Jay Can Get Awkward Too

Hola y’all! As we found out yesterday, Matt-Man does awkward pretty well. Strange things to tend to happen to him from time to time but I tell you what kids, he doesn’t have the market cornered. Oh hell no. I’ve been known to wander aimlessly into the awkward a bit from time to time myself. In fact, I encounter awkward situations TWICE in two weeks!

I had intended to tell both of these stories on the IWS Podcast, but didn’t think the barbershop story fit in one show and was too busy sitting back laughing while Shirley and Justin went after each other like the Hatfields and McCoys on Saturday. So, instead I’ll share them both with you guys here.

I was at the barber shop last week and Sonja was whacking away on my hair cause sometimes I wait a week or two too long to get it cut and it gets super thick and wavy when a lady came in with her little boy. He looked to be maybe 2? Or 3? I’m not good at guessing ages. Anyway, mommy decided to involve herself in the conversation I was having with Sonja.

That’s okay, I mean it’s a public place and it wasn’t anything personal or deep or anything. But, as often times happen the conversation actually became all about Mommy. Again, whatever. I’m just there to get my haircut and get out. I don’t even need to talk. So she starts telling us about being clean for 4 years after her meth addiction. Good for her! And then she tells us about her dad being clean finally. That’s great. And then she tells us about how after 26 years as a Pentecostal preacher and father, her dad ran off to California to get a sex change operation.

LOLWUT?

She even showed us a picture. How nice! Then Sonja made a very good point. She noted that it’s amazing how someone can spend decades walking side-by-side with the Lord and then just one bad moment JUST LIKE THAT … THE DEVIL GRABS HIM!

That’s when it hit me. Your kids don’t have monsters living under their beds or in their closets. Hell, they don’t even have Evil Clowns under there. It’s EL DIABLO! Be sure to let them know.

Fast forward a few days and I’m perusing the canned meat aisle at Walmart, trying to decide how many cans of Manwich Chili WITH BEANS! I needed. (Spoiler Alert: 2) when I heard someone coming at me in one of those little scooters. I turned and looked at him and then made sure that my basket was far enough over to give him room to get around and went back to the very serious business of canned meats.

Instead of going around me, the guy stopped and the said ‘I THINK I WENT TO SKOOOOOL WITH YEWWWWWWWWWWWW.”

At this point I let out an audible sigh, looked to the sky and said “WHY ME GOD? WHY ME?”

I turned around, looked at him again and then awkwardly shrugged my shoulders and said “Sorry, I don’t think I recognize you.” He then said “I went to Redneck High, did you?” “Yeah.” He then told me he was the class of ’85 and I told him I was ’86 and he said “Yeah, I thought so.”

I still didn’t recognize him so he told me that he was in the band. I told him that didn’t seem to help. So then he told me all about the guy who was the Band Director back then almost dying in a motorcycle accident and other small talk about school and he rode off into the sunset without ever telling me his name. I still don’t know who he is even though he seemed to know me.

This is why I don’t like to go out in public.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS