Ronald Reagan: Holy Shit!! I'm Dead; Get Over It!!

My fellooooooow Americans…Former President Ronald Reagan here.

I watched the GOP Debate that took place at my library last night, and frankly, I have to say…

Those idiotic, playing to our basest fears, anti-government, the sky is falling ass clowns all suck, and couldn’t find their way around my library if there was a Dewey Decimal System available to them.

Perry, Santorum, Bachmann? Not bright. Less bright. Not even bright enough to realize that her husband is gay.

Romney, Huntsman? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…Like Castor and Pollux they are twin sons of different fathers, and both as Mormons with but only one wife each, they are pussies.

Gingrich, Cain, Ron Paul? Short man syndrome cruising the Greek Isles, a minstrel singing dough thrower, and a guy who is opposed to fire departments. Fire Departments, for Godsakes!!

What the hell happened to my party!?

Oh sure, all these freaks throw my name out there in order to be more Reaganesque than the other, but seriously…they all suck.

Do I like President Obama? No, not as a President. He strikes me as an affable guy, but to me, he downplays America’s greatness. He seems pretty smart, but he’s no Gipper. 

However...

America needs a leader who knows that spending cuts AND tax revenues will cure the obesity of the debt and deficit. Hell, during my term, even Tip O’Neill and I could figure that shit out.

I guess two lapsed Irish-Catholics had a helluva lot more sense than a gaggle of evangelical bastards and a batsardess. 

Tax rates under me were higher than they are now. It’s nice to be known as the Great Communicator but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I taxed the hell out of you people, and you loved me. WTF?

So these dumb ass political “conservative” dwarves who say that spending cuts alone will cure America’s economic problems, will end up saying what I did in King’s Row in 1941:

“Where’s the rest of me!?”

God, they are stupid…and? They’re lightweights. In a word, they suck.

They keep invoking my name in order to get votes; doesn’t that tell you something? It means that they can’t get votes on their own.

You know why? “Cause They’re all Fucking Stupid!!”

Oy…

Y’know…I would just like to be dead. I died a few years ago, and didn’t even know I did, so now? I’d like to just sit here and enjoy it.

Please you GOP candidates, leave my name out of it. I’m not running for President. I served my time. I served my two terms.

If you loved me, the Constitution, and America herself, you would come up with your own, new ideas, and take her to greater heights as President.

I enjoyed a tax funded build up of the military…I once said that Social Security must endure…I believed in a well run Federal government.

When I said that government isn’t the solution; it’s the problem. I was talking about how it was run, not that government should cease to exist.

And, if you clowns think that government serves no purpose, why are you running for President?

Desperately trying to rest in peace,