Vacation is an Adventure

Hola y’all! Well, I did it! I took a 24 hour vacation from reality. Lots of people tried to stop me from making it by posting political shit on Facebook and Twitter and whathaveyou, but I just ignored it and went about my business. I didn’t go to any news or political sites and I didn’t read through my “News and Politics” list on Twitter.

GO ME!!

I’m sure you guys are all wondering what I did on my little break from reality. Well I tell ya what.  I spent most of my time thinking about some great adventures that I might go on!

I looked into the possibility of going to clown college and maybe joining a circus so I could travel all over the country bringing joy and happiness to kids of all ages…

But, then I remembered that clowns are creepy as hell so I rejected that idea. Next I thought about running off to Vegas and becoming a blackjack dealer …

That doesn’t seem too bad except that you have to deal with the general public in that job so that’s out too. How ‘bout running off to Vegas and becoming a professional blackjack player? I could play at her table every night…

Hit me baby! This one has promise if my math skills are good enough. It’ll be close. If I want a REAL adventure though, I could run off and join the French Foreign Legion …

Whoa! What a wild time that would be. Well, until I got killed in some faraway desert and buried in an unmarked grave. That would probably happen on like the second day too. Okay, screw that idea. I know! I’ll become the next James Bond 007 …

Heh. Another profession that would only last a day or so. Maybe I’m dreaming too big. I guess I’ll just stay home and create my own adventure. Like maybe I’ll sign up at Heathcare.gov and see what’s what when it comes to Obamacare…

Oh well. So much for adventure.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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Gambling Expert Johnny Vegas on the NFL Playoffs

Hola Bitches! I’m With Stupid’s gambling expert Johnny Vegas here to breakdown this weekend’s big NFL Playoffs action. There’s lots of money to be made out there, but you gotta know where to look and pay attention to the details. If you don’t do that, the wise guys will take all your money and leave you standing alone in casino sports book and the haggard middle-aged cocktail waitress who’s been banged more times than Ringo Starr’s drum kit won’t even talk to you.

So, here’s my pick’s for this weekend’s games with the favorite in all-caps…

NEW ORLEANS -3.5 @ San Francisco (Sat 4:30 ET Fox): The 49ers defense is harder to score on in that shit hole of a stadium they call Candlestick Park than Viki Malicki back in high school. We used to call her “Viki NoDicki” you know what I’m sayin’? Her vagina had icicles hanging from it. Anyway, the Saints aren’t as good outdoors as they are in the dome and the perfect weather means the Niners field goal game should be in great shape. Niners get 8 field goals and one touchdown and not only cover the three and half points but win outright.

Denver +13.5 @ New England (Sat 8:00 ET CBS): So a lot was made about Tebow throwing for 316 yards last week and his favorite Bible verse being John 3:16, right? Well dig this, if he throws for 233 yards this week, Ezekiel 23:3 says “They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.” OH YEHHHH BABY that’s some hot stuff right there! Look for the Broncos to play hard right to the finish and lose, but still cover the thirteen and half points.

Houston +7.5 @ Baltimore (Sun. 1:00 ET CBS): Dam, I gotta tell you the truth, I almost forgot this game was being played. These two teams are almost as interesting as reading about Mommy Blogger’s precious little fucking snowflakes. But, I’ve got the stat of the week to help keep you interested. In games played outdoors at 1 pm when the temperature at kickoff is between 29.7̊ F and 33.2̊ F, the Houston Texans are 3-11-2 against the spread and 2-14 overall. Since the game is outdoors and kickoff temps should be right about 30.9̊ F, that makes this an easy pick, take the Ravens to cover the seven and half points and don’t fucking bother watching this snoozefest.

New York Football Giants +8.5 @ Green Bay (Sun. 4:30 ET CBS): By far the most intriguing matchup of the weekend. The Packers are the defending champs and are at home, but their defense has been getting rolled almost as bad as the French Army in WWII. Look for Giants WR Victor Cruz to be doing some sexy salsa dancin’ in the end zone on Sunday. Hey, I’m secure in my manhood enough to admit when I think another man is good looking and has some sexy moves in the hip area. So, I’m expecting the Giants magical run to continue and for them to pull off the HUGE upset here and not only cover the eight and half points, but actually win the game outright. Then, after the game is over you can lean back, close your eyes and visualize Victor Cruz salsa dancing the night away in celebration of the big win. And remember Tebow fans, in Psalms 16:11 it says “In your right hand there are pleasures forever.” I’m just sayin’!

So there you go America, the kind of expert analysis* you just won’t find anywhere else. Hope everyone wins big this weekend!

*If you’re such a pathetic degenerate that you would actually take gambling advice from a fake handicapper on a website called “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve all the bad things that will happen to you.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

And, on Wednesday we broke down the New Hampshire Primary as only we can on I’m With Stupid Podcast. Plus, we introduced the newest presidential candidate running for the republican nomination Mississippi Mike who isn’t from Mississippi! It was pretty much 45 minutes of nonstop hilarity, so check it out!

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