Hola y’all! Santa came over tonight and hung out with me and agreed to do a Jay Said, Santa Said for the blog cause he’s cool like that.
Santa: Beer please. And some chips. I’m hungry.
Jay: I’ve already got them for you; uh please don’t smoke in here.
Santa: I’m Santa Claus I can smoke anywhere I fucking please.
Jay: It’s bad for you though.
Santa: So is sliding down everyone’s filthy chimney but nobody tells me not to do that!
Jay: Good point.
Santa: Nobody cares about my wellbeing.
Jay: Now, that’s just not true.
Santa: Really? Everyone leaves cookies, fudge and cake for me.
Jay: I’m sure some people in Cali leave granola and soy milk.
Santa: Yes and that shit is disgusting!
Jay: I know being Santa isn’t easy, but not THAT bad.
Santa: Nobody ever asks what I want for Christmas.
Jay: That’s only because you can have whatever you want.
Santa: Yeah, but having someone else get it for me would be nice every once in a while.
Jay: But, you’re Santa Claus. You do this out of the goodness of your heart.
Santa: I should sell ads.
Jay: Really? Sell out like that?
Santa: Nothing big. Maybe just some small ads on the wrapping paper?
Jay: Maybe on the tag?
Santa: That’s brilliant! “To Timmy … From Santa brought to you by Tostitos” or something.
Jay: I’m thinking Johnsonville Brats.
Santa: I like the way you think.
Jay: With your sophisticated marketing operations, you should be able to target ads.
Santa: I’m thinking of asking Google to help me with that.
Jay: You’ll get some criticism for this.
Santa: Only from the pink-o, panty-waste, atheist, baby-killing liberals who hate me already.
Jay: That’s true.
Santa: So fuck them
Jay: Hell yeah! You go Santa!
Santa: Same as always. Greedy, spoiled kids demanding expensive toys.
Jay: Gets worse every year.
Santa: Damn right it does. And I get pissed on at least four times a day.
Jay: Is your suit water proof?
Santa: I spray it down with a special formula so I don’t smell like piss all day.
Jay: Well if you did, you could just take the bus and fit right in.
Santa: Hey-OOOOOOOOO!
Jay: Is there anything good about being Santa?
Santa: Well there are a few things.
Jay: The joy of the season? Happy children smiling and laughing?
Santa: Well that and a few “fringe benefits.”
Jay: Oh really? Like groupies?
Santa: Dude. Every hot chick in the world wants to sit on Santa’s lap.
Jay: That’s awesome.
Santa: It’s crazy. Hell, I can go to any strip club and get a free lap dance for every single girl there.
Jay: I’m so jealous.
Santa: You should be. In some of the dodgier places I can get a free handy too.
Jay: Santa! I’m so disappointed in you!
Santa: Oh please! Spare me your fake indignation. I never claimed to be a role model.
Jay: Well, that’s true. I guess anyone would take advantage of being Santa a little bit.
Santa: I’m only human dude.
Jay: Good point.
Santa: Well, I better be off.
Jay: Got big plans?
Santa: Getting pissed on by kids and free lap dances from strippers.
Jay: Typical weekend then.
Santa: Yup.
Jay: Well, Merry Christmas and safe travels Santa.
Santa: Thanks my friend.
There you go. As you can see, Santa is a very complicated, yet fun and thoughtful guy.
Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS
