Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! It’s time for more headlines!!!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
LeBron James says he belongs on the Mt. Rushmore of the NBA.
When asked where it is replies “Damn, I don’t know … Colorado?”
CDC says 2,739 American women have injured themselves trying
to dace like BeyoncĂ© did at the Grammy’s.
President Obama laughs uncontrollably as he can’t stop
making “short jokes” at Vladimir Putin’s expense.
NFL prospect Michael Sam clarifies his announcement that he’s
gay: “I’m more ‘Rock Hudson’ gay, not ‘Johnny Weir’ gay.
Pope Francis says it’s important to love the homeless.
Homeless say that’s nice but “we can’t buy 211’s with love, man.”
Men’s Doubles Luge outlawed in Kansas.
Ted Cruz demands to know if Obama pronounces it “tomato” or “tomahto”
before committing to one side or the other.
In shocking development, talk radio caller remembers to turn
down his radio first.
Area woman is sick and tired of men with “scruffy beards.”
Sad, lonely man puts up a good front pretending not to care
about Valentine’s Day.
Male prostitute uses hidden shotgun in the headboard trick
to rob johns.
Rand Paul missed the debt ceiling vote because we out trying
to find the perfect Valentine’s Day gift to give himself.
President Obama still angry over not winning any southern
states in 2012 orders up a series of winter storms as punishment.
Americans intrigued by Olympic Curling say it could become
popular here if it can be made more violent.
Arkansas County Quorum Court finds laws to be too confusing
so everyone just goes home.
CNN gets into the scripted show business because nobody
gives a shit about the news anyway.
Amanda Knox turns down sweet job offer as tour guide for
Perillo Tours of Italy.
Comcast and Time Warner Cable agree to a merger promise half
the service and quality with twice the shittiness.
New Yorkers angry that Mayor de Blasio didn’t order schools
closed during snowstorm. De Blasio replies “Who knew Al Roker would be right?”
Facebook announces users will have 50 gender options. “Other”
not one of them.
2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition to be delivered
with some pages “pre-stuck together.”
Area man can’t explain why he finds curling so damn
fascinating, he just does.
Okay, that’s enough.
6 comments:
Happy Valentines Day peeps!
Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk
Y'know...in just 4-6 short years the Russian curling babes will all look like Madeline Albright. Cheers Jay!!
Matt
Excellent work!
Edyta: Happy Valentine's Day to YOU!
Jay
Matt-Man: That's the OLD Russia that you and Mitt Romney are thinking about. The new Russia? These girls will age Sophia Loren.
Jay
Jamie: Thanks babe!
Jay
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