Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Donald Trump 2012: A Full Table and an Empty Suit

I have been a bit miffed of late.

Donald Trump has had dinner with Sarah Palin, Rick Perry, and now plans to have eats with Mitt Romney next Monday. I started thinking to myself…

Sure, the people with whom he has broken bread want to be President, but doggone it, so do I…Why shouldn’t he sit down and throw some groceries back with me, so…

I called The Donald and told him just that, and to my surprise, he said to me…

“Let’s eat, Matt-Man…and because I’m The Donald, it’s on me.”

I asked him where he wanted to hook up and he replied that since I was renown for being a lover of the burger, and he is kinda like royalty, we’d meet at White Castle.

In fact he said, “The King can delight in watching his serf feast upon the golden sliders he has bought for him.”

Whatever, and anyhoo…

The Donald and I met over sliders last night, and frankly, the guy is a real jerk, but I had questions.

I of course asked him why, when he met with Palin, he ate pizza with a fork, and he responded…

“Have you seen the hairy, oily dagos who make that shit? Getting a rogue, hairy anchovy on my slice would be bad enough, but I don’t want listeria or Neapolitan Measles from it because wunderkind, Giuseppe coughed on it. The fork is my radar.”

Ah I said, and then asked him what he thinks of Rick Perry…

“Jim’s a great guy.”, he responded. “Jim Perry could lead this nation back down a road to greatness, as soon as he realizes that roads need a government to build them…and maintain them…and plow the snow off of them.”

I said to Trump, “I noticed you called him Jim instead of Rick again…Is there a reason for that?”

The Donald, swayed the fork with which he was eating his sliders and onion rings back and forth, and responded…

“Rick…Jim…Mitt…Sarah…It makes me no never mind…I don’t give a shit about those fucks. I’m all about The Donald, and branding. If I have to buy them an expensive dinner to stay topical, so be it. It may cost me in the short term, but hell, it’s not like I can’t go bankrupt again. FOX and NBC will still pay me”

And with that, I recognized the genius behind the fucked up hair, the braggadocio, the frightened little pseudo-genius, and attention seeking man-whore he is, but seriously…

He shouldn’t talk with a mouthful of sliders, onion rings, and the ice cream scoop of mashed potatoes that he pulled from the pocket of his Versace suit.

It was disgusting.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

11 comments:

Mike said...

I was wondering why he didn't invite Michelle. Then I saw the picture of him sucking on the pickle. Maybe the corn dog picture turned him off.

Beth said...

God what a douche! You're lucky you escaped without his hair attacking you;)

I'm With Stupid said...

I bet he ate his onion rings by cutting them with a knife and fork, then picking up a small bite on the fork, dipping it in ketchup first. What an elitist douche bag.

- Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: When it comes to Michelle, I think the Donald would rather eat her, not eat WITH her. Cheers!!

Beth: Y'know? I have better hair than Trump, and I don't even have any. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Of course he did, the pretentious prick. And it seems, that douche and/or douche bag is a trendy name for him today. One last thing...What are you doing up so early? Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I would have made him take you to Five Guys and then shoved those peanuts into his suit pockets.

I'm With Stupid said...

Vin: Wouldn't have been able to...Trump was shoving sliders into his pockets as we were leaving. He's a freakin' slob. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Dianne said...

did you ask him about how he has the hots for his own daughter
until she becomes older than his next wife of course

I'm With Stupid said...

Di: Ha...So he likes to keep it all in the family...is that so wronnnng? Hope you are well hot stuff. Cheers Sexy!!

Matt-Man

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I'm scared this sounded so much like The Douche, I mean The Donald Matt Man.
I think you do that too well.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: Ha. Why thank you, Peg. I'll take that as a compliment. Cheers!!

Matt-Man