Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Son of God: The Movie

Hiya Chuckleheads…This is the Matt-Man, and today I am spreading the good news of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That’s right…Just like the parishioner patriots over at FOX News, I am here today to tout the forthcoming movie that revolves around Messianic miracles…a movie so SHOCKING, yet inspiring, and never before seen on screen…

The movie to which I refer?

Son of God.

Damn right…The 20th Century Fox movie, Son of God, based upon the successful HBO miniseries, The Bible, will be released this Friday, February 28th in theaters nationwide.

Son of God is produced by legendary TV guy, Mark Burnett, and his quasi-hot, actress wife, Roma Downey, of Touched by an Angel fame…

Well?  For some strange reason, the FOX News network is all over this, and have invited the Jesus producing couple onto their network nativity 24/7 the past few days, in order to promote the Son of God movie.

I understand the network promoting a movie by a sibling company, but Jesus Christ, FOX News has been all over the release of this movie like the lips of Judas upon the Son of God’s cheek.  And…FOX’s coverage is nearly as wet and grotesque.

The other night, Sean Hannity had a forty member or so “focus group” on his show, in order to critique the Son of God film which they were allowed to preview.

The focus group, made up of diverse right-wing Christian Conservatives such as Sean Hannity himself, gave it eighty thumbs up!!

I would have thought there might have been at least one Judas in the “diverse” focus group who only gave it one thumb up, but…no.  Praise Jeebus!!

I know…I know…

FOX News is praising this movie because it allows them to sing to the choir of their demographics.  Right-wing…Christian…God-Fearing people who everyday hear from FOX News, that Christians are day by sad Muslim loving day, being diminished, discriminated against, and ostracized, because well…

The 2-8% of non-Christians in America have been, and continue to, deface nativity scenes, kick Santa Claus out of cancer centers, and have sucked the once-powerful truth serum of laying one’s hands on the Bible prior to giving testimony during a court proceeding.

Fucking non-Christian antagonists!!

I understand where Hannity and FOX News are coming from.  They talk about how that Liberal snake-pit of Hollywood has failed to release a movie about the life of Jesus from birth to resurrection since the Greatest Story Ever Told was released some 49 years ago.

Oh sure, there have been more than a few dozen movies about Jesus in the meantime, but none that have covered his entire life from manger to ascension…and like most of my fervent Christian friends like Sean Hannity and William Donohue, I too, have found that troubling.

Not a day has gone by since 1965 that I haven’t cursed Hollywood for not making an updated, uber complete, life of Jesus movie.  It’s what I longed for, ever since FOX News told me to.


FOX News exists in order to generate ratings and revenues like any other network, and currently they are doing it by playing the Son of God movie angle to their viewers.

That’s fine by me…however, I do have a bone to pick about this movie being heralded by FOX News to be the ENTIRE story of Jesus…

Jesus is supposed to come back one day; so, the movie is not complete, nor his story over.  And if, and when, the J-Man does come back…

Will he appreciate you guys at FNC exploiting his good will in order to pump up your ratings?

I don’t fucking think so.



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I'm With Stupid said...

I wonder why they didn't wait to release this Easter Weekend? Seems like that would have been a good idea.

Unless .... I'm sure that there is some law that says that NO CHRISTIAN THEMED SHOWS OR MOVIES can be shown over Easter Weekend. Damn, Christians are so freaking oppressed in this country.


Katy Anders said...

I have purchased the rights to the sequel, and I don't appreciate you denigrating my franchise.

I will even let you pick the title if you lay off of it a little.

So far, the best I have come up with is "Son Harder."

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: IKR? Christians have become the unappreciated, God-Fearing, red-headed step-children of America!! Cheers Jayman!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: Not bad, but I was thinking more along an atheistic, Star Wars line...Son of God II: Revenge of the Myth. Cheers Katy!!


jAMiE said...

I'm with Jay. I would have thought they'd release it Easter weekend.

My sister will probably go see it with our aunt...but that has nothing to do with FOX. Honest.