Thursday, September 27, 2012

And You Think That You Have Had Some Wacky Dreams!?

As many of you know, I have been under the weather of late, not eating, and have been downing cold/sore throat pills by the gross, and sleeping…

A Lot!!

I bet that over the last 72 hours I have, and I’m not exaggerating, slept 48-50 hours, and…

When you combine the illness, along with the no food, the drugs, and the sleep, strange things are bound to happen, and strange things have happened to me, in the form of the unbelievable dreams I have had during this period of an over zealous sleep cycle.

Now dig it…

These crazy dreams began Sunday night, when I dreamt that Mitt Romney went on national TV, it may have been 60 Minutes, and declared to the nation that it was more than fair for him to pay a lower tax rate than a family making 50,000 a year because when rich people like him pay a lower rate, they invest, spur growth, and create jobs.

Ha, IKR!!?  Tell me that ain’t some whacked out Salvador Dali type of a dream.

I mean c’mon, you’d have to be a totally out of touch asshole and worthless Presidential candidate to say that on national TV.  Ha…I woke up to go the bathroom after that, and peed all the floor I was laughing so hard.

And Monday night?  Oh Dear God, Monday night I went to sleep for good at about 11:15.  The dreams I had between then, and 9:30 Monday morning.  You can’t make this shit up.

I was dreaming that I was officiating the Green Bay/Seattle football game.  I was standing in the end zone watching a scrum of players go up for a last second Hail Mary pass.  Not only did I miss a blatant offensive pass interference call, I ruled that the guy who didn’t actually catch the ball, actually did…and for a game winning TD no less.

Can you imagine the furor that would take place over something like that if it happened in an actual NFL game on Monday Night Football?  Oh My…I shudder to think.

Tuesday morning after waking, falling back to sleep, and evidently still thinking about the botched call dream from earlier, I had a dream about Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.  It was pretty damn funny.

They were talking about how they were outraged by the replacement refs, and wanted the real, unionized refs back on the field officiating NFL games.

I got up to take a shower, and was chuckling the entire time thinking…

“Romney and Ryan calling for the return of Union employees? You’re losing your mind Mahoney; you’d better eat something.”

Well I still had no appetite, but I did get good news in the form that I didn’t have to go into work, so what did I do?  That’s right, I laid on the couch, and within a few minutes, was sound asleep and once again dreaming.

My first dream?  I dreamed that Schmoop came home early, with not only beer for her, but two Vitamin Waters for me, and then proceeded to pre-make dinner for me should I decide to eat later.  Ha!!  Yeah right, like that would ever happen!!

And then listen, no seriously, I actually had dream about this…it was so freaking surreal.

I had a somnolent vision of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan standing before a crowd at the Dayton International Airport, and the crowd assembled begins chanting, “Ryan!! Ryan!! Ryan!!”

Ha!!  And only after Romney tells the crowd...

“No, No, It’s…Romney/Ryan!! Romney/Ryan!! Romney/Ryan!!” do they say, “Okay, whatever.”, and then chant softly, but politely, “Romney/Ryan.”

People often say that truth is stranger than fiction, but I’m telling you, truth would have to be pretty damn strange to top the dreams I have had the last few days.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

12 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Ha! You had some wacky dreams dude. And that story about Romney shutting up a crowd chanting his running mate's name and trying to get them to include his? Freaking classic!

That's almost as crazy as that dream you had where Romney was getting his picture taken with a group of black people and he started signing "Who Let the Dogs out? .. Who? Who?"

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: Ha. IKR? If only Romney could be as funny in real life as he is in my dreams, he might get some traction. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

Whatever!!!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Anony: Whatever? Did you just whatever my dreams? That's hurtful. Cheers Miss!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

What kind of drugs are in that cold medicine? I want some.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Ha...I don't know. Pseudosephrastupid something? Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

This is classic! I'll buy you more pills;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Ha. I appreciate that, even though I know that you supplying me with Tylenol Cold pills is less for my relief and more for your personal amusement. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

True dat!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: ;)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

More like nightmares Matt man.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: Nightmarish to a point, but, I thought they were all kinda funny, because they were all so unbelievable. Cheers Peg!!

Matt-Man