I Get A Hard-On For People Who Want It Both Ways!!

Cheeeeeeers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.  It’s a beautiful first full day of autumn in Bagwine, Ohio, but
my joy courtesy of such a beautiful day has been tempered by the ugliness and selfishness of certain people.

I hate to be a downer on this gorgeous autumnal day that God has given us, but damn it…I am sick and tired of people who have to have it both ways.  Y’know..?

People who want it now AND later.  Who want surf AND turf…And more importantly and unbecoming, people who want him AND her.

Uh-huh…that’s right.  Today my friends, is not only the first day of autumn, but it is also Celebrate Bisexuality Day!!  Really?

You know what pisses me off about bisexuals?  They think that the world is their all-you-can-eat buffet while more normal, less selfish folks order either meat OR seafood from the menu of life…Not Both!!

Bisexuals are also typically a wealthy famous ilk of people who are sooooooo important that they think that they can have anything that moves.  I can hear it now in a 1963 at a Los Angeles bowling alley…

“Hiiiiiiiiiiii Brian, way to pick up that 7-10 spare…I’m movie star Cary Grant.  I just fucked Dyan Cannon, would you like to rim me out after we’re done bowling?”

Disgusting.  Cary Grant could have had sex with any and every woman in the world, but noooooo, he had to have sex with every man in the world as well.  What a dick.

Hans Christian Andersen was silver skating between Danish men and women his entire life.  One day he would write an unpublished erotic novel that involved him and a buxom wench in a back alley in Copenhagen, and the next day?

He’d write a freakin’ fairy tale about a gay man on skates.  Only the gay talent of Danny Kaye could portray the bisexuality of Hans Christian Anderson straight as hell on the big screen.

Moby Dick, the all-time great novel by Herman Melville should have been titled, Moby Dexterous.  When The Herm-Man wasn't boinking his wife and producing four children, he was chummin’ and trollin’ for the great white whale that belonged to Nathaniel Hawthorne!!

Of course, Drew Barrymore has made no bones about her bisexuality.  While it is Drew were talking about, I can only give her a pass on her selfishness if she shares it with me.

And lastly…As if we don’t hate our legislators and their lies enough, I would respect Sen. Lindsey Graham at least a little bit, if he would come out of his gorgeous closet of lies, and admit that once in awhile, he loves to be treated like the lady that he is…

Have a Happy Celebrate Bisexuality Day, and as always…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Matt Said, Jay Said VII

You know what day it is. You’ve been waiting for it all week! Here we go…

Matt: “You’ve reached the Matt-Man residence, how may I direct your call.”
Jay: “I wanna talk to the person in charge!”
Matt: “Sorry, nobody is in charge here.”
Jay: “But, if nobody is in charge, who gets all the glory?”
Matt: “Glory is about personal accomplishments. We’re about ‘team’ here.”
Jay: “There is no “I” in “Team.”
Matt: “Exactly. So how are ya?”
Jay: “A little gassy.”
Matt: “I’ll open a window.”

Jay: “So, uh, our Big Gay Show is totally racking up the listens and is moving towards the top five in the ratings.”
Matt: “It should, it was FABULOUS.”
Jay: “It was a pretty good show. We might have found our niche.”
Matt: “If that show doesn’t turn people gay, nothing will.”
Jay: “Yeah, and it’s a type of gay that even Marcus Backmann can’t cure.”
Matt: “Of course not. Hell, he couldn’t even cure his own.  Hey-OOOO”
Jay: “Anyway, apparently going gay means big hits.”
Matt: “Well, cover me in glitter and raise the rainbow flag then.”

Matt: “Hold on. I need to acknowledge someone telling me how cute Schmoop and I are.”
Jay: “Personally, I’m finding your love tweets to be disgusting.”
Matt: “You know, a little support isn’t too much to ask here my friend.”
Jay: “Oh damn. I forgot how sensitive and vulnerable engaged men get.”
Matt: “Damn right. So try being a little more sensitive you sick fuck.”
Jay: “I’ll try. No promises though.

Jay: “So I’ve now joined Reddit and Digg too.”
Matt: “So have I”
Jay: “We can now Stumble, Reddit and Digg our posts and shows.”
Matt: “We even got a couple of hits from Digg already.”
Jay: “Sweeeeeet. I don’t know how much Reddit and Digg will help though.”
Matt: “It doesn’t matter. Every little bit helps.”
Jay: “And every listener and readers matters.”
Matt: “That they do!”
Jay: “We love them all.”
Matt: “Damn right.”

Jay: “So, wanna talk “Haters” this week?”
Matt: “Yeah. People who just can’t stand it when others are happy.”
Jay: “And people are just always bitching about something.”
Matt: “Exactly. Negative people.”
Jay: “Right. People who can’t say something nice about anything.”
Matt: “I hate those people.”
Jay: “Thank God we’re not like that.”
Matt: “We wouldn’t be internet famous if we were.”
Jay: “Good point. Our success is based on being positive and thoughtful all the time.”
Matt: “That’s why the chicks dig us.”
Jay: “Totally.”

So there you go. More genius at work. I know how inspiring it is to read each week. Also, don’t forget to listen to this week’s show, “Haters Gonna Hate” on I’m With Stupid. It’s going to be a great show!