Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A Presidential Fantasy Draft

We all know it’s fantasy football season and everyone is getting ready for the draft.  So, I thought I would do my own draft. Only, I’m not going to draft football players. I’m going to draft Presidents. Not a list President from best to worst or anything, but actually draft Presidents for a fantasy football team. I’ll pick the best president for each position.  Okay, so here goes…

QB: Abraham Lincoln: Who else? Abe is a great decision maker who never wilted under pressure. He’s a quick thinker on is feet and isn’t afraid to take chances.  His height is a great advantage in that he can throw over the D-Line and not need the traditional passing lanes.  And, Abe’s quiet confidence and superior leadership skills are exactly what your team needs.

RB: George W. Bush: Great size, quickness and a commitment to staying in great physical condition are what makes W a great running back. His single-minded, purpose driven personality allows him to focus on the task at hand and he rarely fumbles. 

RB: Warren G. Harding: Harding’s game is speed. He runs away from trouble and is very elusive. The defense will often think they have him wrapped up, and he’ll get loose somehow and make a big play. Be sure to check the inactive list as Harding is prone to get into trouble and has been known to run with the wrong crowd. Be prepared to have to sit him on any given week. 

WR: Martin Van Buren:  MVB is a great athlete and runs great routes. He’s flashy and exciting, but also a hard worker with lots of experience who isn’t afraid to mix it up.  He’s definitely a possession receiver who can make spectacular catches in traffic.  He’ll definitely be your number one target in the red zone. 

WR: Barack Obama: Obama is tall and sleek and is deceptively fast.  The defender thinks he’s right there with him and suddenly looks up and realizes Obama has sped on past him. He’s a game breaker who has the potential to light up the scoreboard and haul in some long passes and rack up big fantasy numbers. But, he’s also known to avoid contact and sometimes defenses can throw him off his routes and push him around a bit. 

WR/RB Flex: Bill Clinton: Without a doubt the most versatile of all the presidents. He can move quickly and effectively in any direction. Full of confidence and not afraid to take on defenses he’s the perfect power back. But, Clinton is also slick and much like Hardin is a great escape artist. Clinton is driven to succeed and will never stop going full speed. And dude knows how to score early and often. 

Tight End: Teddy Roosevelt: TR can do it all. He can run, catch and block. A natural leader, he is charismatic and his teammates love him.  He’s also tenacious and will fight to the end with every fiber of his being. He’s been known to be a bit on the cocky side, but he has the numbers to back it up. Teddy can talk the talk and walk the walk. 

Place Kicker: Andrew Jackson: While Jackson is known for his fiery temper and less than impressive social skills, he can split the uprights with the best of ‘em.  His temper helped his kicking career as he has been kicking things since he was a kid.  Mostly people, but as he got older and more mature, he learned to channel this kicking desire to football and is now as good as you’ll find. 

Defense/Special Teams: Ronald Reagan: Again, a no-brainer. Nobody has ever loved defense more than Ronnie. He’s brash, bold and not afraid to blitz on any down. He’ll knock down the offense’s walls and he’ll force turnovers and get after the other team’s QB like no one else. He’s underestimated because of his age, but he’s got the experience and game to turn that to his biggest advantage. Also, when he gets the chance, he’ll run the score up on ya.

Okay, there you have it. I’m pretty sure my team is gonna dominate.


Mike said...

'George W. Bush: ... and he rarely fumbles.'

Except when he talks.

I'm With Stupid said...

An exceptionally talented team you have constructed Jayman and with the overwhelming whiteness and educational pedigree, they have a great chance of winning the Fantasy Football Ivy League Championship!!



A Beer for the Shower said...

I'd enjoy this even more if you promised it was a zombie league. We'd have to snuff the RB so's he could qualify for the league...but, I'm sure there would be plenty of volunteers.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Luckily he doesn't have to talk to play football.

Matt-Man: Yeah, the team did end up being pretty white. Weird, huh?

Beer: A zombie team would be pretty cool. And, the headgear would cover their only vulnerable spot. In fact, now that you mention it, thank GOD the zombies have never realized that they could wear racing helmets and be completely immortal.

- Jay

Knight said...

Amazingly well done. You are the drafting king.

Jay said...

Knight: Why thank you. Would you like to be my drafting Queen? ;-)

Beth said...

Matt-Man wants me to get into this football thing, but it just sounds tedious and time consuming. No offense.