Mitt Romney: This is Easy!

Hola voters! As you know on Monday of this week I sat down for a very special, in depth interview with President Obama. Because we are always fair and balanced here at IWS, we offered GOP nominee Governor Mitt Romney the same opportunity. Luckily we are part of the 53% of interview requests he agrees to.

Jay: Governor Romney, let’s get right to it. A few days ago pres…

Mitt: I’m sorry to interrupt but, are you sure this neighborhood is safe. I’m pretty sure I saw a young colored man while walking to your apartment.

Jay: Oh don’t worry. It’s perfectly safe. Besides, it’s daytime.  Aaaand the secret service guys are outside.

Mitt: Okay then.

Jay: The other day President Obama sat in that same chair and basically said that the majority of the economic problems are George W. Bush’s fault. Do you agree with that assessment?

Matt: Of course not! That’s just plain crazy. President Obama inherited an economy that had strong fundamentals and turning things around should have been easy and straight forward. He should be creating 600,000 jobs a month without even breaking a sweat.

Jay: 600,000? That’s a big number!

Mitt: Well, look at what a great job President Bush did overall. He inherited an economy that had just suffered the shock of 9/11 under Clinton. He picked up all the pieces and put it all back together. The only thing that he wasn’t able to do was lift the huge burden of regulation from Wall Street in time to avoid a downturn there at the end of his presidency. That of course was because he had a democratic congress to deal with.

Jay: Uh … Okay. Anyway, we’ll move on. Governor, you have made the claim that you will balance the budget without any real pain or sacrifice on the part of the American people. How are you going to do that?

Mitt: Well, that’s not exactly what I’ve promised. I have said that I’m going to bring austerity to poor and working class and even some middle class Americans who, quite frankly, have it a bit too good right now. These people are going to have to finally pay their fair share.

Jay: Okay, so how do you balance the budget then?

Mitt: I’m just gonna do what Ronald Reagan did. I’m going to cut taxes, restore the military to its previous greatness and bring the economy back to ITS greatness and the budget will be balance purely through economic growth and the creation of millions and millions of new jobs.

Jay: But, you can’t do that without some spending cuts, right? What would you cut?

Mitt: We’re gonna cut funding for Planned Parenthood, the National Endowment for the Arts and start running commercials on PBS. That should be enough.

Jay: Riiiiiight. Okay, let’s try foreign policy. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a powerful speech at the U.N. today. You have been very critical of Obama’s handling of Iran and what you believe to be his lack of support for Israel. How would things be different in a Romney administration?

Mitt: My relationship with Israel is so good that the people of Israel and American Jews are starting to call me Mittanyahu! Hey-OOOOOOO!  Heh.  Anyway, I understand that since Obama is a Muslim he is naturally unfriendly to Israel, but I think he just needs to face reality.

Jay: And that reality is?

Mitt: Well, he started a war with the wrong country. He went into Iraq when he should have launched an attack on Iran. Simple.

Jay: *Stares in disbelief* Governor, I think there are few holes in your … um … facts.

Mitt: Nope. I don’t think so. Hey look, I gotta skedaddle. We’ve got the family jet warming up at the Boone County International Airport, so I need to go. Ann and I have reservations at Per Se in New York. We’re having dinner with Donald Trump. Exciting huh!?

Jay: Oh yeah! Lots of fun. Thanks for your time Governor.

Okay, there you go. We’ve got a couple of straight shooters running for president huh? I hope these two interviews this week have helped you make up your mind.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Barack Obama: It's Bush's Fault

Hola voters! Today I have the very special privilege of interviewing President Barack Obama! Let’s get right to it.

Q: You are very likely to go into the record books as the first president to preside over four consecutive budget deficits of well over $1 trillion dollars each. Do you think that will taint your legacy?

Obama: Well, you have to remember that we inherited that first really huge $1.6 trillion dollar deficit from Bush. And the 2013 deficit is expected to only be $901 billion.

Jay: But, that still leaves two other budgets with deficits above $1 trillion that are yours.

Obama: Well yes, but there was such a big mess to clean up that was leftover from Bush. And, it’s important to lower this deficit as carefully as we were careless in creating it.

Jay: So you admit that you were careless in creating these huge deficits?

Obama: No, that Bush was. I misspoke there.

Jay: In 2009 your administration predicted that unemployment would peak at 8.5% and then be near 6% by this time. Instead it went to 10.5% and is still over 8%. What happened?

Obama: Well, we just really underestimated how badly the job losses caused by the Bush economic collapse were.

Jay: But, why is the unemployment rate coming down so slowly?

Obama: Well, again these things take time. We don’t want to do anything that would shock the economy. Certainly not the way the Bush administration did. We saw how the economy hates shocks with the Bush collapse.

Jay: Switching to foreign policy. You made the claim that you could deal with the Arab world and settle things diplomatically, yet all over the Middle East people are marching on US Embassies in anger. Why haven’t relations improved?

Obama: Well, again, and I do take MY SHARE of the responsibility here, we underestimated just how bad the Bush administration had made things with our Arab friends.

Jay: But, again I have to ask, why haven’t things really improved? We seem to be in the same place where we were four years ago.

Obama: Well, there’s a residual effect of the Bush administration policies. See, things were going downhill so quickly, that it took a while to stop the slide. We’ve been able to slowly make things better.

Jay: Why so slow though?

Obama: Well, you can’t rush these things. That might cause a shock to the diplomatic balance in the region and that would be as bad as the Bush shock to the economy was.

Jay: Okay, The First Lady Michelle Obama is a real asset to you as she is quite popular. What do you think the key to her popularity is?

Obama: Well, she’s a really engaging and charming person. Also, she’s a very hard worker. She started on day one cleaning up the mess that Laura Bush left and has been able to overcome it to make American’s proud of the First Lady again.

Jay: What mess did Laura Bush leave?

Obama: Well, she mostly just got all that George W Bush stank all over her. His disastrous policies affected everyone!

Jay: One last question Mr. President. One of the biggest criticisms of you is that you seem too deliberative many times. That you aren’t really that decisive and you take a long time to finally decide your position on many issues. What is your response to that?

Obama: Well, I think it’s necessary to make up for all the really bad snap decisions that President Bush made for eight long years. His decisions were so quick and with so little thinking through of consequences, I felt that the decision making process needed to be slowed down to balance things out.

Jay: Well, looks like it’s all Bush’s fault then, right?

Obama: Pretty much. Yeah.

Jay: Thank you so much for being here today sir.

Obama: No problem. I hope I made up for any really bad interview Bush did with you guys and have at least gotten things back to even on that front too.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, you guys should totally check out the IWS Podcast below!

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