"St Louis Rams – Will always be a doormat"

WHAT!? Why with Sam Bradford back we're going to..... nevermind...

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: I relied on Slyder's insights a lot for this very comprehensive preview.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I feel bad for Sam Bradford. His career is in real jeopardy.

Jay