Many of you, yet some less frequent readers and listeners of the IWS website and radio show may not, know that my girlfriend, BFF, and OSP Schmoop, is quite ill.Yep, she has developed some type of mass in her bile duct. It could be cancerous, but…maybe not. We won’t know until they go in to remove it in a couple of weeks.
She has been under medical house arrest for two weeks and let me tell you…IT’S BEEN HELL!!
I know…she has turned yellow…Has already had one procedure to temporarily open her blocked bile duct, may have cancer, and will definitely be losing not only the bile duct and her gall bladder, but perhaps parts of her liver, stomach, and pancreas as well, but c’mon?
Does anyone recognize what I am going through, and how this affects ME?
I didn’t fucking think so, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy on me, because well…The Chick Won’t Shut Up About It!!
I know…I know…She is very ill, but come on. It’s not like she is in pain. It’s not like she isn’t ambulatory. It’s not like her bodily functions don’t, well…function.
She can get around just fine. She’s very coherent. She has no pain, and yet, what do I hear all damn day?
“Honey could you make me some toast? Honey could you get me some water? Honey, I know you are trying to write a post, but I think I want a grilled cheese sandwich and peas for dinner…could you get on that?”
Yes, I know you have a tube running from your liver and it juts outside from the inside of your body and the aforementioned liver organ, but it’s not as though you are a quadriplegic.
It’s not like an innocent stomach tube and the potential of having cancer should prevent an otherwise able-bodied woman from making her own God Damned grilled cheese sandwich!!
My God woman, step up your game!! I cannot fight your possible cancer on my own!! But…
I don’t necessarily blame you entirely…for perhaps, maybe it was I who fucked up, and unknowingly enabled and unleashed your sense of ego-centric neediness by buying flowers for you the other day.
I think I regret that…no…I know that I regret that, especially because I didn’t go ahead and pick up that pound of hamburger that was on sale when I went to the grocery to get your flowers. So?
Okay…that one is on me, but anyhoo…
Let me just say…It’s not like you can’t help out around the house during the day instead of laying there watching TV while you fail to collect a paycheck.
Yes I know…You tell me everyday that you will be having surgery in order to remove what could possibly be cancerous material, but until then, it wouldn’t hurt you, and in fact, it would be therapeutic for you to tidy up around the house while I am working at the Beer Mine. After all, you don’t want your muscles to atrophy.
You could start by cleaning the bathroom. You keep telling me it’s disgusting and that I should clean it, but seriously, when you clean out you’re your stomach tube every day, the bile goes everywhere but the bathroom sink, so when I think about it, that mess is all on you.
Another thing…You aren’t working. You aren’t drawing an income. Are you expecting me to find an additional job? Of course you are, and that’s okay…I can work the Beer Mine, a part-time job, AND do the website and radio show…no problem. It’s not like I’m not Superman!! Unbelievable!! Thoughtless at the least.Lastly, and this is directed to all my friends on Facebook, Twitter, through the show and the website, and my family…
It’s nice to hear from you every day asking me how Schmoop is, but seriously? Could you once in awhile ask me how I am holding up?
Schmoop’s potential cancer is turning me into a wreck, exhausting me, and it’s not fair. I suffer too y’know!!
I mean sure…She may soon be losing parts of 4-6 to internal organs, but man, as you can see…
I’m the one who is hurting.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
And by the way folks...Jayman and I did another great radio show yesterday as we broke the 2012 Presidential election down and made lots of fun of Dick Morris. If you missed it, you can catch it here:
24 comments:
Poor Schmoop. I'm so proud of her for facing this with such strength and resolve. Not sure about paring peas with grilled cheese sandwiches, but I'll let that go. Hang in there babe!
Such a touching, heartfelt post.
Jay
Jay: Ha...It actually happened during the writing of this post. The poor thing had a craving for both grilled cheese AND peas. Eh, whatever makes her happy. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Man up, Matt Man! Step up to the plate and thank God for your health... We are proud of you for taking good care of Beth!! She deserves it!! Missy
Miss: Thank God for my health? You have never seen the X-Rays of my lungs nor seen me naked. It's nothing for which to be thankful. ;) Cheers Miss!!
Matt-Man
OK, so how you holding up Ma.... Mat..... Ma.... I CAN'T DO IT!!!
Matt - I just read a new book that is funny, irrevant and yet supportive about the poor caregiver called, You better not die or I'll kill you! (author Jane Heller)
You may want to check this out to keep your sanity Matt Man. or speak to her on the radio show.
So how ya doing big boy? Can we do anything for you? Get you dinner and a beer?
Mike: Hee. That's okay; I appreciate the effort. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
Peg: Ha. I like that title, and I will definitely check it out. I could use some help. Could you find out for me how to remove bile stains from grout? Cheers Peg!!
Matt- Man
She actually wanted a grilled cheese and peas? Poor Schmoop IS sick! I know you must be beside yourself and totally lost. I mean, I know when I was in the hospital, The Wifester was totally helpless. She kept calling me to ask where the mac and cheese is kept at the grocery store, and how to turn on the dishwasher, and why wasn't there clean clothes hanging in her closet when she got home from work. Sigh... FEEL BETTER SCHMOOP! You are in my thoughts!
Hey, if it were up to me, Schmoop's surgical team would come to your house daily, to give you footrubs and a bottle of your favorite adult beverage. But my hands are tied.
Fortune: Yes, that is what she wanted. She always has loved grilled cheese but the peas were an out of the blue craving. I did go the extra step and put bacon on her grilled cheese. Cheers FC!!
Matt-Man
Anne: Hey!! Thanks for the comment Anne. And, I appreciate your considerate thoughts on my behalf. It's nice to know that somebody cares. DO YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE!!? Cheers Anne!!
Matt
So Matt ... how's Schmoop doing?
Dana: Ha. I knew it!! I knew that if you were going to comment, that you would say exactly that. Why I oughta...Cheers Dana!!
Matt-Man
What is she thinking getting sick? Doesn't she know that your delicate sensibilities aren't up to the extra work?
Take care...both of you.
Michele: You kn what is really funny about your comment. While you say it in jest, my boss said the same thing only he actually meant it. Cheers Michele and Thanks.
Matt-Man
Matt it is always the caregivers that must suffer in silen....ooops too late...how are you holding up old boy?
Seriously tho, take care of Schmoop as only you can and love her to bits, k !
Jamie: Ha. I will Jamie. Fortunately I love to cook and I have been a cooking fool for her. Cheers Jamie!!
Matt-Man
Seriously though, I'm sorry Matt. I hope you are holding up okay. I would be a total mess in your case. Speaking of case, maybe we should all chip in and buy you one of Irish Rose.
Matty, I was once going through surgeries & possibly dying of cancer, and holy crap it was hard--harder on my husband than on me. There's a point when you have to let go of the way we cling to 'normal', because normal isn't happening for a while, and that's just how it's going to be.
Then you put in for the long haul, laugh whenever you can, cry without reservation, and it'll come to you in pieces, how to get through it.
Best to you guys ~
Matt Man - the answer to your grout - MOVE. :-)
Knight: Thanks and a case of Rose? I wouldn't be heard from for days. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
Matt-Man
Jo: Lovely words Jo and really, I'm okay. I just wish the surgery would come sooner. Schmoop is bored out of her skull laying around here all day, every day. Cheers Jo!!
Matt-Man
Peg: Ha. Very Good, Peg. Cheers!!
Matt-Man
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