Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Elliot Rodger May Have a Manifesto, But I Have a Mattifesto!!

Y’know?  It’s seems like every dissed boy like Elliott Rodger and unhappy man gets to write a manifesto before he enacts his infinite justice upon people. And you know what?  If the serial killers, and mass murderers have that right, so do I.

So to wit and heretofore, or whatever, is my manifesto, or as I call it…My Mattifesto.

Mrs. Stephenson, my kindergarten teacher…

You treated your kids like crap, and even though eighty years old at the time with your red, bouffant hairstyle which didn't lend itself to great air circulation and a better and more effective swing, your smack on the ass always hurt.  Annnnnnnd, even though you have been dead for years…you suck.

To my eighth grade English teacher, Mrs. Corle…I am sorry that at fourteen years of age I knew more about the English language than you, but that was no reason to give me an A in my work and a three in my effort grade, which reads…“careless or incomplete effort.”

Sometimes…I think maybe, you were hurt that I didn’t want to have sex with you, but, whatever, and I regret it too, because your painted nails, and frosted wig were pretty hot to a fourteen year old boy.

Janice Gohm who I had as an instructor in British Lit 150 at Bowling Green…I am sorry I recited and made fun of Hemingway while sucking on your left tit, but c’mon…was that any reason to ditch me for a running back on the BGSU football team?  I didn't think so.

And to Beth Ann Perkins?  You nominated me for a scholarship in Philosophy…While I didn't get it, that hug we shared was worth more than a scholarship to me, so?  You’re safe, and I think of you often, and? You're free to go.

To Donna... Remember when I passed out, face down in your crotch?  I’m sorry that your vagina exuded the smell of Ny-Quil, but damn it, it made me sleepy and there is no reason to hate me for it.  It was but a physiological response, not a human response.

And in addition to the aforementioned women, some guys such as Joe Aker, Jim Stewart, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and the like; you are going down.

Not by the gun and knife of some disturbed, and troubled privileged punk like Elliot Rodgers, but rather by the willingness to ignore you all, and forget about you.

Unlike the disturbed and hateful manifesto of Elliot Rodger, my manifesto is about going on, and going past, but you know what still troubles me?

I actually do hate my wife and remain disappointed in my son, and it bothers me, but unlike Elliot Rodgers, I wouldn't kill them.

My revenge would be for her to explain her reasons for keeping my son from me as she squirms, and hear his reasons for feeling the pressure to comply with her demands.

But perhaps Ryno, not being permitted, nor taking full advantage of me per orders of his Teutonic keeper, is a self-fulfilling revenge machine, and a tragic flaw initiated by his mom.

Either way…I’m not happy where this is concerned.  But…Whatever…I'm not gonna kill anyone over it.


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I'm With Stupid said...

If I were to list all the people who have wronged me it would be the longest blog post in history. Not that I would, of course. I've forgiven all of them. Well, most of them.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Ha...I know what you mean by a long list. I should have titled this, My Abridged Mattifesto. Cheers Jayman!!


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