Hola y’all! Man, I have all kinds of issues in the bedroom. I’m talking about sleeping issues you pervs! Sheesh! Anyway, every night it’s a struggle to get to sleep and often times to stay asleep. I go through periods where it takes FOREVER to get to sleep, but then I sleep just fine. Then, I go through stretches where I got straight to sleep but wake up two hours later and can’t get back to sleep.
Lately though I’ve combined those two problems. It takes me a long time to finally get to sleep and then I wake up after a couple of hours and spend the rest of the night in that weird space in between sleep and awake. It’s like I’m dreaming that I’m lying there in bed trying to sleep listening to my radio, but I’m not dreaming, it’s real. Does that make any sense?
I’m thinking maybe I need to change up my routine. Each night at 10 pm I complain that Olbermann isn’t on ESP2 because some stupid sporting event went long. Then I turn it over to Conan and don’t laugh at whatever he’s doing. At 10:30 I turn on Arsenio Hall and spend thirty minutes wondering why his new show is so bland and boring. At 11 I check to see who is on Leno, Letterman and Kimmel while also seeing that the daily post on this blog has gone “Live” and then tweet the link to the masses.
If nobody cool is on Leno, Letterman or Kimmel (most nights) then I either watch C.O.P.S. for a bit while monitoring Twitter or just go on to bed. Once I’m in bed the war starts. My mind starts going a million miles an hour and I can’t seem to settle it down. I start out flat on my back, then when my back stops hurting, I roll over onto my right side until my back starts to hurt again. Then I roll over onto my left side until either my back hurts again or I feel like I’m about to fall asleep.
It’s very important for me make sure I’m NOT lying on my left side when I finally fall asleep. If I’m on my left side I will have crazy-ass dreams. Like the other night when I dreamed I was living in a trailer and was trying to go to sleep in a bed right up against a window in a small room. Just as I was about to fall asleep I saw these freaky hands pushing the window open. When I sat up and looked out the window I saw these people who looked like a cross between the Children of the Corn and Boo Radley. *Shudder*
At least they were human-ish this time. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve dreamed about talking animals. I’m not talking about cool talking animals like Mr. Ed either y’all. I’m talking about snakes and other freaky animals that are saying some mean shit to me. They threaten me or tell me how much I suck and stuff like that. Never cool animals like dogs or giraffes either. It’s always a really crappy animal that talks shit to me. Weird, huh?
Of course none of this would be a problem if these dreams were sexy, but they almost never are. What’s up with that? Sure, I occasionally have a hot dream starring Helen Mirren or Susan Sarandon, but very rarely. Maybe the problem is that I’m sober? Shit, I didn’t even think about that. Hmm … I think I may have solved my problem.
Never mind y’all.
In other news "Food, Sex and Farm Animals" was an EPIC episode of IWS Radio! We took on the threat to our freedom that is the recommended serving sizes of most foods. Then we tried to call Campbell Soup and the FDA to get to the bottom of this with HILARIOUS results! Also, Brown Beasley called in and we got an AWESOME Canada Report from the lovely Jamie. You gotta check this one out!!
New Comedy Internet Radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio
