Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Creepy Kid Next Door: What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Hi IWS readers and listeners, Creepy Kid Next Door here with another installment of my awesomeness.

School starts up again for me in a couple of weeks, so I thought I’d tell you what I’ve been up to during my summer vacation.

The first thing I did, because it’s been so dry and hot here, was to get a magnifying glass, corral some ants, and burn the hell out of them.

It was fun for awhile, but man…THE SMELL!!

You know what it smelled like?

YOUR FACE!!

Guess what else I did, while you were all going to work and chatting on the internet? I made friends with some neighborhood cats.

I never realized how shiny their coats got after applying kerosene to them. Man, they shine…and on the 4th of July, the cats were screaming “Independence!!” Meowwwwwww.

You know who else was screaming, “Independence!!” on the 4th?

YOUR FACE!!

After all of my animalistic fun with ants and cats, I did some dumpster diving just to see what was up. You know what I found?

I found that after three days in a dumpster under a hot sun, a half bag of Smoked Bacon potato chips tastes just like Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips. Not bad, not bad…

You know what else tastes like Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips?

YOUR FACE !!

I also spent time at our Mall which contains a Sears, a Penny’s, and 12 T-Shirt shops, lookin’ for some teenage Halle Berry looking bootyliciousness.

All I saw was a 55 year old Lady Gaga wannabe swaying her cellulite from window to window, and my buddy Oliver picking his nose and wiping his boogers on the counter at Aunt Annie’s Pretzel Place. Can you say, “Loser?”

You know who else is a loser?

YOUR FACE!!

Anyway, this is the Creepy Kid Next Door saying…

Don’t Hate ‘Cause You Ain’t!!

6 comments:

Jay said...

If wasn't so allergic to cats, I would be upset by your 4th of July activities. But, I actually think that sounds like fun.

Beth said...

OMG, he's so funny! You should be proud;)

Desert Rat said...

Hey, CKND, does *YOUR* face hurt, 'cause it's killin' me!

Excellent prose. I'ma go pick a zit or two right now. That's how inspired I am. (Note to self: leave Lady Gaga outfit at home next time I go to the mall.)

IWS Radio said...

Jay: You should join me next time. They make the funniest sound.

Beth: You know what else should be proud? Your Face!!

Desert Rat: My face is sexy, so don't even go there, but pick a zit for me while you're at it.

Creepy Kid

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Whose face?

IWS Radio said...

Vinny: Youzzes!!

CKND