OMG! Even MORE Funny(ish) Headlines!

Holaaaaaaaa bitches! It’s time once again for a round of funny(ish) headlines! Try to hold down the excitement, will ya?

- Dept. of Justice investigation finds that the NSA violated George Zimmerman’s civil rights.

- Obama gives up and grows a Hitler mustache.

- Jenny McCarthy excited about new job as co-host on “The View.” “Think of all the kids I can kill with this

kind of exposure!!”

- Miley Cyrus apologizes for wearing bra under her tight shirt in public. Says it won’t happen again.

- Kim Kardashian freaks out over loss of popularity, renames her kid Trayvon Martin Kardashian-West.

- P.E.D scandal mars The ESPY’s as a reporter notices host Jon Hamm’s bottle of Viagra in locker backstage.

- Amanda Bynes seen buying “The Rhyming Dictionary” at local mall in preparation for her new rap career.

- “Vincent Sand Gogh” wins World Championship of Sand Sculpting in Atlantic City. “Sandy Vagina” fails to place for the 25^th consecutive year.

- OUTRAGEOUS McDonald’s “budget” for workers making minimum wage suggests just giving dancers a single at the stage and forgoing lap dances.

- ESPN lawyers up in preparation for firing Keith Olbermann soon after his new shows debuts on ESPN2 in August.

- Juror B37: “Okay, I admit it. I let George Zimmerman’s raw sexual magnetism cloud my judgment.”

- Emma Roberts tries out new way of promoting upcoming movie “We’re the Millers” by getting arrested for beating the shit out

of her boyfriend.

- Area man writes congressman demanding that the government dramatically increase funding for hemorrhoid research.

- MLB announces that former Egyptian President Mohammad Morsi will replace Bug Selig as Commissioner after Selig retires or, preferably, dies.

- City council realizes they have very few items on agenda, starts making shit up.

- Sad, lonely man starts friendship ring on Facebook.

- Area woman shocked to discover that people are still blogging.

- “Forbes Magazine” names Robert Downey Jr. as America’s highest paid ex-con.

And that’s all I’ve got.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS