Hey, what’s up? Ben Haten here, to liven up your Friday on this pathetic excuse for a blog or website, or whatever the hell you want to call this internet rag sheet.Look at those two clowns Matt-Man and Jayman…Ha!!
One looks like a gay ass, ghetto wine drinkin’, Hunter Thompson wannabe, and the other is trying to look all deep, thoughtful, and introspective with his cheap ass whiskey all dressed up in a sawed off brandy snifter.
And the chick in the middle? In two years, she’ll be getting rug burns on those sloppy ass tits just from walkin’ around the house. Gimme a break…I bet she’s got a nasty ass butter face too.
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a chick like that. She reminds me of my loser ex-girlfriend, Jenna, who just dropped my ass for some loser guy.
Yeah, Jenna dropped me for some dude who is the Assistant CEO for this big company in town. What’s wrong loser dude, not good enough to be THE CEO? Ha. They both can suck it.
Jenna’s all in love with the corporate hack, Bradley…yeah that’s his name, Bradley. Ha, how gay is that? Anyway, Brad-Boy bought her a brand new Chrysler 300 as an engagement present. She was all excited. Fuck that…The piece of shit car doesn’t even have heated seats. What a tight ass.
She’s nothin’ but a sponge anyway. Brad-Boy will find that out soon enough.
Hell, I bet every time she takes a swim in his in ground pool, she sucks it dry in fitty seconds, ‘cause his lame ass pool isn’t very big. Hell, it ain’t much bigger than his coffee cup sized hot tub. Fuckin Lame-O’s.
They remind me of some of my friends…
Always trying to get ahead. Or getting engaged. Or wasting money on stupid shit like car insurance or a big Thanksgiving dinner with their fucked up Moms, Dads, and drooling ass Grandmas. WTF, is up with that?
Then these same people get on Twitter or Facebook, or a lame ass blog like this, and post pictures of their little kids and talk about how cute they are. And what they did on vacation. And how well they are doing in school.
I gotta cut this short, ‘cause I need to find my Zepplin shirt and head on down to the Panama Club, because Izzy and the Rollerblades are playing, and the place will be full of cold beer and hot chicks.
While I am partying down to head bangin' guitar riffs and babes without butter faces, you all can enjoy your cuddling, your parenting, and your sterile, yet cozy little homes. Ha…Oh, and one other thing…
Get a clue as to what life is really all about, would ya?
Suck it Losers,
Ben Haten
Ben left no forwarding address, so send all inquiries to Matt-Man at:
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS
6 comments:
Jay: I know...And I too know several people, both women and men, just like him. There are quite a few Bens and Bennetes out there. Fascinating. Cheers!!
Matt-Man
Hey, cut Ben some slack. Without hate he's got nothin'.
Mike: That's not true Mike...He's got Budweiser on tap and a whole lotta angst. Cheers!!
Matt-Man
Oh my goodness! He is an angry man, isn't he. So much wasted energy.
Gee I think I worked for this guy.
Beth: I'm sure he was just having a bad day when he wrote this, poor fellow. Cheers Schmoop!!
Peg: I've worked for and with a lot of people like this and they're not always guys. Cheers Peg!!
Matt-Man
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