Sleepy Time is a Scary Time

Hola y’all! Man, I have all kinds of issues in the bedroom. I’m talking about sleeping issues you pervs! Sheesh! Anyway, every night it’s a struggle to get to sleep and often times to stay asleep. I go through periods where it takes FOREVER to get to sleep, but then I sleep just fine. Then, I go through stretches where I got straight to sleep but wake up two hours later and can’t get back to sleep.

Lately though I’ve combined those two problems. It takes me a long time to finally get to sleep and then I wake up after a couple of hours and spend the rest of the night in that weird space in between sleep and awake. It’s like I’m dreaming that I’m lying there in bed trying to sleep listening to my radio, but I’m not dreaming, it’s real. Does that make any sense?

I’m thinking maybe I need to change up my routine. Each night at 10 pm I complain that Olbermann isn’t on ESP2 because some stupid sporting event went long. Then I turn it over to Conan and don’t laugh at whatever he’s doing. At 10:30 I turn on Arsenio Hall and spend thirty minutes wondering why his new show is so bland and boring. At 11 I check to see who is on Leno, Letterman and Kimmel while also seeing that the daily post on this blog has gone “Live” and then tweet the link to the masses.

If nobody cool is on Leno, Letterman or Kimmel (most nights) then I either watch C.O.P.S. for a bit while monitoring Twitter or just go on to bed. Once I’m in bed the war starts. My mind starts going a million miles an hour and I can’t seem to settle it down. I start out flat on my back, then when my back stops hurting, I roll over onto my right side until my back starts to hurt again. Then I roll over onto my left side until either my back hurts again or I feel like I’m about to fall asleep.

It’s very important for me make sure I’m NOT lying on my left side when I finally fall asleep. If I’m on my left side I will have crazy-ass dreams. Like the other night when I dreamed I was living in a trailer and was trying to go to sleep in a bed right up against a window in a small room. Just as I was about to fall asleep I saw these freaky hands pushing the window open. When I sat up and looked out the window I saw these people who looked like a cross between the Children of the Corn and Boo Radley.  *Shudder*

At least they were human-ish this time. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve dreamed about talking animals. I’m not talking about cool talking animals like Mr. Ed either y’all. I’m talking about snakes and other freaky animals that are saying some mean shit to me. They threaten me or tell me how much I suck and stuff like that. Never cool animals like dogs or giraffes either. It’s always a really crappy animal that talks shit to me. Weird, huh?

Of course none of this would be a problem if these dreams were sexy, but they almost never are. What’s up with that? Sure, I occasionally have a hot dream starring Helen Mirren or Susan Sarandon, but very rarely. Maybe the problem is that I’m sober? Shit, I didn’t even think about that. Hmm … I think I may have solved my problem.

Never mind y’all.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

In other news "Food, Sex and Farm Animals" was an EPIC episode of IWS Radio! We took on the threat to our freedom that is the recommended serving sizes of most foods. Then we tried to call Campbell Soup and the FDA to get to the bottom of this with HILARIOUS results! Also, Brown Beasley called in and we got an AWESOME Canada Report from the lovely Jamie. You gotta check this one out!! 

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Tim McCarver Previews The World Series

Hola baseball fans and casual sports fans who dress comfortably and only watch the biggest sporting events, Tim McCarver here to preview the 2011 World Series. It’s going to be an EPIC battle between the St. Louis Cardinals and the representative from the American League. I know you are as excited as I am and are looking forward to this clash of baseball titans.

The most important thing that each team needs to focus on is scoring more runs than the other team. I don’t have the statistics handy, but I’m guessing the team that scores the most runs is much more likely to win. Also, good pitching beats good hitting unless good hitting results in more runs scored.

Each team will need to minimize mistakes and maximize non-mistakes. Also, play conversely and don’t take chances unless you know the risk from taking a chance is zero, you can go for it. Always remember that fundamentals are fundamental to baseball. And just about any other sport too. Except the NBA, where it’s all about individual play. But, you can’t go one-on-one in baseball unless you’re the pitcher or the hitter.

Also, it’s very important for both teams to realize four of the seven games will be played in shadow of the Getaway Arch at night, and the temperatures will be falling into the 30s. Sometimes, baseball players get cold when the temperatures drop dramatically. They’ll need to guard against that and make sure they aren’t impervious to weather. And, there is a chance of light drizzle and if not, dew often forms on grass in cold weather. When things like this happen, sometimes the field gets wet.

Even more importantly each team has to be patient and take what the pitcher gives you. It’s not necessary to hit a home run every single at bat. Remember that a walk is as good as a hit. And a walk and a stolen base is as good as a double. A walk, stolen base and then a two-base error is as good as a solo homerun!

As the old saying goes “there’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Of course, you should be careful because cats have claws and bad tempers. Point is, two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left. Even though we all know the shortest and quickest way from A to B is a direct line, sometimes you have to make three right turns around Q to get back to B. But, when you do that, don’t forget to step on J on your way back, or you’ll be called out.

And now let me talk about the key players to watch on each team. For the Cardinals, it’s all about catcher Yadier Molina. He basically controls the game from behind the plate, calling the pitches and setting the defense. Watch him as he uses his catcher’s mitt like a glove. He’s really a defensive weapon.

For the Rangers, I think third baseman Adrian Beltre is the man. Adrian is as smooth as cotton over at third and possesses a real rifle for an arm. Luckily for him, he lives in a state where carrying a concealed handgun is legal. Pair that up with his ability to get hot in a heartbeat at the plate and you have a guy who could dominate this series.

There you go folks! I hope you enjoy the 2011 Fall Classic. Game one is tom … what? Oh damn. Game one has already been played? Well, that’s okay. Enjoy the rest of the series.

For I’m With Stupid, I’m with Tim McCarver.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

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In other news, our Wednesday Show Prep show was pretty much non-stop hilarity. We talked most about Tuesday night’s GOP Debate in Vegas. But, we also hit on Susan Sarandon’s amazing boobs calling the Pope a “Nazi” and Carson Palmer being traded to the Raiders. And, then some time where we talk about just whatever. It was a really good show that flowed nicely. We would appreciate it very much if you listened and told all your friends about us!

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