Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!Let me tell you folks, I have a problem with many of you, and usually I’ll write in character to tell you this, but no, this time?
It’s coming straight from the heart of the Matt-Man.
First of all, let me give props to Jay, Schmoop, Spock, Brother Marty, and the ever elusive Miss.
While I don’t talk to a couple of these people often at length, they all know what’s goin’ on.
Secondly, you people under the age of forty…
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Last night, on Facebook, I saw a child, and by child, I mean a married adult with one, lately impregnated, already split duh womb child bearing chick, asking around for a maternity photographer.
I offered to take pictures of her heaving vagina free, but that is not what she was talking about. She was talking about family pictures while she was pregnant. WTF?
Ya can’t do that yourself?
Evidently, nowadays, and with the nowadays prima donnas, one needs baby fat, family friendly freeze frames done prior to spittin’ out a baby done photogged by a pro.!!
If I had access to the IWS soundboard right now, I would hit the audio file that says….
“Who…duh hell…carrrrrrrrrrrrrres?” Amirite!?
It’s fine to have baby pics, but who needs a picture of your huge, amniotic fluid rich belly, and a pic of a pink/blue baby right out of the womb?
No One!! Not even YOU!!
Yes, I know that you and you baby are the most precious things on Earth, but seriously? Shut the fuck up and quit throwing baby showers for yourself. Or better yet?
Every time that you complain after the birth of your unborn, yet photogenic son and/or daughter you have to donate five dollars to a worthy cause…such as NARAL.
It’s nice that you threw yourself a baby shower, but really? That best gift that that baby could get, is knowing that while baby showers are great, life can be hard…always an exceptional experience, but at times, difficult nonetheless.
And if you missed Jay and I LIVE yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, you can catch all the hilarity right HERE:
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page
5 comments:
A Maternity Photographer? Damn, photographers are more specialized than doctors these days.
Jay
I can do post delivery umbilical cord pictures. I can even photoshop it back together.
Jayman: IKR? Maybe I'll look into becoming a divorce photographer. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Mike: Ha. That was pretty good. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
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