Hooooo-wee! Former Preznit and AR-TEEST George W “Don’t Call
Me Shrub” Bush here welcoming y’all to my fancy new Lieberry and Museum! You
know, this is the first museum I’ve ever visited. Wait, that’s not true. It’s
the first lieberry I’ve ever visited as an adult. I went to a couple of ‘em
when I was kid, but they were boring. Not like this one though. This is
exciting!
There probably isn’t a single building in all of America
that celebrates the American Experimentation and Freedom more than this. Well,
there might be a couple in Washington, but they’re old. Nobody wants to go to
old places when they can somewhere new and pretty. I mean we’ve got all this
fancy interactive stuff and gadgets to play with here. Heck, you can even listen to I'm With Stupid internet radio thingy on the internets right here!
There probably isn’t a single building in all of America
that celebrates the American Experimentation and Freedom more than this. Well,
there might be a couple in Washington, but they’re old. Nobody wants to go to
old places when they can somewhere new and pretty. I mean we’ve got all this
fancy interactive stuff and gadgets to play with here. Heck, you can even listen to I'm With Stupid internet radio thingy on the internets right here!
First off here we’ve got a scale replication of the Supreme
Court. I thought it would be funny to have this right at the front door since
they’re the ones that installed me into office. Sitting right there is a wax
figure of Former Chief Justice William Rehnquist. That thing is so life-like!
Heck, it’s almost as creepy was Willie was in real life! Anyway, you go up to
him and hit that red button and he speaks. Go ahead, try it out!
*pushes red button* “We hereby rule in favor of George W.
Bush and declare him President of the United States and all-around swell guy!” I had the them embolism that a bit cause what
he really said was full of legal mumbo-gumbo and nobody understands that stuff.
Like I said, we want to keep it fun here.
Here’s a replica of my Ovulating Office. There’s my desk
with the red phone in case of a newcuelar war and we’ve got some pretty
pictures on the wall, a TV, vcr and dvd combo that was state of the art at one
time and oh, check this out. This here is
my Nerf basketball goal attached above the door going to my personal secreetaree’s
office. Man we had some great Nerf battles in here.
*picks up Nerf basketball* Come on! Try to block my dunk. It’s
okay, come on! *Dunks Nerf ball lets out primal scream* I hope someone got a
good picture of that cause that was Sports Illustrious worthy. You just got
posterized buddy!
This here is the Iraq War display, or as I like to call it
The 43rd Crusades. Hahhahaha … Get it? I was the 43 preseedent? I
like to inject a little humor into the lieberry to ease the tensions here and
there. Here’s photos and video of the troops marching through Basry on their
way Bagdum. And probably the most precocious video in this display is right
there. It’s when they tore down that statue of Saddam. See them all stomping on
him and hitting the statue with their shoes? That’s a real insult in that part
of the world. Found that out myself later on what we always referred to as “The
Great Loafer Incident.” Anyway, I hear Saddam
Husain was a real swingin’ dude.
“Hey-OOOOOOO!”
Who’s back there? Dick is that you?
*Dick Cheney steps out of the shadows* “I’m just looking
over all my great accomplishments when I was president.”
Umm … Exqueeze me Dickster, I do believe that I’m the one
who took the oath of office as prezeedent.
Besides, you’re supposed to wait until we get to the Undisclosed
Location part of the museum and then jump out of the hidden door like we
practiced. You ruined my grandiosious museum opening just like you ruined my
presidentin’.
You know what, to heck with it. I’m gonna head back to the house
with Laura and do some painting to settle my mind. Ya’ll are on your own. Just
like you are under Obama. Hahahahahaha … I crack myself up. Anyway, Orvor Y’all.
