Johnny Vegas Picks the Conference Championship Games

Hola Gamblers! Johnny Vegas, IWS’ sports handicapping expert here to fire a perfect spiral of advice that hits you right between the numbers for a big score once again! As you may recall, last weekend I lit up the scoreboard by going 2-2 against the spread and 4-0 in picks straight up. Not too shabby!

It’s time for the conference championships which means there’s no more time to fool around. This is it baby! Winners go to the Super Bowl! And, the NFL has served up a couple of pretty tasty treats for us gamblers to nibble at. So let’s get right to it, shall we? As always, the favorite is in all caps.

AFC Championship: Baltimore +7.5 @ NEW ENGLAND:  Well kids, I think we all pretty much new all season long that this is where these two teams were going to end up. And to most this looks like a really tough match up with the potential for an upset. But, that’s why you need an expert like me. I make it my business to know how to see past the forest for the trees. And not just any trees, but the ones the money grows on baby.

After hours and hours of research and crunching the numbers, in my professional opinion, Ravens QB Joe Flacco plays like doggie doo-doo on the road. Now, I know this analysis flies in the face of conventional wisdom which tells us that Flacco is a mentally tough elite QB who can deal with all levels of adversity. But, I’m here to tell ya that just might not be the case.

So, even though 7.5 points seems like a lot, I think you can safely take New England to cover with ease as Tom Brady racks up big numbers throwing to Welker underneath most of the day and then catches the world by surprise by hitting Chad Ochocinco deep a couple of times.

NFC Championship: NY Football Giants +2.5 @ SAN FRANCISCO: And here are the two teams that very few people expected to see playing each other this weekend. Well, except for me, of course. This is why you should listen to me. I was all over these two teams last week, and I’m all over this game this week.  

You can pretty much just toss the line out on this one. It’s basically a pick ‘em game and may officially be by game time. For most people this is a tough game to pick. The Giants are riding the wave right now and appear destined for a Super Bowl XLII rematch with the Patriots and two full weeks of interviews with the entire fucking Manning clan, reminders that Tom Brady is married to Gisele Bundchen and replays of David Tyree’s catch. I can’t wait.

And, here’s something I’ve uncovered in my research. In games that kick off in late afternoons on the West Coast, in shitty stadiums against teams from cities with a large gay population Eli Manning plays a very relaxed style and is great at hooking up with receivers, backs and tight ends. Weird, right? But, the facts are the facts and I think it’s just impossible to overlook how happy Eli seems to be playing in cities in front of a lot of gays. Therefore, take the Giants to blow through the Niners and head on into the Super Bowl as they continue to surge. Hell, if they win a second Super Bowl, someone will probably erect a statue of Eli Manning.

Alright, there you kids. And, as always, if you’re desperate and pathetic enough to take gambling advice from someone on a website named “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve to end up being featured in a local news story about how your gambling addiction cost you your family, house job and car.

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In other news, on Wednesday’s edition of I’m With Stupid podcast Matt-Man and Jayman absolutely DESTROYED the bad internet censorship bills SOPA and PIPA and the government-loving, liberty-hating people who support those bills. I highly recommend you listen as it was a truly great show.

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