Friday, January 4, 2013

More Onion-Like Headlines

Hola Y’all! It’s time for another round of Onion-Like Headlines. You might remember that I did some of these back in February and said it would be a regular feature. Well, it only took me eleven months to come up with some more! I’m so damn clever it amazes even me. Okay, here we go…

“Hillary Clinton Tells Her Favorite Monica Lewinsky Jokes”

“College Coaches: 'We're Overpaid, Cut Our Salaries and Use the Money on the Kids.'”

“Oprah Dines at Waffle House Several Times a Week”

“Oklahoma Scenery Voted Most Beautiful by People Who Have Never Been There”

“113 Congress Promises to Stop Being So Damn Productive”

“Rush Limbaugh Says Tyler Perry Movies are His Guilty Pleasure”

“Rachael Ray Embarrasses Self by Leaves Big Tip for Appreciative Wait Staff”

“Networks Promise to Make Reality TV More 'Lowbrow'”

“Celine Dion: 'My Music is Average at Best'”

“Ohio Residents Confused, Anxious and Paranoid Over Being Called ‘Meth Capital of the US’”

“President Obama Promises to Aggravate Everyone by Taking Slow, Methodical Approach to the Debt Limit Fight”


“Victoria's Secret Model Admits She Was Beautiful in High School and Got Asked on Dates All the Time”

“NFL Owners and Players Concerned That They Might Be Putting Fans First”

“U.S. Pharmaceutical Industry Says Americans Take too Many Pills”

“Michelle Obama Says to Quit 'Nitpicking' Your Kids' Diets”

“Mommy Bloggers Admit Their Kids aren't Anything Special”

“Israel Apologizes for Not Killing Enough Palestinians in Last Attack.”

“Republicans Refuse to Renew ‘Violence Against Women’ Act. All Go Home and Tell Their Wives ‘I Hate Myself for What I Did’”

“Rihanna Criticizes Barbara Streisand for Not Using Auto-Tune Because Natural Voices Sound Weird.”

“Mississippi Afraid Children are Getting ‘Too Much Book Learning’”

“Nicolas Cage’s Latest Movie is Another Masterpiece”

Eh … Obviously I’ll never get a job with The Onion. Maybe the next round of headlines, in late Dec 2013, will be better.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS


In other news Wednesday’s episode of I’m With Stupid was 45 minutes of warm, charming and even funny internet radio. We just rolled along jumping from topic to topic as if we knew what we were doing. It was just a free-flowing conversation on things ranging from the Fiscal (or Physical) Cliff to college bowl games to chatting with Schmoop to everything in between. So, check the show out and we’ll bring a smile to your face and warm your heart. More or less. So totally check it out!


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2 comments:

Mike said...

Hey! I thought Missouri was the meth capital of the US. WAIT! That was a joke.... nevermind.

I'm With Stupid said...

We're Number One!! We're Number One!! Cheers!!

Matt-Man