Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Even More Onion Like Headlines


Hola y’all! You know what time it is? Hell yes! It’s time again for more Onion-Like Headlines.

- GOP tries to improve the party’s image by hiring Chris Brown as their new spokesperson.

- Obama now just using live streaming surveillance video from Drones to watch Sasha’s soccer games from the comfort of the White House.

- TNT Execs “Proud” of the job Reggie Miller is doing to ruin the NBA for every fan. Now ready to add him to the cast of Rizzoli & Isles to see if he can ruin that show too.

- Republican Congressman upset that he forgot to compare Obama to Hilter during Fox & Friends interview, asks for a “do-over.”

- Even black people say they’ve had enough of Alicia Keys for a while.

- Strippers looking to rest up and recover from wild NBA All Star weekend disappointed to find out that they’re staying at the same resort as Charlie Sheen.

- President Obama likes to use his Nobel Peace Prize as a paperweight to keep his Kill List from blowing away when someone opens the doors to the patio.

- Blogger and Speculative Comedian furious at the lack of recognition he received for his funny tweet that was “favorited” by five people.

- Marco Rubio erupts in anger at waitress who asked if he needed any more water.

- After seeing Katherine Webb on Inside Edition and then in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, America decides that Brent Musburger has shitty taste in “babes.”

- Local Tea Party tries to hold up vote by Parks Committee concerning repainting of jungle gym until they get some answers on Benghazi.

- NYC Ad Firm admits they’re on a quest to make the stupidest commercial of all time.

- Only 147 years after the end of the Civil War Mississippi finishes ratifying the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Governor Phil Bryant was quoted as saying “Since I haven’t heard anyone else talking about this, I guess we’re the first state to ratify the amendment, right?”


Hoo-Wee! That was another good time with Onion-Like Headlines wasn’t kids? I thought so.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS


8 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Ha...Of course Musburger has shitty tastes in babes, and Mrs. Musburger has even less taste in husbands. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

Are you sure the one about Mississippi isn't true?

Gnetch said...

Was Alicia Keys ever really relevant???

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Mrs. Musburger probably loves that Brent is on the road most of the year. If he were home she'd leave him.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Art imitates life sometimes. Or something like that.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Oh totally. Like back in 2001 and 2002 or so.

Jay

Jo said...

The Marco Rubio glug-glug-glug thing still makes me laugh so hard! He looked like a baby goat, I was just captivated.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I loved the "keep eye contact with the viewer" thing as much as the gulping. What I love most about it, is that he was actually trying to keep his place on the teleprompter that he mocks Obama for using.

Jay