Babe of the Week: Nerd Babes

In honor of our very scientific week of meteors and asteroids and all that stuff, we here at IWS have decided that we will celebrate Nerd Babes as our Babe(s) of the Week!

Danica McKellar: Graduate of UCLA with a degree in Mathematics...

Natalie Portman: Harvard graduate with a degree in Psychology...

Felicia Day: A child prodigy violinist who turned down Julliard to attend the University of Texas and has degrees in both Mathematics and Music Performance...

Aisha Tyler: Environmental Policy degree from Dartmouth...

Mira Sorvino: Graduated with a degree in Chinese from Harvard...

Congrats to all the hot nerds who were awarded this week's Babe(s) of the Week! And, speaking of hot nerds, you should totally check out this week's I'm With Stupid. It was Open Line Saturday and Kentucky's Own Justin called in. We talked about what a wacky week it's been and covered The Pope, the Carnival Cruise that ended in disaster (and by "disaster" we mean Alabama) Chris Dorner and Justin's belief that The Pope would NEVER do anything illegal or immoral and his love of Drones! So, give it a listen!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Breaking News: Matt & Jay Excommunicated

This is an IWS World Media Special Report: Matt-Man and Jayman Excommunicated from the Catholic Church. We received this from our special correspondent, Matt-Man’s brother Denny, who is said to be “tight” with the Pope…

VATICAN CITY – In one of his last decrees before stepping down, Pope Benedict XVI today announced that he has excommunicated “I’m With Stupid’’ blog creators Matt Man and Jayman.

“These evil souls will rot in the eternal fires of hell for their continued blaspheme not only of the one and only true Catholic God out there, but also against the one true God’s voice on earth – me,’’ the pope said in a statement. “They must pay for their sins, and what better way to do that than to bar them from all the benefits the church, such feasting on tasty bread and sweet wine each week.’’

Benedict, who reportedly is stepping down to spend more time with his very close longtime confidant Rev. Fritz von Goering, said Matt Man and Jayman are “the embodiment of Western civilization’s decline into heresy and hedonism.  I must make them an example of what happens to all those who spit in the eye of God and the Vatican. I can only hope that this drastic action I am taking will cause them to pause to reflect on behavior that can only be classified as ‘ungodly and uber fucking disgraceful.’  May almighty God (praise be upon him) have mercy on their putrid souls.’’

Pope Benedict XVI Abdicates...What a Fucking Shame

Cheers and Pax Vobiscum, Chuckleheads!!

Unless you have spent the past day or so inside the Tomb of Jesus, you know by now that one Joseph Ratzinger, who goes by the alias of Pope Benedict XVI, and the alias Vicar of Rome, as well as the alias, Blitzkrieg Benny, has…

Resigned, nay abdicated, his position as Pope and head of the Catholic Church, and in doing so, has kicked the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to the spiritual curb, and has given a big ol’ kick to the groin and Zur Hölle fahren to every crappie crunching Catholic in the world.

Sad!!

Poor Pope Benedict XVI.  Says he’s not up to it any longer.  Poor St. Peter wannabe says he doesn’t have the strength to continue.  What a half-assed Holy See of Rome he is.  When he was elected Pope, instead of choosing the name Benedict, he should have opted for, Pope Bernice the Girly Man.

Un-fucking-believable!!

The Jews suffered and wandered the desert for forty years due to their faith.  Jesus suffered and wandered the desert for forty days due to his faith, and here we have Pope Candy Ass whose commitment to the Lord is so weak that even living in opulence for less than eight papal years, is too much for him, and can no longer continue to bear the cross for Jesus.

Pussy!!

Gee, I’m sorry, Your Ass-Holiness…Was the hat too heavy?  Was your gown to tight?  Did the weight of the Papal Ring give you carpal tunnel syndrome?  Or did the fact that the Swiss Guard soldiers that protect you, are ten to fifteen years older than what you and your priests like in a boy…er man…er boy, upset you?

Did the Popemobile not afford you enough leg room?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Dude!!

You do realize Herr Ratzinger, that other than two Popes over the 2,000 year history of Catholicism, that this Pope commitment appointment is a til’ death due us part, kinda thing.  And well…

If you are going to guilt trip the lay people who get married within the Catholic Church with that rule, you should hold yourself to the same standard.

You married the Catholic Church, and now you are saying…

“I have to divorce you…you have worn me down.”

Do you realize how many men that have been married in the Catholic Church have said that to their wife?  I know at least one, and if he EVER, (Praise Jeebus), gets divorced, you would hate me…er…him…forever.

Hypocrite!!

But we do have something in common…I said twelve years ago, “Fuck the divorce.”, moved out, and began to live in sin, and it has not been easy.  You on the other hand, get to separate from your “wife” and are set up for a life of cushiness.

So, enjoy your teachings and writings within your cloistered confines near the Vatican, and lavish in your bunker style summer home in Berchtesgaden, and I will sit here and think to myself…

Why do Catholics think the Pope is closer to God than they are?  What gives a Pope the right to direct their faith?  And then I’ll answer with the same answer that I have for years…

A Pope is never any closer to God than you or I, and I have a suggestion for the Catholic Church, and more specifically the College of Cardinals.

Could you for once, elect a Pope that doesn’t look like he needs the Last Rites read to him upon entering the Papacy?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

A Thanksgiving Message of Hope and Inspiration from Pope Benedict XVI

Guten Tag and Pax Vobiscum, Bitches!!

Blitzkrieg Benny here for I’m With Stupid with a message of hope and inspiration for my Catholic brethren and sisteren in the United States as you prepare for your annual feast and celebration of Thanksgiving.

Although I reside in Vatican City and am a vast ocean and continent removed from you, I continue to be impressed and inspired by the November observance of your national day of Thanksgiving.

Your American celebration of God and Country takes me back to November 1938 when I was eleven, celebrating my Fatherland’s first national Kristallnacht Holiday with my family in Bavaria.

It was a special time when the entire nation of Germany, sat back, took a deep breath, and collectively inhaled the soon-to-be non-Jewish fresh air.  We sang, partied, and feasted.

And boy did we, as you will once again this Thursday, feast!!

I remember my mom would rise before the sun and in her efficient and workman-like Teutonic manner, prepare a meal that would make Hermann Goering blush.

Much like you honor the courage of your Pilgrims founding a new nation with a meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, and the such, we would honor our Storm Pilgrims founding a new Reich with a meal that reflected their victory over our national affliction.

We’d feast on platefuls of sweet herbs, leavened bread, and sausage.  We’d nosh on knishes stuffed with BBQ swine, and lobster.  And after the meal, we’d listen to Dear Leader’s Kristallnacht Day address and then at midnight..?

Just as you Americans assault the stores in search of bargains on Black Friday, we would assault the local stores in search of Jewish shopkeepers on Brown Shirt Friday.

It was a magical time, and as the entire celebration does for you in America, it brought our nation closer together.  Alas…

For me, the celebration of Kristallnacht has long passed.  Ironically enough, in large part to you Americans and your puritanical fervor for ridding the world of free thinking supremacists, and loathing of medal laden leather trench coats and hot looking jack boots.

It saddens me, but as I am in the business of acknowledging contrition and turning the other cheek, I forgive you.

Anyhoo…I am now the leader of the Catholic Church, and stuck here in Italy surrounded by effeminate, pantaloon wearing Swiss Guardsmen instead of beefy, leather clad SS men, and eating eggs Florentine instead of potato pancakes and sauerbraten.

I tell ya, it’s hard to get good food and good help here in Italy.  Just ask the late Der Fuhrer.  Dear God in Heaven, Mussolini was a pussy.

However…

I do want to give thanks to you in America for helping me to recall the joy that was Kristallnacht Day, and because of you, I shall tell you the three things for which I am grateful…

I just got new tires on the Pope Mobile.

Notre Dame will be going to a bowl game this year, and…

I have found true love and my life has been made whole by meeting my new lover, Haji…

My relationship with Haji teaches the world two things.

One…Even at the ripe old age of 84 it is not too late to find true love.

And two?

It shows all of my Cardinals, Priests, and other ecumenical underlings, that enjoying hot sex is not relegated to having it with boys who are younger than fourteen.

Happy Kristallnacht…Happy Thanksgiving, and as always…

Yours in Christ,

Pope Benedict XVI

If you have any questions for Benny or would like to request an audience with the Pope, contact Matt-Man @:

neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Vote NO on Issue 2 in Ohio, 'Cause if you Don't, Gov. Kasich is Going to Sing!!

Today I am discussing Issue 2 which is on the ballot today in Ohio.  A No vote on Issue 2 will repeal Senate Bill 5 which was passed in Ohio recently and severely limits the collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

I am voting No on Issue 2 and will tell you why, but as a matter of full disclosure, I feel it necessary to tell you that I am a former Ohio public employee and a former staff rep for SEIU.

Anyway…

What follows, is why I think Ohioans should vote No on Issue 2, thus repealing SB 5, and its raping of collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

Our Governor, John Kasich, the man behind this anti-union bill and proponent of the Issue 2 YES campaign that keeps SB 5 as law, is a MASSIVE dickhead.

Oh sure, you’re saying to yourselves…

“Matt-Man is merely re-living his Union days and thinks Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead because of his kinship with public employees.”

Not true…

Sure I have historical ties to public employee unions, but I am first and foremost a reporter of the truth and would never call Gov. Kasich a MASSIVE dickhead without confirmation or corroboration, so…

On Twitter Monday night, I asked my friend, cohort, and fellow “man beyond reproach”, Jayman, what HE thought of Gov. Kasich...

Jayman responded, and I quote…

“Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead who actually has a teeny-weenie wee-wee.”

See? Jayman doesn’t even live in Ohio and he knows of Kasich’s MASSIVE dickheadedness. It’s not just the choir singin’ here folks.

Although, if there was a choir singing, Kasich would probably be in it. I hear he likes show tunes and the such.

I’m not saying he’s gay or anything, but during his 1996 reelection campaign for his congressional seat, his opponent, Cynthia Ruccia implied that he was gay by asking questions as to why Kasich shared his D.C. digs with his well-paid male chief-of staff for several years. Uh-huh…

I am not into tawdry speculation of that nature, but I must tell you, I recently had a dream that John Kasich was having sex with Marcus Bachmann, and….enjoying every minute of it.

In my forty-six years of sleeping, once in awhile my dreams have proven to be true, so…I can’t completely discount the notion that Kasich may be gay, especially since he and his first wife, Mary Lee, divorced “amicably”.

How many non-gay men have an amicable divorce? IKR? And listen…

Not to add grist to the rumor mill, but I heard that the divorce was amicable because after Kasich cried like a little schoolgirl, his soon to be ex wife Mary Lee, relented and let him keep half of her clothes.

And not that this could have anything to do with him being gay, or not, but…he was raised Catholic, and you know what they say…

“Once you go Franciscan, you'll never go straight agin’.”

Although I will say, after his parents were killed in a car crash he turned to evangelical Christianity. I guess he blamed the Pope.

Anyway…

I hope I have shed some light upon why SB 5 is a bad bill and why for the following reasons, it should be repealed by voting No on Issue 2…

John Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead, who may or may not be gay, and in my dreams has had sex with Michele Bachmann’s husband, all the while hating the Pope.

If that’s not good enough reason to vote No on Issue 2, I don’t know what is. Thank You.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS