Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! It’s time once again for Jayman’s Celebrity Death Pool Predictions. Here are the celebrities that I think will tragically meet their maker in 2015.
First the list of rather obvious people who may be circling the drain already, take a lot of risks or are just so damn old you’re surprised to find out that they are still alive.
- Abe Vigoda
- Wilford Brimely
- Keith Richards
- Betty White
- Kirk Douglas
- Leif Garrett
- Jim Cantore
- Aretha Franklin
- Muhammad Ali
- Lindsay Lohan
- Larry King
- Michael Douglas
- Nancy Reagan
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
- Prince Phillip – Duke of Edinburgh
- Rob Ford
- Monty Hall
- One of the Olsen Twins (The hot one. I think. I get them confused.)
- Little Richard
- Bob Barker
Next we go to the list of people who nobody really expects to die next year, but totally could.
- Bill Cosby will accidentally take a sip from the spiked drink and fall over dead right in front of Lindsay Lohan. It’s a double tragedy because he didn’t realize he wouldn’t have had to drug her.
- Wes Welker will become the first NFL player to die on the field. It’s going to happen sometime so it might as well happen to the guy who has had 1,933 concussions and has to wear a special helmet.
- Chris Hayes will get hit in the head by a stray rock at the next big riot by people who are angry man and die from uncontrolled bleeding of the brainstem.
- Artie Lang, after a life of alcohol and drug abuse and over-eating, will be electrocuted in a freak accident when he swipes his room key at the La Quinta Inn in Chattanooga while returning to his room from the hot tub.
- Grumpy Cat will die of a catnip overdose.
- Lena Dunham will die after falling into one too many rage spirals after she once again forces people to point out that she really is just as horrible a person as she believes herself to be.
- Whitey Bulger will be murdered in prison on the orders of Aaron Hernandez.
- Former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg will die tragically after he wears specially made platform shoes to trick the guy running the Fire in the Hole ride at Silver Dollar City. He’ll slip right out from under the safety bar on his cart and fall to his death.
- Dr. Oz will die LIVE on the air of his TV show after taking a diet supplement that he insists will help people lose 20% of their body fat in less than 24 hours with no negative health effects.
- Kanye West will die in a freak accident when he trips in his bedroom, falls face first into Kim Kardashians ass and bounces backwards at such a high velocity that it knocks him through the bedroom window in the penthouse of the JW Marriott Marquis in Dubai and falls seventy-seven floors to his death.
As always, I’m saying I want these people to die (well, most of them anyway), I’m just saying I think they might.