Hola Comrades! By now you know that what started out as a smart-ass joke by a NY Daily News reporter, turned into a really moronic story on a right-wing website which then turned into a super embarrassing situation for Senator Rand Paul. The guy who ran the bullshit story that SecDef nominee Chuck Hagel had given a speech to the “Friends of Hamas” now claims that he had THREE separate sources for that story, but admits that he doesn’t know if they were being truthful or not. Well, since that’s how journalism is done, here is my report for IWS World Media for Thursday, February 21, 2013…
BREAKING NEWS! IWS World Media has learned from sources that the photograph of Karl Rove as a Nazi Officer distributed by the Tea Party, originally assumed to be a photoshop, is in fact REAL!
It turns out that Mr. Rove, AKA: Turd Blossom is a big fan of both Adolf Hitler and his Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels! Rove has long admired Goebbels ability to put out all kinds of loony stories about his political enemies and make people believe it. In fact, he used Mr. Goebbels’ techniques when the Bush Administration convinced America to go to war with Iraq.
In addition to that, Rove has made many statements to friends and colleagues over the years about how much agrees with Hitler and Goebbels visions for the world. In fact, we have gathered some things that Mr. Rove has said over the years about different groups of people.
Blacks: “I just don’t see any use for black folks at all. I mean, I guess maybe some blues and jazz music, but nothing else. They freaking ruined basketball. It used to be a beautiful sport of men passing, screening and running backdoor plays then laying the ball off the backboard as softly as they touched their newborn baby’s cheek. Now? They run up and down the floor so fast and dunk the ball and jump so high and people think that’s exciting? Pathetic! Basically blacks are just lazy criminals who are just sitting around looking for a government handout. Not a single one of them ever worked hard for anything they have, and that includes Obama!”
Latinos: “They do a good job mowing my lawn and keeping my flowers pretty, I’ll give them that. I’m also a big fan of Chicken Tortilla Soup which they seem to excel at making. And, they definitely can make Tacos and Burritos though. Honestly though? That’s it. If I never have to listen to another GOD-DAMN mariachi tune again it’ll be too soon. Seriously, all I think of them is how I’ll see 12 of them stuffed into a Toyota 4x4 on the highway or 27 of them living in a one bedroom apt. They live like animals!”
Asians: “They do a good job of cleaning my suits and Asian Women are HAWT! That’s it though. They pretend to not understand what I’m saying when I know they speak better English than I do. They’re scheming, back-stabbing, lying, product-and-intellectual-property-stealing little bastards! They cut in front of you in line at the market too.”
Jews: “Gass ‘em all! There will finally be jobs available to good Christians in the financial, media and entertainment world. Best of all, I won’t have to hear about that bullshit Holocaust story they made up for sympathy anymore. MY GOD I’m sick of that!”
As you can see folks, Mr. Rove has a long history of saying very unfortunate and hurtful things about a number of minority groups. I know you are probably having a hard time believing that he actually said those quotes that I found on the internet. I can understand that, but let me assure you I have confirmed each of those statements with at least three separate people whom I interact with on a regular basis online and know for a fact to be quite reliable arbiters of the truth. Most of the time anyway.
Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS
Editor’s Note: The body of this article has 666 words, which we here at IWS World Media consider to be confirmation from God that we believe everything written here that came from our trustworthy sources to be true. God wouldn’t lie to us.
In other news you should totally listen to Matt and Jay Uncrossed on Wednesday's I'm With Stupid. We talked about Mindy McCready shooting her dog, Tim Tebow being a raging bigot and Mississippi joining the 19th Century among other hilarious topics. Check it out!
BREAKING NEWS! IWS World Media has learned from sources that the photograph of Karl Rove as a Nazi Officer distributed by the Tea Party, originally assumed to be a photoshop, is in fact REAL!
It turns out that Mr. Rove, AKA: Turd Blossom is a big fan of both Adolf Hitler and his Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels! Rove has long admired Goebbels ability to put out all kinds of loony stories about his political enemies and make people believe it. In fact, he used Mr. Goebbels’ techniques when the Bush Administration convinced America to go to war with Iraq.
In addition to that, Rove has made many statements to friends and colleagues over the years about how much agrees with Hitler and Goebbels visions for the world. In fact, we have gathered some things that Mr. Rove has said over the years about different groups of people.
Blacks: “I just don’t see any use for black folks at all. I mean, I guess maybe some blues and jazz music, but nothing else. They freaking ruined basketball. It used to be a beautiful sport of men passing, screening and running backdoor plays then laying the ball off the backboard as softly as they touched their newborn baby’s cheek. Now? They run up and down the floor so fast and dunk the ball and jump so high and people think that’s exciting? Pathetic! Basically blacks are just lazy criminals who are just sitting around looking for a government handout. Not a single one of them ever worked hard for anything they have, and that includes Obama!”
Latinos: “They do a good job mowing my lawn and keeping my flowers pretty, I’ll give them that. I’m also a big fan of Chicken Tortilla Soup which they seem to excel at making. And, they definitely can make Tacos and Burritos though. Honestly though? That’s it. If I never have to listen to another GOD-DAMN mariachi tune again it’ll be too soon. Seriously, all I think of them is how I’ll see 12 of them stuffed into a Toyota 4x4 on the highway or 27 of them living in a one bedroom apt. They live like animals!”
Asians: “They do a good job of cleaning my suits and Asian Women are HAWT! That’s it though. They pretend to not understand what I’m saying when I know they speak better English than I do. They’re scheming, back-stabbing, lying, product-and-intellectual-property-stealing little bastards! They cut in front of you in line at the market too.”
Jews: “Gass ‘em all! There will finally be jobs available to good Christians in the financial, media and entertainment world. Best of all, I won’t have to hear about that bullshit Holocaust story they made up for sympathy anymore. MY GOD I’m sick of that!”
As you can see folks, Mr. Rove has a long history of saying very unfortunate and hurtful things about a number of minority groups. I know you are probably having a hard time believing that he actually said those quotes that I found on the internet. I can understand that, but let me assure you I have confirmed each of those statements with at least three separate people whom I interact with on a regular basis online and know for a fact to be quite reliable arbiters of the truth. Most of the time anyway.
Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS
Editor’s Note: The body of this article has 666 words, which we here at IWS World Media consider to be confirmation from God that we believe everything written here that came from our trustworthy sources to be true. God wouldn’t lie to us.
In other news you should totally listen to Matt and Jay Uncrossed on Wednesday's I'm With Stupid. We talked about Mindy McCready shooting her dog, Tim Tebow being a raging bigot and Mississippi joining the 19th Century among other hilarious topics. Check it out!
4 comments:
In spite of our political differences, I have always found Karl to be so very warm, so very human..God Bless Him. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Claudia was flying back from DC awhile back and happened to be on the same plane as Rove. I told her she could have taken out the pilots and crashed the plane and save the country a whole lot of heartache. She didn't do it. I've never forgiven her.
Matt-Man: I'm sure you're being completely sincere.
Jay
Mike: Maybe you'll get lucky and YOU will be on the same plane with Rove sometime. hehe
Jay
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