MSJS...I Got Your Expert Right HERE!!

Matt pontificates…Jay orates…You ask yourself, “Do they know what the hell they are talking about?”

Matt:  Jay?  Jay?  Jay?
(minutes pass)

Jay:  Hola.  GOD DAMN GOOGLE PHONE!!
Matt:  Hiya Chuckles.  Ow…oh the echo, echo echo echo.
Jay:  What the fuck?
Matt:  I don’t know what it is…what it is…what it is.
Jay:  There, I muted the host line.
Matt:  Better?
Jay:  Yes, much.

Matt:  Google phone screwed up again eh?
Jay:  I may have spoken prematurely…It was BTR’s fault.
Matt:  Fucking “Expert” Internet Radio Platform!!
Jay:  Oh yeah, they know everything about internet radio.
Matt:  Slackers.

Jay:  Y’know Matt…There are a lot of  self-proclaimed “experts” on Facebook, Twitter, TV, radio, etc.
Matt:  Oh Dear God…More than a handful…more like…A BILLION!!
Jay:  It’s annoying, depressing, but most of all…
Matt:  Funnier than shit!!
Jay:  Ha.  I know right?  Let’s make fun of, er, I mean celebrate, the “experts” this week,
Matt:  Excellent call.  We could start with Facebook advice givers who care about everybody.
Jay:  Oh dear God…What they’re really doing most of the time is chiding others.
Matt:  Who else?

Jay:  Dr. Oz…Dr. Phil…Soccer “experts” who come out of the closet every four years for the World Cup.
Matt:  Foreign relations/military experts who have never been a diplomat nor in the military.
Jay:  The next door neighbor who knows what Kenyans look like…and knows they look a lot like Obama.
Matt:  So many phony experts to berate  like Jenny McCarthy, and so little time.

Jay:  We’ll show them expertise alright.
Matt:  Damn right, and Jayman…We can talk about the Great Velveeta Recall of 2014.
Jay:  You and Schmoop must be beside yourselves.
Matt:  M’eh…we’ll talk about it.
Jay:  Oh and Matt-Man…The Fashion Center Mall in Redneckville is dead. We could buy it and make it our new headquarters!!
Matt:  We should DEFINITELY talk about that.

Jay:  Man…That’s a lot of quality entertainment at a fair price to cover.
Matt:  It sure as hell is.
Jay:  Oh and I almost forgot.  Bobby Kraft will be interviewing Ben Franklin LIVE on Sunday’s show.
Matt:  Get outta here!!
Jay:  It’s true!!
Matt:  Jesus Christ…How do we manage to provide this much entertainment week in and week out?
Jay:  I’ll tell you how.
Matt:  How?

Jay:  Well…Four out of five internet experts agree…IWS Radio is the funniest God Damn show on BTR.
Matt:  And who can argue with that?
Jay:  Well…WE will…this Sunday during the, Internet Experts and Know It Alls episode of IWS Radio.

Matt:  Can’t wait Jayman.
Jay:  Me neither.  Now…Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!

To catch IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, click HERE.

Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You

Cheeeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

Do you realize what day it is?  It’s exactly three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, and I always observe December 3rd as my…

What Do I Want for Christmas Day!!

Why do I observe such a day three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, you ask?

Well…

Three weeks may be plenty for a normal person to decide what they want for Christmas, but as I am one who procrastinates, that extra day provides me with a much needed buffer between Christmas joy and being left with an empty feeling when I receive nothing but leftover love from my son on Christmas, as Jay and I discussed on Sunday’s, IWS Radio broadcast.

Anyhoo…

If I really were to want something for Christmas, I would want a Grade A microphone/headset combination.  I mean, the one I have is okay, but it sounds “tinny” no matter what adjustments I make to it.  I have a whiny voice to begin with and the tinny sounding microphone doesn't help to improve my voice nor my rep.

New speakers for my computer would be nice as well.  The speakers that I currently have, are getting a little tired.  I think that perhaps, too many Stubby Stonehenge replays through their tiny tweeters and woofers have distorted their sound.  Yeah, new speakers would be nice.

There’s one last thing I would like…okay two actually.

A block of Velveeta “cheese”, and a Cassano’s pizza or sub.

I know…boring, right?

Perhaps to some of the younger hipsters, but I have discovered something as I type this two months shy of my 49th birthday.  As I get older, Christmas means something much different than it did when I was a kid or even ten years ago.

I’m not talking about having a liturgical type of religious experience or anything, but Christmas has become, in a way, a time of year and day, that as my age rears its ugly head, a time that I also recognize all of the old friendships that grace my life.

The first time that Christmas made me feel old was about ten years ago.  My mom called me and asked what I would like for Christmas.  I didn't ask for a cool and hip toy, game, or latest what have ya like I did when I was a kid.  Noooooooo…I said to Mom…

“I could really use some new socks, or maybe a new white dress shirt, or a tie.”

IKR?  That’s pretty sexy.  Nearly as sexy as wanting a block of Velveeta or a Cassano’s pizza, but here’s the thing.

As I get older, if someone asks me what I would like for Christmas, it is always something I need, because as for me, the excitement of Christmas has become not the gift, but the rekindling and reconnecting with people that I like and I love.

My favorite part of Christmas is going to my brother’s house on Christmas Eve and partying with my family, all the while exchanging gift cards that we would probably buy ourselves for ourselves, and then…

Spending Christmas Day with Schmoop as we play music, eat way too much, drink way too much, and laugh way too much (if that’s possible) all damn day.

I don’t believe that Christmas as observed is the actual day of the birth of Jesus, and I do believe that if Christ were alive today, he would be appalled by its celebration, but I do think one thing.

Be it a hoax, a religious event, a secularist party, or just another day on the calendar, Christmas is an excellent time and/or excuse to reconnect with, and drunk dial those you love.

And if that’s all Christmas truly is, I like that…a lot.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_IWS
My Facebook Page