Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My Porn Comedy Dream ...


One of the things that might come as a surprise to you is that I’m not a fan of porn.  It bores me.  I don’t find it exciting or anything.  I also actually think it does do more damage to society than most of its proponents are willing to admit.  Porn and MTV are probably the two worst things ever to happen to society. 

But, having said that, it has always been a dream of mine to write, direct and produce a pornographic movie.  Not star in one though. Nobody would watch that.  I have a few people in mind who I think would be great in one though! 

My idea for a great porn movie would be a smart comedy that just happens to be a porno.  It would have the standard girl/girl, girl/guy, guy/guy, blow job, masturbation and orgy scenes that all pornos are required to have. But, it would also be a funny movie with snappy dialog.  I think Gilmore Girls would have made a great porn comedy. 

What’s that? Oh, you’re kind of hung up on that “guy/guy” part. Okay, we’ll take that out if it makes you uncomfortable.  Hee hee … I said “hung.”  But, I do think the comedy idea is a very good one.  Maybe for my first movie I should just go with one girl/girl scene and one girl/guy scene. Put more of the focus on the dialog and superior direction and lighting compared to other porno movies.  Then, after some commercial success, I’ll expend into other genres. 

Anyhoodle, I decided that I need to make a list of the items I’ll need to make this first movie.

- A laptop to write and edit the movie on
- A camera to shoot with.
- Actors and actresses.
- Fruit roll ups and Red Bull for snack time.
- Lube. Lots and lots of lube.
- A room at Motel 6
- A can of Raid
- A Plastic Jesus
- Rubber sheets
- Baby oil
- A dog. What? Dogs are hilarious and always steal every scene they’re in.
- Condoms
- Enzyte. The natural male enhancement.
- Multiple lights and lamps
- A lawyer
- Candles
- Lots of towels and some soap.
- A Fluffer
- Toys
- Music
- A backup camera and extra tripod
- Kleenex and paper towels.

Okay, that’s all I can come up with for now. But, I think I can gather most of those items right here around the luxury estates in Redneckville. We don’t have a Motel 6, but we do have a Super 8 that is stuck in the 70’s.  If nothing else, I can use the Motel 6 up in Springfield. It’s a real dump, so it should be cheap. I think I’ll see if anyone who is part of the local community theater group would like to be in the movie. I think professional porn stars would be too difficult to deal with. And, I want to avoid dealing with a union.

I think I’m off to a pretty good start here. The most difficult thing will be to come up with a good title for the movie. Just like blog posts. 

9 comments:

IWS Radio said...

Excellent idea Jayman...I have a plastic Jesus and I'd loooove to be the fluffer, or in this case, the humidifier for the lesbians. See? You are well on your way!! Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

Ok. I'm in.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Title? Well, I think you were pretty close to a title...

it should be the Cummore Girls

Jay said...

Matt: Not only are we revolutionizing online radio, but we are going to change the porn business for the better too!

Beth: Yeah baby! Way to be there for the team!

Vinny: That will be the name of the all girl movie in the future. ha

Knight said...

It took me a minute to realize the Raid was because you would be at Motel 6 and not just some creepy fetish of yours..... right?

Mike said...

I think a good name for your movie would be 'J'. I would be about a guy try to get his bent penis straightened out.

http://www.sizegenetics.com/curvature-straightening

Mike said...

'It would be..' Freudian slip there.

Jay said...

Knight: Ha! Yeah, the Raid is because Motel 6's are nasty. I'm not a freak or anything. ha!

Mike: Mine's not long enough to be bent.

Desert Rat said...

Why am I not surprised that Mike has a link to something informative?

Add mouthwash and bottled water to your list.