Tuesday, November 8, 2011

When the Internet Goes Down, My Rage Rises

Hola Bitches! Jayman here and let me tell ya, I’m not a man who angers easily, but I’m flat-out fucking pissed and Cox Cable is about to meet the business end of The I’m With Stupid Shit List. FEEL THE WRATH MOTHER FUCKERS! We’ve been without cable, phone and internet for almost nine fucking hours now and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.

Jesus! I switched from Windstream DSL to Cox Cable because Windstream had been going down a lot and the Cox “bundle” seemed like a good idea. But, recently Cox has been going down quite frequently. And today it fucking crapped out big time. This is BULLSHIT!

A few little fucking clouds and Cox freaks out like a five year old girl experiencing her first tornado. This is fucking embarrassing. If I worked for Cox Cable I would fucking quit before I died of shame. I can’t believe I missed that HUGE game between Western Michigan and Toledo because of Cox’s shittyness.

Or is it Easter Michigan? I’m so pissed I can’t even remember.

I guess I’ll fucking call Matt-Man when he gets home from the Beer Mine and have him set up Wednesday’s show.  And I doubt it’ll be back up by the time the show starts so he’ll have to do the switchboard and chat room alone while I call in on my cell phone. Unless Cox figures out a way to fuck my cell phone too, that is. And don’t think for a second they won’t if they get the chance, the incompetent fucks.

You know, Cox talked about getting in the cell phone business. Well, fuck that. I wouldn’t get one of their cell phones if it was fucking free. I can just see it now. I’m on my way to visit family and I’m broke down on the side of the road in middle of fucking nowhere Iowa and I grab my cellphone to call for help and WHAT DO YOU KNOW! FUCKING COX IS EXPERIENCING A FUCKING OUTAGE!

And then I’ll look up and there will be fucking zombies walking out of the corn fields as the sun begins to set late in the day. God I fucking hate zombies. Even more than vampires, and I’m sick and fucking tired of fucking vampires.

Of course, they’ll get right on that and get it all fixed just as soon as humanly possible. Which means whenever they fucking feel like it. Customer service? What’s that shit? We’re Cox Cable, we’re not into that.

Oh I know what you’re saying! “Is somebody experiencing some ‘First World’ problems?” Yeah, well FUCK YOU. No, someone is experiencing ‘A FUCKING OUTRAGEOUSLY OVERPRICED SERVICE ISN’T WORKING’ problem. There’s a fucking difference.

Besides, what the fuck would you do in the same situation? Sitting here on a rainy night in fucking Redneckville, Arkansas with no cable, phone or internet? No NCIS. No college football. NO SONS OF MOTHER FUCKING ANARCHY!! No talking to your friends who all live in the gray rectangular box that sits atop your Tablemate II. Nothing to do but sit here and listen to CLASSIC FUCKING RADIO for hours on end. It’s not a pretty fucking picture, is it? No it’s not and you know what else? FUCK THE GOD DAMN BEATLES.

I thought writing this would make me feel better but now I’m more pissed than ever. Fucking Cox Cable. Everyone who works there can eat a bag of dicks. 


Oh and last Saturday we threw a virtual Pizza Part on I’m With Stupid. We talked our favorite pizzas, I told about my days delivering to swingers and drug deals and Matt-Man talked about some of his own pizza creations. Plus we spent a few minutes with Zombie Andy Rooney. The show is getting lots and lots of action, so it must have been a good one. We appreciate all of our listeners.

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Mike said...

'... phone ...'

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The hex I put on your packet switching phone service WORKED!!

Dana said...

I'm getting stuck on your flippant use of the phrase "going down" ... like it's a bad thing ...

I'm With Stupid said...

Eh, what a fucking shame. Cheers Jayman!!


Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

wow 3rd post I've read this morning with the exact same issue. I think I am thankful I do not have cox....tee hee that sounded much worse....I get cocks but I don't have cox. There that's what I meant.

jack mehoff said...

ok first off....excellent rant. second....eat a bag 'o dicks - loved it. and yes fuck the beatles up their stupid asses.

3rd...i have cox, never experienced an outtage on cable, but the net seems a lil sketchy but the puter at home is a dinosaur so i blame it on that.

and yes fuck their fucking outrageously overpriced service.

theres a cox guy that lives right up the street from me, you want me to go slash his tires? would that make ya feel better?

MysteryChick said...

I think the first problem is that you bought an overpriced cable bundle from a company named Cox (I'm just saying, there's certainly a punchline in there somewhere).

Sorry about your cable woes, I don't watch much TV but with two kids in the house having a cable outage would be HELL!

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Oh I was pretty sure you were behind this. Never a doubt really.


I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: I don't know what you mean. ;-)


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Thank you for your concern.


I'm With Stupid said...

Margaret: Yeah, complaining about Cox is probably pretty popular today.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jack: This was kind of rare for the cable to go too, but the internet has been getting worse and worse.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mystery Chick: If you do business with a company named "Cox" you get what you deserve. That's probably true.


Gnetch said...

Shhh... Here, here.


ChiChi81 said...

Lol... I can totally understand your exasperation, I absolutely hate it when my internet connection goes down >.<" It sucks when you're paying premium fees for haphazard customer service. Same goes for my ISP here haha.

And thank you so much for casting a vote for my tumblr post. Awww.. I didn't know you cared :) haha Seriously, thank you, I really appreciate the gesture.


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