I have a kinda personal post for you today, and well, it’s not very uplifting.
In fact, it’s depressing as hell, but I shall go forth with it, because the subject in question asked me to…
You know that friend you have?
The one who isn’t quite right due to drugs, alcohol, or some undefined mental illness, but you love him or her to death?
I have one of those, and her name is Schmoop.
Schmoop and I have lovingly lived in sin for nearly twelve years now, but of late, something has happened to her, and she has become someone other than herself.
Schmoop has always liked to drink, as do I, and she has always liked to sleep, but lately?
Our lovable Schmoop enjoys drinking more and more and sleeping more and more, and where does that leave me?
In a town called, Suckville!!
Now as many of you know, Schmoop, or Beth, as she appears in our comments, is my girlfriend and has been for 12 years.
We have always appeared happy go lucky, devil-may-care, and “George and Gracie in love”, which we still are, however…
We have a drinking problem in the Bagwine digs.
Schmoop drinks too much.
No, I’m not kidding; it’s not me, (well, okay I probably do as well) which you were all thinking anyway, but it’s all about the Schmoop, and she wanted me to write this, because she knows it and/or wants you to know it.
I know, we all do foolish things when we have been drinking, as our IWS friend, Dana and I are quite aware of, but it is another thing to get to the point where excessive drinking or any kind of addiction can ruin a friendship…or more importantly, a love.
I have been putting up with it for weeks, and being the patient man that I am, I let it go. Well, with her, not within my mind, until tonight, when I snapped.
To be perfectly graphic, I was on top of Schmoop and while wailing away, she said…
“That’s enough.”
After the awkward re-dressing of ourselves, I asked, “That’s it?”
And in a surreal, lilting voice, she said, ”Yeah, I've had enough.” (Ed. Note: Holy Shit Mahoney, that had to hurt.)
I wasn’t pissed. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t ready to take her head off.
I was, in a word, “sad.”
It was after we dressed that I asked her, “What the hell is your problem?” that she asked…
“What?”
I responded,…
“You are always drunk when you pick me up at work. Friday nights you are asleep. When I get home on Saturday nights you are drunk as hell. Sundays you entirely sleep away, and now this? Why the fuck don’t you love me?”
She said…
“I do love you, but I never noticed the stuff you are talking about.”
After I pointed out the many examples, we cried together, hugged, and she said, “I promise that I’ll make some changes.”
Uh-huh...
I know that she believes that, but she told me to post this for a reason, and that is for all of you to stay on her ass, and make her actually do it, and I hope you do, because…
I miss my Schmoop... alot.
Cheers and Thanks!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
In fact, it’s depressing as hell, but I shall go forth with it, because the subject in question asked me to…You know that friend you have?
The one who isn’t quite right due to drugs, alcohol, or some undefined mental illness, but you love him or her to death?
I have one of those, and her name is Schmoop.
Schmoop and I have lovingly lived in sin for nearly twelve years now, but of late, something has happened to her, and she has become someone other than herself.
Schmoop has always liked to drink, as do I, and she has always liked to sleep, but lately?
Our lovable Schmoop enjoys drinking more and more and sleeping more and more, and where does that leave me?
In a town called, Suckville!!
Now as many of you know, Schmoop, or Beth, as she appears in our comments, is my girlfriend and has been for 12 years.
We have always appeared happy go lucky, devil-may-care, and “George and Gracie in love”, which we still are, however…
We have a drinking problem in the Bagwine digs.
Schmoop drinks too much.
No, I’m not kidding; it’s not me, (well, okay I probably do as well) which you were all thinking anyway, but it’s all about the Schmoop, and she wanted me to write this, because she knows it and/or wants you to know it.
I know, we all do foolish things when we have been drinking, as our IWS friend, Dana and I are quite aware of, but it is another thing to get to the point where excessive drinking or any kind of addiction can ruin a friendship…or more importantly, a love.
I have been putting up with it for weeks, and being the patient man that I am, I let it go. Well, with her, not within my mind, until tonight, when I snapped.
To be perfectly graphic, I was on top of Schmoop and while wailing away, she said…
“That’s enough.”
After the awkward re-dressing of ourselves, I asked, “That’s it?”
And in a surreal, lilting voice, she said, ”Yeah, I've had enough.” (Ed. Note: Holy Shit Mahoney, that had to hurt.)
I wasn’t pissed. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t ready to take her head off.
I was, in a word, “sad.”
It was after we dressed that I asked her, “What the hell is your problem?” that she asked…
“What?”
I responded,…
“You are always drunk when you pick me up at work. Friday nights you are asleep. When I get home on Saturday nights you are drunk as hell. Sundays you entirely sleep away, and now this? Why the fuck don’t you love me?”
She said…
“I do love you, but I never noticed the stuff you are talking about.”
After I pointed out the many examples, we cried together, hugged, and she said, “I promise that I’ll make some changes.”
Uh-huh...
I know that she believes that, but she told me to post this for a reason, and that is for all of you to stay on her ass, and make her actually do it, and I hope you do, because…
I miss my Schmoop... alot.
Cheers and Thanks!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
27 comments:
Things like this come on slowly and we never notice it ourselves. Our friends and loved ones do. But the good thing about that is friends and loved ones are the people who are there to help instead of judge.
Love ya Schmoopster!
Jay
Jayman: Exactly, and thanks on behalf of the Schmoopster who I am sure will comment tomorrow, er..today. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
If I have to drive back to Bagwine to straighten her out I will.
ROAD TRIP!
I'm a friend of IWS, and you and Jay know me well, but I'm writing this anonymously. Although I don't know Beth personally, I think she's a super cool chick and I adore the poop out of her. That's why I decided to offer support. I'm a recovering addict. I used to think I couldn't live without my drug of choice, but I was forced into recovery. I was at the lowest point in my life. Since I was being monitored with random drug screens, and forced to attend 12 step meetings, I decided to finally let go and give into the process. I was amazed at how awesome I felt and how beautiful my life actually was without drugs. I used to think I needed drugs to cope with life, when in reality, it was only making it worse. It is really hard in the beginning, but it gets better and better as time goes on, I promise. It won't seem like it at first, but it gets easier with time. There will be highs and lows, but hey, that's life with everyone. It's hard to say if someone is a "true" alcoholic or is just abusing alcohol. There is a difference. Beth needs to find that out first. I wish I could go into it more, but this subject is too vast for a comment on a blog post. The best thing you can do Matt, is to be as supportive as possible and be there for Beth, which it seems like you've been doing so far. If you have any questions or need any information about the subject of addiction, just tell Jay to talk to me, and I can get back to you. He will know who this is when he reads the comment. My best to both of you. Keep the faith Beth, and trust in God. He will get you through this. Your online friends support you too!
I've got no words of wisdom. I have certainly been there - where other things became more important than the people who love me - and it's a difficult hole to crawl out of.
Just know that I love you both and am sending good thoughts your way as you navigate this difficult path.
It is difficult I am an occasional drinker I know the difficulties of dealing with someone you love choosing alcohol or other stuff first ...I left my husband of 24 years ...I still love him so hope he sobers up his family misses him! Happy him cause when you wake up the problems are still there! Recovery is positive substitutes and dealing with whatever is on our plate! Every day I. Conquer one day one moment one choice at a time! If you backslide pick yourself up dust your shoulders off and move on the more positive choices are what count! Good luck schmoop have confidence Matt truly loves you! That matters most!
Someone I love lost his way for a while after some traumatizing events. It wasn't a physical addiction in his case, but I'm not sure it matters so much what it is that takes a person away. At root it's about an addiction to a certain way of thinking and feeling.
It's a long road. I will say that life will never be the same and for a little while that was the most terrifying thought to me because I loved the way things were before he started struggling. But it turns out when you get to the other side, you get a shot at a more deliberate life, and being free of whatever was eating you makes this incredible, joyful difference. Totally worth it.
One of the hardest parts is learning not to mourn who you were, or how your relationships were, but to give over to the work of what you're in right now, and where you want to be.
I only know you through the way Matt talks about you, Beth, and from that you must be pretty wonderful. You guys are brave to put this out there, I really admire that. Best to you, you have this great love on your side.
I have no words of wisdom Matt-Man.
I'm sorry you both have to go through this.
I admire your honesty.
Matty, I am greatful you wrote this. I need to be held accountable, or I won't do anything. I know I'm a mess, and I'm sorry I hurt you.
Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words. I really don't deserve them, but I thank you for them just the same.
Thanks All. You are all too kind. Cheers!!
Matt-Man
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