Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Even More Onion Like Headlines

Hola y’all! You know what time it is? Hell yes! It’s time again for more Onion-Like Headlines.

- GOP tries to improve the party’s image by hiring Chris Brown as their new spokesperson.

- Obama now just using live streaming surveillance video from Drones to watch Sasha’s soccer games from the comfort of the White House.

- TNT Execs “Proud” of the job Reggie Miller is doing to ruin the NBA for every fan. Now ready to add him to the cast of Rizzoli & Isles to see if he can ruin that show too.

- Republican Congressman upset that he forgot to compare Obama to Hilter during Fox & Friends interview, asks for a “do-over.”

- Even black people say they’ve had enough of Alicia Keys for a while.

- Strippers looking to rest up and recover from wild NBA All Star weekend disappointed to find out that they’re staying at the same resort as Charlie Sheen.

- President Obama likes to use his Nobel Peace Prize as a paperweight to keep his Kill List from blowing away when someone opens the doors to the patio.

- Blogger and Speculative Comedian furious at the lack of recognition he received for his funny tweet that was “favorited” by five people.

- Marco Rubio erupts in anger at waitress who asked if he needed any more water.

- After seeing Katherine Webb on Inside Edition and then in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, America decides that Brent Musburger has shitty taste in “babes.”

- Local Tea Party tries to hold up vote by Parks Committee concerning repainting of jungle gym until they get some answers on Benghazi.

- NYC Ad Firm admits they’re on a quest to make the stupidest commercial of all time.

- Only 147 years after the end of the Civil War Mississippi finishes ratifying the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Governor Phil Bryant was quoted as saying “Since I haven’t heard anyone else talking about this, I guess we’re the first state to ratify the amendment, right?”

Hoo-Wee! That was another good time with Onion-Like Headlines wasn’t kids? I thought so.



I'm With Stupid said...

Ha...Of course Musburger has shitty tastes in babes, and Mrs. Musburger has even less taste in husbands. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Are you sure the one about Mississippi isn't true?

Gnetch said...

Was Alicia Keys ever really relevant???

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Mrs. Musburger probably loves that Brent is on the road most of the year. If he were home she'd leave him.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Art imitates life sometimes. Or something like that.


I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Oh totally. Like back in 2001 and 2002 or so.


Jo said...

The Marco Rubio glug-glug-glug thing still makes me laugh so hard! He looked like a baby goat, I was just captivated.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I loved the "keep eye contact with the viewer" thing as much as the gulping. What I love most about it, is that he was actually trying to keep his place on the teleprompter that he mocks Obama for using.