Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Crackerville In Da House!


Howdy Ho folks!  Crackerville here. Some of you may know me by Wacky Cracky, or the Crackinator, or Sexy Cracky or my favorite, Crackerlicious. As you should recall, I was the featured guest on I’m With Stupid: The Sandwich Show episode.  That was the day I set the internets on fire and Matt-Man and Jayman made me famous! 

So, when Jayman suggested over on Twitter that maybe I could do a guest post for the IWS blog, I responded “I’m at your service!” Cause that’s just the sweet and thoughtful kind of girl I am. In fact, if you ever look at my Tumblr (WARNING: SOOOOO NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!) you’ll see that I’m a very giving girl. Besides, I was one of the first I’m With Stupid Girls. So, I’ll do damn near anything for my boys.

Anyhoodle, I thought for my sure to be award-winning post here, I would go with a little stream of consciousness blogging.  Let’s do this!  

I love the internet. I’ve met so many amazing and interesting people here. If you read my Tumblr blog you’ll know what one of them is “Sir.” He’s really taught me to think outside the box. And put things inside MY box! As Matt-Man would say “Hey-OOOOO!” 

Don’t look at my Tumblr if you’re super sensitive or easily offended. There aren’t too many people like that on the internet, except for a few mouthy bitches on Twitter who are obsessed with me. In general, I guess people with a stick up their butt shouldn’t be following me. 

Branson, MO likes to call itself the “Entertainment Capital of America” but only because I’m here. I’m entertaining as hell baby! 

I love the NFL. I especially love Peyton Manning. He better sign a new deal with the Colts and gets his hot ass out there playing. Man, that guy could send a play right through my five-hole anytime. Or drill one into my tight end. Or penetrate my defense. Or tell me to go DEEEEEEEEP! Or flicker my flea. Or run a power dive into my box. OR run a QB sneak up my middle. If you get my drift, and I think that you do.  Eli can watch cause he’s kinda nice too. 

I love summer cause I love to swim during the day and then grill out at night. And while we’re grilling I like to kick back and drink some Keystone Ice.  I like Keystone cause it’s smooth like Keith Stone. Oh, and I might do a few shots of tequila every once in a while too. That’s when things really get wild! Woo-Hoo! 

I quit smoking four months ago. Damn that was hard. I had to find a new hobby and deal with my oral fixation. Thank goodness I found Tubmlr and “Sir.”  Of course, that candle wax burned like a motherfucker though. Maybe I shouldn’t have used cheapo candles form Walmart? But, that’s the cost of being an entertainer. You have to sacrifice for your craft. Amirite? 

Boy, I sure could go for a roast beef sandwich right about now. No, not a RUSTY sandwich Matt-Man! I know what you were thinking. 

Okay kids! That’s really all I’ve got for now. Maybe I’ll be back around someday in the future. But, even if I don’t, I know you’ll remember me forever. That’s what happens when you get Crackerfied! 

And always remember kids. Crackerville loves you. <3 

6 comments:

IWS Radio said...

And some people think that Jayman and I and our readers are not high brow dispensers of truth, social commentary, and societal mores. I think Crackerlicious has just settled that line of thinking once and for all. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Jay said...

An absolutely EPIC masterpiece! Well done babe!

And welcome everyone to the Crackernation!!

- Jay

Mike said...

I was going to comment but I got sidetracked on a tumblr site. I'll be back later.

Beth said...

You go girl! Nicely done;)

Knight said...

Whoa, what just happened? That was an intense experience.

IWS Radio said...

Mike: Once you go to her Tumblr, we'll never see you again.

Beth: Way to be supportive of other women. Most women aren't that way. ha ;-)

Knight: We here at IWS are committed to bringing YOU the most intense experiences possible.

-Jay