The world of misanthropes, starvation artists, and dictators is awash in sadness these days as they mourn the loss of one of their own, in the form of the once aspirating, lively body, and sharp, wacky mind of now dead as a DMZ, North Korean President, Kim Jong Il.I feel badly for Kimmy…As far as dictators go, he had no staying power. He only lasted seventeen years.
His legacy will pale in comparison to the likes of Gaddafi, Ceausescu, Castro, and Mussolini, however…
Kim Jong Il had one thing that those arbiters of animalistic autocracy never had…
A sense of the common man.
When Kim Jong Il wasn’t caught on State-Run TV being the greatest athlete in the world, or brutalizing innocent people into submission, he loved music, movies, loose women, and booze.
It’s as though he was Bruce Jenner, Jerry Sandusky, and Mickey Rourke rolled into one.
In other words, Kim Jong Il, was so damn American by nature, that whenever I watched video of a North Korean missile fire test, I didn’t see nuclear escalation and proliferation; I saw the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air. In fact…
I always thought of Kim Jong Il as the James Madison of the Korean peninsula, and I have no doubt that the North Korean flag being red, white, and blue isn’t merely an ironic coincidence.
And while many may chuckle at the thought of its improbability, I’m sure that somewhere on the outskirts of Pyongyang, lies a well protected collective wheat farm full of amber waves of grain…grain of which the unappreciative tongues of millions of North Koreans rightly so, shall never taste.I am saddened at the loss of this great man, but I do not write this essay in the musings of a mournful man. I write this in hopes of continuing Kim Jong Il’s works of American exceptionalism that have taken place above the 38th Parallel.
With his passing, North Korea finds herself in the throes of a fight between Demagoguery and Democracy…between the military and the masses…between Bok Choy and buttered corn.
An American…an American as red, white, and blue as Kim Jong Il was, and the North Korean flag is still, needs to take on the risk of a DPRK military assassination, the bitter taste of dog meat, and the ability to turn his or her back on the histrionic and overplayed suffering of the North Korean people.
That American?
The only American whose ego is that of Kim Jong Il’s. The only person who wants to be President of this country, but never will be.
The only American I know who would suffer the world’s sling and arrows, humiliation, and mockery in order to bring North Korea into the 21st Century while bringing himself back into relevance…
While I believe that no one will ever completely fill the All-American platform shoes of Kim Jong Il…North Korea’s last, best hope of elevating itself into a century of peace and prosperity, lies within the soles of Donald Trump’s Tistoni shoes.
Godspeed Donald Trump, Godspeed. Bring unto North Korea, a future of kimchi pots brimming with success and shiny, happy, short people.
Haeng un eul bin da !!
Matt-Man
e-mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
8 comments:
"Upon my death, tell the South Koreans it was all for the LULZ."
Kim Jong-Il.
Pesos: What the Hell is the LULZ? I must know!! Cheers Pesos!!
Matt-Man
KJI did love the movies. He also loved special effects which he put to great use making it look like they were testing all those rockets. And of course the world fell for it. Just like the world fell for the fake video of the World Trade Center falling. Brilliant man he was.
Jay
Jay: You can trace his love for special effects back to when he was younger and became fascinated by our government faking the lunar landing. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
I say send Donald there TODAY! Don't wait for the holiday season to end...The Donald needs to start building 트럼프 타워 평양
Vin: If the Donald doesn't answer the bell, the least he could do is hold a North Korean Presidential Debate on Dec. 27th since he isn't doing anything else. Cheers Vin!!
Matt-Man
Of course I looked up lulz.
Beginning as a plural variant of lol, Lulz was originally an exclamation but is now often used as a noun meaning interesting or funny internet content.
Lol -> lul; lols -> luls; lolz -> lulz.
Mike: I don't know what I would do without you. you are freaking amazing. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
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