I Love Conspiracy Theorists

Hola conspiracy theorists! I’m a magnet for weirdos  freaks, creeps, punks, geeks, sportos, motorheads, dweebs, dorks, sluts, butt-heads and mentally unstable. I’m not complaining because that’s what makes life interesting. Also, I often times have very serious concerns about my own mental well-being until I meet one of these people and I feel better about myself. Anyway, people feel free to share their conspiracy theories with me all the time. I thought I would share a few of them with you guys.

Space Junkie: I was walking into Walmart one very hot summer day and there was a truck driver right next to me. I gave him the bro-nod and said “hi” to him and he then asked me “hot enough for ya?” I answered in the affirmative and he then said “I tell you what! If they don’t stop shootin’ stuff off into outer space, they’re gonna make it too damn hot to live here on this planet.”

I told him I always thought it had something to do with the positioning of the Earth and Sun during the summer months here in the Northern Hemisphere. “Well, that’s what they tell us, isn’t it?” was his response as he shook his head in bitter disappointment that I had fallen victim to the government weather propaganda machine.

Miss Independent: I met a coworker’s mother once who spent every single day of her life defending American Independence from the threat posed by the United Nations. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that the U.N. was working to take over America first and then the rest of the world would fall into line under a ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT! In fact, for a while in early 1992 she was sure that the great U.N. Coup was underway right under our noses.

“If you drive past the National Guard building near the airport, coming from Highway 65, really slow” she told me in hushed tones “and look behind the building … *looks around to see if anyone is listening* … you will see two white Jeeps with blue ‘U.N.’ lettering on them.”

I stared at her slack-jawed with wide eyes and loudly whispered “NO SHIT?!?” She nodded knowingly so that I knew that she understood how much fear I was in and she then shushed me in case anyone was listening in.

Sovereign Citizen: This guy was my neighbor for a while back in the day. He had a new cell phone and was talking about how he could sign up for alerts from the Power Company and Cable Company when there are outages and stuff. I told him he could also get emergency messages in case of bad weather or even terrorists attacks. Before I could even finish talking he was shaking his head.

“I’m not giving the government my phone number dude. No damn way that’s happening!” He fired back. “Hell, I refuse to even give them my social security number when they ask for it on different forms. They just don’t need to have any kind of access to me and my life like that.”  I asked him how giving them his phone number would hurt he replied “If they get my phone number, they can track me pretty easily.”

And there are lots and lots more. Most of them pushing some variation of the U.N. takeover of America and even a few who told me about Mexico taking Texas back after the Latino Power Structure takes over the Texas and federal governments. And, there was the barber who explained that all of our problems can be traced to “bad Americans” buying all these foreign cars. Like I said, I love each and every one of these people and thank them for entertaining me so much over the years.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS