Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!
It’s good to see you all on this most inspiring first Tuesday in September.
Jayman and I put on one helluva IWS Radio show this past Sunday, and if you missed it LIVE, you can catch all the hilarity right HERE. And trust me, we had a topless babe on the air, and it was HOT!!
Anyhoo…
Many people in my life, and no I am not kidding Jayman and others, think I am far too nice to people. One of whom who thinks this, is my boss, and owner of the Beer Mine at which I work, Drive-By Mikey.
Don’t get me wrong, while we do sell a ton o’ beer everyday, 95% of the folks who come through are pleasant and behaved, but…
The other 5% can be rude, self-absorbed, whiny, stupid assholes.
I nearly always rise above the instances of a jerk coming through, and Mike has often told me, “Man, you are too nice sometimes; I would have told that jerk to go to hell.”
I have always and to this day do respond…
“Eh, it wasn’t time to jump on him (or her), but no worries, I keep notes of people on a Rolodex in my head.”
After I say that, Mike usually responds, “Whatever.” Because that is something that I have always told Mike about me that he doesn't understand...that being…
Patience is not only a virtue…it’s a well-conceived time bomb.
See? Two weeks ago, this dude in a pick em up truck came through and asked for a 12 pack of Miller Lite and a bag of ice.
I gave said thirsty man his order. He drove outside of the Beer Mine, out the contents in his cooler, and thennnn…He came into the office with empty box and plastic bag, and said, “Here, trash.”
I thought to myself…”Oh no you didn't just do that?” But I bit my tongue and took it.
Last week, he came through and ordered the same thing, and wouldn't you know..? He brought me his trash again and never uttered a word!! No at word of “thanks”. Not a word of, “Is this okay?” Not a word of, “Do you mind?”
To which I said to myself…
“Y’know Lord…I try to be a good person. I try to live by your word. In fact, other than my occasional drunkenness which I confine to my home (and on my Facebook page), I try to be a non-judgmental, get along, go along kinda guy…but if this rude motherfucker ever comes through here again, I am going to pass judgment.”
Well my friends, yesterday Rude Man came through, and it was Judgment Day!!
He ordered a 12 pack of Miller Lite, and a small bag of ice.
The order came to $12.10.
The man only had $12.00, so he asked me…
“Can you front me a dime?”
Oh Dear God!! The responses that ran through my mind!! Five hours of responses that actually lit up every synapse in my brain in a mere two seconds.
I said to rude Mr. Trash Man…
“Aren't you the guy who gives me your trash every week? That’s pretty rude.”
He responded, “I could have just thrown it in your lot.”
“Or you could have thrown your trash into the bed of your truck like most people do.”, I said.
And as Mikey came out to see what was going on, he heard…
“So you won’t give me dime?”
And I said, “Nope, because you are rude.”
And the dude said, “I guess I’ll take my business elsewhere.” and then he drove off.
After that, Mike and I did the fist hit and Mike said…
“After ten years in this business, I have come to realize that if we could just kick the assholes out and break even, it would be better than making a lot of money dealing with them, and I see now why you have that stupid Rolodeck or whatever that you talk about.”
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page
It’s good to see you all on this most inspiring first Tuesday in September.
Jayman and I put on one helluva IWS Radio show this past Sunday, and if you missed it LIVE, you can catch all the hilarity right HERE. And trust me, we had a topless babe on the air, and it was HOT!!
Anyhoo…
Don’t get me wrong, while we do sell a ton o’ beer everyday, 95% of the folks who come through are pleasant and behaved, but…
The other 5% can be rude, self-absorbed, whiny, stupid assholes.
I nearly always rise above the instances of a jerk coming through, and Mike has often told me, “Man, you are too nice sometimes; I would have told that jerk to go to hell.”
I have always and to this day do respond…
“Eh, it wasn’t time to jump on him (or her), but no worries, I keep notes of people on a Rolodex in my head.”
After I say that, Mike usually responds, “Whatever.” Because that is something that I have always told Mike about me that he doesn't understand...that being…
Patience is not only a virtue…it’s a well-conceived time bomb.
See? Two weeks ago, this dude in a pick em up truck came through and asked for a 12 pack of Miller Lite and a bag of ice.
I gave said thirsty man his order. He drove outside of the Beer Mine, out the contents in his cooler, and thennnn…He came into the office with empty box and plastic bag, and said, “Here, trash.”
I thought to myself…”Oh no you didn't just do that?” But I bit my tongue and took it.
Last week, he came through and ordered the same thing, and wouldn't you know..? He brought me his trash again and never uttered a word!! No at word of “thanks”. Not a word of, “Is this okay?” Not a word of, “Do you mind?”
To which I said to myself…
“Y’know Lord…I try to be a good person. I try to live by your word. In fact, other than my occasional drunkenness which I confine to my home (and on my Facebook page), I try to be a non-judgmental, get along, go along kinda guy…but if this rude motherfucker ever comes through here again, I am going to pass judgment.”
Well my friends, yesterday Rude Man came through, and it was Judgment Day!!
He ordered a 12 pack of Miller Lite, and a small bag of ice.
The order came to $12.10.
The man only had $12.00, so he asked me…
“Can you front me a dime?”
I said to rude Mr. Trash Man…
“Aren't you the guy who gives me your trash every week? That’s pretty rude.”
He responded, “I could have just thrown it in your lot.”
“Or you could have thrown your trash into the bed of your truck like most people do.”, I said.
And as Mikey came out to see what was going on, he heard…
“So you won’t give me dime?”
And I said, “Nope, because you are rude.”
And the dude said, “I guess I’ll take my business elsewhere.” and then he drove off.
After that, Mike and I did the fist hit and Mike said…
“After ten years in this business, I have come to realize that if we could just kick the assholes out and break even, it would be better than making a lot of money dealing with them, and I see now why you have that stupid Rolodeck or whatever that you talk about.”
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page
7 comments:
If he wasn't such a damn clean freak he would have had a dime under the trash in the console between the seats!!!
Jay
Jay: This guy is a proud union guy, who also votes straight Republican against his own interest, and hates every one, because, well...he can. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt
Ha! Good one. Like I've always said, if I worked there, you wouldn't have any customers;)
Beth: Oh c'mon. You would love all the customers and they would love you. HA!! Cheeeeeers Schmoop!!
Matt
*BIG GRIN* Good for you!
Dana: It...felt...GOOD. Cheers Dana!!
Matt
Well done, Matt...he had it coming and then some.
Post a Comment