Hola Bitches! Well, he did it again. Tim Tebow led his
Denver Broncos to another unlikely win. This time, he did it on the big stage
of the NFL playoffs and against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Nobody thought the
Broncos had a chance in hell of even staying close. Well, nobody except Tim
Tebow and yours truly. I told the Matt-Man on Friday that the Broncos had a
chance. And, as so often is the case, I was right.
I got to thinking about all the Tebow hate and have come to
a conclusion that it goes much deeper than what most people think. Generally
people in the media and sports fans simply say that the Tebow hate is because
of how he is so public about his religious beliefs. Many people say that Tebow
hate is actually hatred against ALL Christians.
While there certainly is some backlash against his very
public Christian beliefs, I don’t think disliking him means someone hates ALL
Christians. In fact, for a lot of people I think it’s more personal. Not
personal about Tim, but personal about themselves. See, everything always seems
to work out great for Tim Terrific. And for most people, well, things don’t
work out well. At least, we don’t feel like they do. So, when we see someone
who seems always get the lucky break, we get jealous.
That’s right kids. Tim Tebow is the NFL’s Ferris Bueller
(with a better set of ethics and morals) and we’re all Cameron just sitting
there staring at him trying to figure out how it is that EVERYTHING always
works out for him.
So, I think it would be great to create a reality TV show
just following Tim around all day long as amazing things constantly happen to
him. It would get huge ratings because people who love him AND the people who
hate him would all watch. The Tebow Lovers will be thrilled and amazed at Tim’s
great life and the haters will be driven to drink and spiral further and
further into self-hatred and despair.
Here’s what an average day would be like for Tim Tebow…
- Tim will be running late in the morning, but amazingly
there will be some Krispy Kreme Donuts on the counter. How lucky is that? And, as he’s driving to the stadium for
practice, every single traffic light will turn green.
- He goes to Target to get some jeans. Unfortunately, they
don’t have anything with inseam longer than 36” and Tim needs 38”. Of course,
being Tim he was cool with this and decided to check out their shirts. While he
was doing that, an employee comes by and restocks the jeans shelf and there are
two pairs of jeans with 38” inseam! So awesome!
- Tim then goes to Best Buy to look at plasma TVs. He finds
one he thinks is perfect, but it’s really expensive and buying it would be way
to showy for a guy like him. Suddenly, an employee walks by and puts a “Today
Only! 60% Off” sign on top of the plasma TV he wanted. So, he gets an amazing
bargain!
- By this time it’s snowing heavily in Denver, so Tim has to
be very careful driving home. But, amazingly enough just as he turns onto the
road that goes to his neighborhood he sees the snow plow is in front him, so he
just pulls in behind it and has a much safer drive home than it would have
been.
- Tim gets home, hooks up his new TV, turns it on and
Gilmore Girls is on! While watching Gilmore Girls Tim gets hungry but then
realizes he forgot to go to the store and he has absolutely nothing good to eat
in the house. Right at that moment, Lindsay Vonn shows up with a freaking
pizza.
There you have it folks. It isn’t just football that works
out for Tim all the time. Every single thing in Tim’s life works out in
mysterious ways. That’s what every episode would be. Just following Tebow
around while he lives his perfect freaking life and everyone at home either
celebrates or gets really pissed off.
4 comments:
Well...I think Tom Brady is going to become Pontius Pilate and the Sanhedrin rolled into one come this weekend. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
This Patriot's fan certainly hopes so.
I don't hate Tim Tebow, he's welcome to his beliefs and if the Bronco's beat the Patriots I still won't hate him but if I could please just go an hour without hearing his name that would be awesome! (yes, I also get tired of hearing Tom Brady's name sometimes.)
I've never watched a football match. :/
I can't wait until Tim Tebow has a child of his own, who then dies on the field to sacrifice his life for the opposing team's defensive-line.
Nice post, I've subbed you guys!
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