Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Justin Bieber...I Want to be a Young Dad...Or Something

Peace In, IWS fans. Justin Bieber here to tell you what I told Women’s Wear Daily the other day:

By 25 or 26, I want to see myself, like, married or start looking for a family…I want to be a young dad.

Yeah that’s right. I know. You’re probably thinking…

“Justin Bieber!? A seventeen year old international superstar wants to chuck it all in just a few years and start a family?”

Listen up, listen up, listen uuuuuuup…Yeah, I do, and let me tell you. Even for somebody as famous and adored as me, it’s not going to be easy.

First of all, I’ll have to find someone who at 25 or so is also ready to settle down. Who wants to settle down and marry at age 25? It’s not like we’re living in the 80’s anymore.

Some have speculated that perhaps Selena Gomez and I will still be together and ready to start a family. C’mon peeps, let’s all publicly acknowledge the 800 pound gorilla named Brice that sits in my dressing room.

Sel-Go may be hot and all that, but she lacks that one important thing the Biebster truly needs in a life partner…Gorilla Meat…and The Biebster is aching for some Shaka Zulu Jungle Love.

What? You’re shocked? Jesus Christ…I’m GAY, folks. I am as queer as a firm, thick, North Pole winter’s night is lonnnng.

Look at me for Godssakes…


I look just like MSNBC talking head lesbian Rachel Maddow…

Only prettier.

Why do you think I told Women’s Wear Daily that by the time I am 25 that I want to start LOOKING for a family? I can’t physically have my own kids; I’ll have to shop around and buy them.

Hell, even if I could physically have kids, I wouldn’t, because the Biebster ain’t having no stretch marks on this boy toy body.

I know…I know…The Biebster has been hanging out with manly mac daddies like Usher and the such, how the hell could I be gay? It’s who I am, and after all, I am Canadian, so…well…you know.

So, what have we learned? I’m gay. I want to settle down by the time I’m 25, and I want to be a young mom dad mom. That’s my dream.

Please don’t shatter or ridicule The Biebster’s dream.

I mean sure, being an international sensation is great, but it can’t compare to the high I’ll get when I trade recipes and engage in catty talk with other soccer moms, as I watch my perfect kids score a goal or two.

The roar of an appreciative crowd is a great sound, but to me, the greatest sound of all will be to hear the pitter patter of little feet running around as my man looks at me and says, “C’mere, my little pet goat.”

Mmmmmmmmm. Me likey.

Peace Out,

The Future Justina Bieber

8 comments:

Beth said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa! Me likey. Haaaaaaaaaaa!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Ha...It just felt right. Cheers Hot Stuff.

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Well, if Biebs wants to play the role of the female in a relationship, he could just marry Rachel Maddow.

- Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: You are a fucking genius. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

Not only does the UD have 'me likey' (2.5 millions google hits), but it also has 'Bieber'.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I like to keep up with the times. Stay on the cutting edge, y'know. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Biebers gives me the creeps - not because he "may" be gay but because he's creepy.
Everything he says and does (date) is manufactured. It's 2011, come out of the closet...the young and old still like Manilow and Aiken and they're as gay as well...Richard Simmons.and as creepy.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: I agree with everything you wrote. If only people could be themselves. Cheers!!

Matt-Man