Thursday, August 23, 2012

Low Tires and Full Bags

Hola y’all! So I had a very important top secret mission on Tuesday which I was using my mother’s car to accomplish. I used her car because it doesn’t get driven much and need to be and because it was full of gas. Before launching the mission I ran to Walgreen’s to take advantage of their four 12-packs of Pepsi for only $11 deal. Can’t pass that up!

As I was leaving I noticed that the front right tire on mom’s car was very low. So, I headed up to White Oak Station to use the air machine for only .75 cents. But, there was a problem. See, the thingy … uh … you know what I mean … THE THINGY! COME ON, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! GODDAMMIT DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! THE DOOHICKEY YOU PUT THE AIR IN THE TIRE THROUGH.

Oh yeah, the stem … or … valve stem! Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, the valve stem on those tires is on the wrong side. It’s on the inside of the tire and I had to reach through a hole in the wheel to get to it. But, I couldn’t get the air hose through it and onto the valve stem. I was just letting more air out of the tire and I was afraid it was going to get stuck in there I would end up with a flat tire.

So, I had to go down the road a way to Beeler’s Tire Service. And of course I had to explain to the guy there who looked at me like a total fucking moron what the deal was. He then just nodded and went got a special thingamabob attachment to put on the air hose and started airing up the tires. I’m sure while he was doing that he was thinking “Look at Mr. Prissy McFancypants there who can’t even air up his own tires.” I just know he was thinking that and man it pisses me off.

Anyway, he airs up the tires and says “They were all low, but that one over there was all the way down to 18 pounds!” He did with this indignant “MY GOD! YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU’VE PUT THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY AT RISK THROUGH YOUR RECKLESS DRIVING ON A TIRE LOW ON AIR! I HAVE CHILDREN! YOU COULD HAVE LOST CONTROL AND KILLED THEM! look on his face.

This experience left me feeling pretty bad about myself for the rest of the day. On my way home I stopped at Hudson’s Grocery to pick up a few items. Hudson’s is “The People Pleasing Place” you know. Anyway, Hudson’s is an old school type grocery store where they not only bag your groceries but carry them out to your car for you. You big city folks probably don’t get that kind of service at your grocery stores.

Anyway, I don’t ever let them carry my bags out because I never have more than two anyway. Also, they use really good sack, the kinds with handles and everything. Top quality stuff. But, I guess I was feeling a bit defensive so when the kid asked “Need any help with these” I replied “DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE I NEED HELP? I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN CARRY TWO LITTLE OLD SACKS OF FOOD TO MY CAR WITHOUT KEELING OVER.”

Okay, not really. But, I did rather sarcastically say “I’m pretty sure I can handle it.” Now I feel bad cause he was kind of apologetic the way he handed me the bags and said “Okay, yes sir. Here you go.” Worse than that, about halfway to the car I started thinking “Damn, did he put the canned goods AND the bag of potatoes in the same sack? This bitch is heavy.”

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

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In other news we totally violated Rep. Todd Akin on the Legitimate Rape Show on I’m With Stupid today. You should totally listen.


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13 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I bet you wear sweatpants every day don't you? You have given up Jayman; it's time to come back and LIVE dammit!! Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

Jay, I have a slow leak in my right front tire and the thing in my car keeps pointing it out... It's making me nervous and my husband puts air in it every few days and has out a couple of cans of Fix-a-flat in it... Missy

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Sweatpants? No. Not in public.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mischie: Fix-A-Flat? That's a bad idea. Take it to a tire place and get it fixed right.

Jay

Jo said...

Oh it's a VALVE STEM. Under-inflated tires make me manic and I have to go get them plumped up right away. Do you remember when air was free?

In the big city they do offer to carry our bags, but if you take them up on it they punch you. Life is hard in the city.

Beth said...

I am so glad I have "people" for the air thingamajigy and the grocery carrying. I'm delicate you know.

Dana said...

I live in such a small town that we have a market with a butcher shop AND paper bags with handles that the baggers carry out to our car AND free air.

I'm smugly superior ... AGAIN!!!

Gnetch said...

But what's that secret mission? WHAT IS ITTTT?

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Remember that it's called a valve stem so you can impress someone someday. Yes, I do remember when air was free. I also remember when gas was .75 cents a gallon.

I can only imagine how rough and tumble big city stores are.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: I know how delicate you are!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: Free air? That's an outrage! You live in a Socialist Hellhole! I can't believe the sense of entitlement the people in your town must have if you DEMAND and get free air.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: It was a trip over to your house to deliver pizza and vodka. haha ;-p ;-p

Jay

Mike said...

What the hell kind of wheel has the valve stem on the inside of the tire?