Super Bowl 47 Extravaganza

Hola y’all! It’s Superbowl weekend again and since the pregame show has probably already begun on CBS, It thought I would help everyone enjoy the big day. First let’s settle the big debate though: No, Monday after the Super Bowl should NOT be a national holiday. The game should be played on Saturday to allow everyone the chance to recover. Plus, if you kick it off at 6 pm eastern, people all over the world could watch the game because it would be played either late Saturday night or early on Sunday morning. See? Problem solved. The solution is so obvious and fan-friendly that only a complete fucking moron couldn’t figure out. Like, say, Roger Goodell.

Anyway, here are some ideas to help you enjoy Super Bowl Sunday …

Take one drink every time …

1. Someone mentions that the Harbaugh brothers have always been “really competitive with each other.”
2. They mention that replacing Alex Smith as the starting QB was a really controversial decision by Jim Harbaugh.
3. They use the word “redemption” while talking about Ray Lewis.
4. They mention how unpopular Roger Goodell is and/or “Bounty Gate.”
5. They show either of the Harbaugh’s parents.
6. They show Archie Manning sitting alone looking sad.
7. You hear a player (probably Colin Kaepernick) cuss on the field
8. Phil Simms gets the rules wrong.
9. Phil Simms calls Jim Nantz “Jeem”
10. Phil Simms tries to explain the offense Niners run and gets it wrong.
11. A player thanks Jesus and acts as if he really thinks Jesus gives a shit who wins a football game.
12. They show an ad for erectile dysfunction
13. You see Peyton Manning in a commercial
14. You see Aaron Rodgers in a commercial.
15. The announcers refer to a white player as "a great competitor" and/or "hard worker" then refer to black players as "great athletes."

Chug an entire beer if …

1. Beyonce is lip-syncing.
2. Beyonce has a wardrobe malfunction.
3. Alicia Keys lip-syncs the Anthem.
4. Alicia Keys has a wardrobe malfunction.

Best snack food options for the Super Bowl are nachos, pizza, meatball sandwiches, nachos, cheese and crackers w/ summer sausage, brats, pigs in blankets, jalapeno poppers, chili and maybe mini cheeseburgers.  But, don't get too fancy and don't go with anything that can't be handled by someone who has been drinking all day.

During every Big Bang Theory promo, or if any of the stars of the shows are in the stands, put on safety glasses and rubber gloves and create a new alcoholic concoction.

During every NCIS promo women should argue over who is hotter, Gibbs or DiNozzo and the men should argue over Kate or Ziva.  Then, everyone shoot a terrorist three times in the chest and throw back a shot of tequila.

If there are any chicks there that have a great badonkadonk like, say Maria Menounos, and they happen to bend over, yell BUTT FUMBLE! Then dive face first into her butt while fumbling a chicken wing.

If you just hate America football and want to ignore the Super Bowl then I have these two music recommendations for you:

Anything by The Cars who were headed up by Baltimore native Rick Ocasik

Or

The Grateful Dead headed up by San Francisco native Jerry Garcia

Maybe you’d rather watch some old TV series? Okay then, I have you covered …

The Wire (the greatest TV series EVER) set in Baltimore …

Or

The Streets of San Francisco

Okay, I guess that covers it. Well, except my prediction:

San Francisco 33
Baltimore        24

Enjoy the game everybody. Or don’t, what do I care?

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 


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HBO Go Dominates My Life

Hola People of the Internet! I’ll make this quick cause I’ve got important stuff to do. No, not anything productive or anything like that. I’ve got to watch shit on HBO GO. That’s it. Just watch movies, original programing or comedy shows or whatever.

Wonder what I’ve done this weekend? I’ve sat around and watched The Wire. That’s freaking it. Oh and I took some time to do some show prep and then we had another awesome episode of I’m With Stupid on Saturday. And then right after that I watched Arkansas deliver a beat down to Auburn. But, after that? Just sitting here watching The Wire.

Seriously people. All Sunday I just sat here, drank Pepsi, ate Always Save Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips and watched The Wire. I didn’t even bother with any NFL action. Hell, last I checked my fantasy team was losing 46-36 to Sunshine State Shirley’s team. How did it turn out? Fuck if I know.

Are they still Occupying Wall Street? Still got wars going in Iraq and Afghanistan? Bunch of guys and one gal still running for the GOP nomination? I wouldn’t know. I don’t have time for that unimportant shit anymore.

I want to watch an action movie? I’ll just go to HBO Go and watch The A-Team. Or maybe the whole damn Beverly Hills Cop Trilogy. Can’t beat that!

Looking for something a little more gory? Machete baby!

Maybe I wanna watch bubbly and sweet Katie Morgan run around nekkid. She’s available 24/7.

Mobsters? Every single episode of The Sopranos is on there.

Maybe I want to laugh. How ‘bout Lewis Black? Bill Maher? Dave Attel?

It goes on and on and on people. The internet is already like crack and now HBO GO is like super-duper mojo-dula crack. I start doing something else and it only takes a couple of minutes until I’m thinking that I need to check in on McNulty and everyone. Or maybe watch some comedy shows. Or nekkid chicks. I just can’t freaking take it.

And when the streaming messes up and the video isn’t perfect High Definition? Oh man! It’s a shit-storm of #FirstWorldProblems. When that happens, I’m sitting here yelling at the computer. “GAWDDAMMIT! This is bullshit! I’m being deprived of my Sunday afternoon entertainment! Fix this shit!”

Then, at approximately 7:24 pm CDT on Sunday night disaster struck.  HBO GO’s website went down. What the hell am I supposed to do now? This is a disaster. I don’t think I can handle it. I’m shaking and can’t stop crying.

Okay, it’s back. Whew! That was a terrifying seven minutes. But now the “Press Escape to Exit Full Screen Mode” thing won’t go away. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! You’re killing me guys. You know what? That’s it. I’m not gonna put up with this. I’m heading to the Google Machine to find a number for HBO and then it’ll be time to chew some ass.

*UPDATE* Turns out it was all Cox Cable’s fault. Well, so much for that. It doesn’t do any good to talk to them. They don’t care. *sigh*

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In other news, Saturday’s “Jews, Booze and a Caribbean Cruise” episode of I’m With Stupid was just what you’ve come to expect from us. It was irreverent, unpredictable, fast moving and down right, uh, different. You just don’t get this kind of fun jocularity anywhere else people.

We talked Yom Kippur. And don’t think we’re not experts on that, cause we are. We hit all the highlights of the Highest of all High Holy Days. Then, we dished out some amazing, little known trivia about Columbus and how he discovered Rihanna.  In between we shared some fascinating stories about Turkey Trot Festivals and celebrating Yom Kippur with Mel Gibson. Finally, Mrs. Mike called and we just hung out with her and chilled.

All of together? Radio gold my friends, radio gold. So, check it out and tell all your friends and enemies all about the show. Hell, you can even Stumble, Digg, Reddit, Facebook or Tweet the show. Among other things.

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