Friday, October 11, 2013

National Coming Out Day

Cheeeeeers and Happy Friday Chuckleheads!!  You know what today is?

That’s right…

National Coming Out Day!!

And let me tell ya…

If I, as a fine heterosexual father whose kid hates me because I live in sin with a whore can acknowledge that I live a deviant and less than Godly lifestyle; other people who live, shall we say, a less than “righteous” lifestyle, should be able to man up as well.

Er…maybe “man up” is not the phrase…perhaps, “Sally forth, and admit that you are gay, or just a complete asshole.”, would be better.

Anyhoo…

Since today is National Coming Out Day, I would like to give a shout out to some folks who, with a nudge from me, will come out and admit that they are gay, or a complete asshole.

Corey Booker…Mayor of Newark, NJ., and candidate for the U.S. Senate from New Jersey?  You are one gay, mutha-shut-your mouth brutha.  Holy Cow Cor-Boy.

You are well-kempt.  Well-shaven.  Well-everything, and you are a media darling.  You want to hide your true sexuality behind your recent tweet toward a female stripper, but we all know…

You are the black, yet not too black Jim McGreevey, and we appreciate you keeping your gayness at home in Newark, and not taking up space at a rest stop along the New Jersey Turnpike where gay redneck truckers and gay redneck bikers coincidentally meet in order to show their manliness, curse Obama, and all the while, take it up the ass.

Seriously Corey...You are the Bruce Vlanch of New Jersey politics.  It's okay.  Take your Senatorial seat and/or Emmy and shut the hell up.

Sean Hannity…You know dude?  You need to come out and admit that you are biggest douche bag in the history of TV and Radio.  I call you a douche bag because, well…you have a vagina, and sometimes you need one.  You are a girly-man.  You keep saying…

“The Republican Party should do this, and the Republican Party can’t back down.  The Republican Party should elect this guy in District Whatevah.”  But…

As you proudly and incessantly say on your radio show…

“I am not a Republican.  I am a registered Conservative in the State of New York.”

You are, but…You only say that to give yourself cover.  You are a Republican through and through, and if they go down, you can conveniently say that you are not a Republican.

Grow some balls Sean, and conversely, could Sarah Palin please lose the balls that she thinks she has, and go back into the closet of pseudo-manliness?

She is going to be in New Jersey this weekend in order to campaign for Corey Booker’s Senate opponent, Steve Lonegan.

Call me crazy, but as self-aggrandizing as Corey Booker is, I don’t think an egotistical, vapid as the Sahara is dry, right wing numbskull, such as Sarah Palin is going to move the NJ Senate poll numbers much.

And lastly…You know who else should come out of the closet?

John Boehner.

I mean, c’mon…He grew up in the hardworking, blue-collar town of Cincinnati, and worked from dawn to dusk at his family’s bar.  And yet…

He cries often.

I’m thinking his family’s bar was a gay bar; because at real, true, American, straight bars…there is no crying.

It’s time to come out, Speaker Boehner...It's time to come out.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

6 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I'm pretty sure no straight man cries in public as often as John Boehner. And his friends have always pronounced his last name "Boner."

Jay

Edyta said...

National coming out day? Awesome. Let's all go out and PARTY!

Any excuse to party.

Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk

jAMiE said...

What the heck...let's all come out and throw a big party.

A big, gay party...it'd be fabulous!

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Not that there's anything wrong with that...okay...yes there is. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Edita: Damn right. Get your dancing shoes and I'll bring the champers. Cheers Edita!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: SPAM sandwiches and Molson Ice for everyone. Let's Do Thiiiiiiis!! Cheers Jaaaaaaamie!!

Matt