Thursday, May 10, 2012

Joe Biden is a Great American


Hola Great Americans and everyone else! Vice President Joe Biden is getting a lot of credit for pushing President Obama into finally coming out in favor of Gay Marriage. And, he does deserve a lot of credit. Maybe not as much as IWS Radio, but he does deserve some credit. Anyway, what most people don’t know is that Joe Biden has played a major role in many very important moments in American History….

1620: I think something like a “Mayflower Compact” would be a great thing to do to set a few rules and whatnot.

1752: Yo Bennie … Why don’t you go fly a fucking kite, huh?

1773: I think we should all have one more pint and then go throw all that fucking tea into Boston Harbor.

1776: You know Tommy-Boy, if you have so damn many problems with the Brits, maybe you should just sit down and list them all and then have everyone sign it and mail it to the King? Aaaaaaand, if you really wanna piss him off, you should tell him that “All men are created equal!”

1785: I don’t see any reason to admit a state that wants to call itself “Franklin.” That’s just a stupid name. I mean, I know they’re worried about being associated with the Carolinas, and what those people might do in the future, but still, I wouldn’t accept their application for admission into the union.

1789: Oh I’m definitely running for President, and I think I can beat this George Washington guy.

1789: BTW, we need a Constitution. That’s a pretty big fucking deal, yanno?

1791: I’m completely comfortable with a “Bill of Rights.” I think it’s necessary.

1803: I’m not much of a shopper, but I would sure as hell by the Louisiana Territory.

1815: I think sending Col Jackson down the Mighty Mississip and kicking some British Ass at New Orleans really needs to happen.

1836: I think you have to stand your ground and defend the Alamo to the last man. But, that’s just my opinion.

1857: I’m completely and totally opposed to the Dread Scott decision. You know, I gave Jefferson that whole “All men are created equal” line and I meant it.

1863: I would issue an Emancipation Proclamation. I’m comfortable with that.

1884: I’m running for President again!

1896: Plessy v Ferguson decision is bullshit!

1920: Gotta let women vote. Com on guys! You just gotta.

1933-1951: I’m good with whatever FDR and Truman are doing. (Bonus from ’51: “I’d fire that asshole MacArthur!”)

1952, 56, 60: I’m running!

1964: I think the Civil Rights Act is a swell idea and I’d sign that bad boy!

1968, 72, 76, 84, 88, 92, 2000, 20004, 20008: I’m running! 

2011: You know, somebody needs to but a bullet in Osama bin Laden’s head and dump that piece of shit in the ocean.

So, as you can see, Joe Biden has done so much good for America over the years. I’m so glad he is finally getting the recognition he deserves.


8 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I have always dug the Joe-Man, but I never knew he was so ubiquitous and far reaching. I love him even more now. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

A lot of research went into this ... ummm ... enlightning post. You must really be .... fascinated ... with ol' Joe.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: We owe our very existence as Americans to Joe!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Of course it took a lot of research! Do you think I just make stuff up???

Jay

Dana said...

Wait! You forgot one! Joe's stellar performance on Jeopardy's Teen Tournament this past Wednesday. He read all of the clues on "the history and importance of the automobile in America" category ... and it took him FOREVER!

Fortune Cookies said...

Also, you forgot to mention, 1973: I support a woman's right to choose whether to terminate or to continue with a pregnancy. I mean, otherwise, we'd have about 6 or 8 more mini-Joe B's running around! Hey-yo!

I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: I saw Joe on Jeopardy! and he did have a bit of a slow delivery. Maybe he had to do it really early in the morning?

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Cookie: I left Roe v Wade out cause I didn't want to be controversial. HA! Okay, I actually forgot it. I mean, I was going to, but when I wrote it I forgot. Dammit.

Jay