Matt Said, Jay Said XXX.XXX.XXX

Jay speaks, Matt speaks, You listen.

*ring* *ring*
Matt: Yo
Jay: *heavy breathing* what are you wearing *heavy breathing*
Matt: Oh, Schmoop it’s for you.
Schmoop: Hello?
Jay: *heavy breathing* what are you wearing? *heavy breathing*
Schmoop: Oh hi Jay!
Jay: I’m not Jay! I’m a Mysterious Stranger.
Schmoop: Oh, right. Matt, it’s for you. It’s Jay.
Jay: Dammit!
*click* 

*ring* *ring*
Matt: Howdy Ho
Jay: I’M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AN SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!
Matt: Jay, what are doing?
Jay: I’M NOT JAY DAMMIT! CALL ME THAT NAME AGAIN AND SUFFERE THE CONSEQUENCES!
Matt: Jay … Jay … Jay … JayJayJayJayJayJayJayJay
Jay:  I said I’m not Jay! I’m … I’m … It doesn’t matter who I am!
Matt: You really should have thought this out better.
Jay: Bite me! I’ll cut your throat while you’re sleeping.
Matt: Well just remember Schmoop is the one on the couch and I’m in the bedroom.
Jay: Okay! Prepare to die!
Matt: Could you let me know when?
Jay: NO! That would ruin the surprise.
Matt: Okay then.
Jay: Okay then!

Matt: It’s margarita night, isn’t it?
Jay: Yeah.
Matt: Maybe you should stick to wine?
Jay: Wine makes me too mellow. I lose my edge.
Matt: Well, you could probably stand to lose it.
Jay: That kind of hurts.
Matt: How bout beer?
Jay: That just makes me all sloppy and shit.
Matt: Hmm … well, margaritas it is I guess.
Jay: Or maybe just sipping on bourbon?
Matt: That might work.
Jay: Hey! Can I talk to Schmoop.
Matt: No, she’s in a good mood. I don’t want you to ruin it.
Jay: Again, that’s a bit hurtful, but I understand.
Matt: It’s the best I can do.

Jay: So War on Christmas this week?
Matt: Saturday NIGHT at 11 PM ET!!
Jay: What side are we on?
Matt: I dunno.
Jay: Both? Neither?
Matt: Something like that.
Jay: I’ve already got some material.
Matt: Really?
Jay: Yup, a couple of reports from the brave journalists covering the War.
Matt: Always useful.
Jay: They’re like Hemingway.
Matt: I hope not cause Papa sucked.
Jay: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting.
Matt: The War on Christmas is very complicated.
Jay: People need us to break it down for them.
Matt: We’ll identify the combatants and what’s at stake.
Jay: And make fun of them.
Matt: Noooooooooo. This is serious shit.
Jay: War is Hell son.
Matt: Damn right it is.
Jay: And we’ve experience a bit of Hell ourselves.
Matt: And now we’re gonna bring Hell to the masses.
Jay: Just like Doc Holiday.
Matt: Exactly. Actually, I have no idea what you mean by that.
Jay: The move Tombstone? “Tell ‘em I’m coming and Hell’s coming with me!”
Matt: Oh. Okay then. That works. I guess.
Jay: Totally.
Matt: Alright! Another #1 show, coming right up!
Jay: Brilliant!

There you go kids. Another fun and exciting peek into the world of IWS show prep. And, don’t forget to tune in at our new time on Saturday NIGHT at 11 PM ET for our War on Christmas Extravaganza! It’s gonna be a blast!