Hola y’all! Santa came over tonight and hung out with me and agreed to do a Jay Said, Santa Said for the blog cause he’s cool like that.
Santa: Beer please. And some chips. I’m hungry.
Jay: I’ve already got them for you; uh please don’t smoke in here.
Santa: I’m Santa Claus I can smoke anywhere I fucking please.
Jay: It’s bad for you though.
Santa: So is sliding down everyone’s filthy chimney but nobody tells me not to do that!
Jay: Good point.
Santa: Nobody cares about my wellbeing.
Jay: Now, that’s just not true.
Santa: Really? Everyone leaves cookies, fudge and cake for me.
Jay: I’m sure some people in Cali leave granola and soy milk.
Santa: Yes and that shit is disgusting!
Jay: I know being Santa isn’t easy, but not THAT bad.
Santa: Nobody ever asks what I want for Christmas.
Jay: That’s only because you can have whatever you want.
Santa: Yeah, but having someone else get it for me would be nice every once in a while.
Jay: But, you’re Santa Claus. You do this out of the goodness of your heart.
Santa: I should sell ads.
Jay: Really? Sell out like that?
Santa: Nothing big. Maybe just some small ads on the wrapping paper?
Jay: Maybe on the tag?
Santa: That’s brilliant! “To Timmy … From Santa brought to you by Tostitos” or something.
Jay: I’m thinking Johnsonville Brats.
Santa: I like the way you think.
Jay: With your sophisticated marketing operations, you should be able to target ads.
Santa: I’m thinking of asking Google to help me with that.
Jay: You’ll get some criticism for this.
Santa: Only from the pink-o, panty-waste, atheist, baby-killing liberals who hate me already.
Jay: That’s true.
Santa: So fuck them
Jay: Hell yeah! You go Santa!
Santa: Same as always. Greedy, spoiled kids demanding expensive toys.
Jay: Gets worse every year.
Santa: Damn right it does. And I get pissed on at least four times a day.
Jay: Is your suit water proof?
Santa: I spray it down with a special formula so I don’t smell like piss all day.
Jay: Well if you did, you could just take the bus and fit right in.
Santa: Hey-OOOOOOOOO!
Jay: Is there anything good about being Santa?
Santa: Well there are a few things.
Jay: The joy of the season? Happy children smiling and laughing?
Santa: Well that and a few “fringe benefits.”
Jay: Oh really? Like groupies?
Santa: Dude. Every hot chick in the world wants to sit on Santa’s lap.
Jay: That’s awesome.
Santa: It’s crazy. Hell, I can go to any strip club and get a free lap dance for every single girl there.
Jay: I’m so jealous.
Santa: You should be. In some of the dodgier places I can get a free handy too.
Jay: Santa! I’m so disappointed in you!
Santa: Oh please! Spare me your fake indignation. I never claimed to be a role model.
Jay: Well, that’s true. I guess anyone would take advantage of being Santa a little bit.
Santa: I’m only human dude.
Jay: Good point.
Santa: Well, I better be off.
Jay: Got big plans?
Santa: Getting pissed on by kids and free lap dances from strippers.
Jay: Typical weekend then.
Santa: Yup.
Jay: Well, Merry Christmas and safe travels Santa.
Santa: Thanks my friend.
There you go. As you can see, Santa is a very complicated, yet fun and thoughtful guy.
Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS
11 comments:
That was pretty funny, but my most profound thought to say in regards to this post is that, while most people think that they truly know me; they really don't. I really have a "thing" for obviously bleached-blondes. Oh Yeah, Baby!! Cheers!!
Matt
Boy that Santa is a bit of a handful...Jay perhaps you should have escorted him to the club..he needs to be able to fly in a few short days...can't have him three sheets to the wind with the reigns in his hands. Kiddies everywhere are counting on him.
I love the whole bit about the ads!!
So is Jay off to the strip club in his Santa suit?
If he tries to come into my house I'm going to whack him with a hockey stick. Bad Santa!
Usually I don't learn article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, quite great post.
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Matt-Man: As much as I love really trashy broads, that skank might be a bit too much for me. Okay, not really. ha!
Jay
Jamie: You might be right. I should go with him to make sure he doesn't get into any trouble.
Jay
Dianne: If I were Santa I would totally sign a few global ad deals.
Jay
Mike: Let me know which club you're going to so we don't both end up there in our Santa suits.
Jay
Jo: It's always terrible when your favorite celebrities turn out to be crummy people. haha
Jay
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