Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mattfucius: Modern Day Manchurian

Jayman and I have fun on the IWS website and radio show. We enjoy entertaining the masses, however, we are also quite deep and thoughtful individuals.

In fact, as a student of religiosity and philosophy, sometimes my fun-filled, devil-may-care outlook on life comes in direct conflict with my pious, austere, and spiritual inner-self.

Typically, my outer self, full of sarcasm, champagne laughter, and that of a bon vivant shines through and illuminates the tubes of the internets, but my friends…

I sometimes, am taken over by a force of ancient thought, venerable wisdom, and Oriental enlightenment, that when it washes over me, comes out in the form of:

Mattfucius: Modern Day Manchurian

And today, I impart some of my pearls of epiphany upon you. Ah-Ho.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he turns into a non-stop excuse machine and teller of tales.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one’s wife packing way too many bags.

The cautious seldom err, but they will never delight in the sexual skills of the hot chick at the bar with herpes.

When anger arises, think of the consequences, and then…sucker punch the stupid bastard.

Clothing those who are naked is admirable, but please, no powder blue leisure suits.

If you ever go into the business of quote making, make sure you copyright everything, no matter how insignificant you may think your words may be.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but by the skill and élan in which we blame it on others.

And lastly for today…

Rene Descartes was a pretentious, Gallic, douche bag full of his own self-worth and run-on sentences.

Until the next time, this is Mattfucius saying…

Gan Bei!!!/MattManIWS


Jay said...

Mattfucius is deep. So deep that I can barely comprehend some of the things he's saying. But, I will try to adhere to his wisdom. Except giving up my powder blue leisure suits. The chicks dig those.

Beth said...

Most awesome my "friend".

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: He is indeed and sometimes, when I read what he has channeled through me, I say What the Fuck?

Beth: It's a gift. And remember, the basis of a lasting friendship is hot sex and good pizza.



Jay said...

Oh sure. Schmoop will comment here on YOUR posts, but where is she when I post? Nowhere to be found. The emotional abuse she puts me through is just about more than I can handle. I'm a beaten man.

Beth said...

Jay, honey I get beaten if don't comment on his posts. He's got a hickory switch and everything.

Mike said...

@Beth - Take video next time.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Ha..Good One.