Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Netanyahu, The Dress and Giuliana Rancic ... Fuck 'Em All!

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! Dammit y’all! I was just sitting down an ice cold Pepsi ready to be entertained by listening to Andy Kindler on Alison Rosenis Your New Best Friend when I suddenly remembered that it’s my turn to blog. I never get to do anything fun! It’s so unfair man. And yes, listening to Andy Kindler on Alison Rosen’s podcast IS fun! Kinda. It’s more fun than watching the garbage that’s on TV. Well, it wouldn’t be as fun as watching some NBA action. Oh I better check to see if the Mavericks are playing on channel 32. Great, it’s a commercial. Now I gotta wait. Oh I know what you’re thinking! “Check the TV Guide” right? Well our TV Guide thinks we have Fox Sports Mid-South instead of Fox Sports South. So it keeps telling me we’re getting Oklahoma City Thunder games instead of Mavericks games. I don’t know why they won’t fix it. Yup! Dallas Mavericks vs New Orleans Pelicans coming up at the bottom of the hour! I’ve got eleven minutes to finish this blog post. Not sure I can make it, but I’ll give it my best shot.

So what else is happening? Not a damn thing! Well other than America being completely paralyzed by a dress. Half the country thinks the dress is white and gold and the other half thinks it’s black and blue. I think it’s fucking ugly. Any woman who would wear that dress has no fucking taste whatsoever. I bet world famous fashion blogger and my good friend Edita wouldn’t get caught dead in that fugly dress.

That thug Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is in D.C. to address a joint session of congress. Well, the ones who show up anyway. A lot of them are boycotting the speech. Some conservatives say that the people boycotting the speech should be executed for treason. That’s right folks. According to the Republican Party Vladimir Putin is the kind of guy they’d like as their President and Netanyahu is America’s real leader. I love watching republicans take sides against America all the time like this. It’s no wonder they love both Putin and Netanyahu so much. The two men are basically the same. I’m sure Rudy Giuliani is in D.C. offering up his services to Netanyahu right now. Rudy will take care of ALL of your needs Big Ben!

Speaking of people with names that are hard spell, are we done beating the hell outta Giuliana Rancic yet? I get that her comment about Zendaya’s hair was a little out of line and not funny, and she's really weird looking, but good gravy y’all! You people just jump all over someone and never let up. Maybe we should forget about Giuliana and look a little more into YOUR lives? Hmmmm? I bet most of you have said a dozen things worse than “her hair looks like it smells like week” this week already. That Fashion Police show is so stupid anyway. You get four white women of varying degrees of unattractiveness together to trash other women. Oh yeah, brilliant fucking idea. What a bunch of cunts those women are anyway.

Damn, well it looks like it’s time for the Mavericks game and I’m well over 500 words and I know you’re busy and long blog posts upset you people. So, I’ll just leave you with this … I fucking hate the Dallas Mavericks. That’s really all I’ve got. God damn I suck at this blogging thing. Oh well, maybe I’ll do better next time. (Don’t count on it.)